Birthday Party Etiquette - RSVP-ing Late

[Anonymous]

OP again. I'd like to vent a little. One of the two who RSVP'd late, emailed one hour before the party to say that she was not coming because grandma and cousin were visiting at the last minute.

I understand the importance of family, but they are not coming from far away. You make a commitment, you follow through.

This whole thing reminded me that she RSVp'd last year and also flaked. Her excuse was they they were waiting for her DH but he was running late. The following Monday, she posted pics of her weekend at the lake on her facebook page.

Now she sent an evite for her own daughter's bday at the end of the month. Maybe it's petty, but if she as an adult cannot show me propert courtesy, I don't feel like shlepping around looking for a gift and spending half my Saturday at her dd's party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I'd like to vent a little. One of the two who RSVP'd late, emailed one hour before the party to say that she was not coming because grandma and cousin were visiting at the last minute.

I understand the importance of family, but they are not coming from far away. You make a commitment, you follow through.

This whole thing reminded me that she RSVp'd last year and also flaked. Her excuse was they they were waiting for her DH but he was running late. The following Monday, she posted pics of her weekend at the lake on her facebook page.

Now she sent an evite for her own daughter's bday at the end of the month. Maybe it's petty, but if she as an adult cannot show me propert courtesy, I don't feel like shlepping around looking for a gift and spending half my Saturday at her dd's party.

You are most definitely petty!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I'd like to vent a little. One of the two who RSVP'd late, emailed one hour before the party to say that she was not coming because grandma and cousin were visiting at the last minute.

I understand the importance of family, but they are not coming from far away. You make a commitment, you follow through.

This whole thing reminded me that she RSVp'd last year and also flaked. Her excuse was they they were waiting for her DH but he was running late. The following Monday, she posted pics of her weekend at the lake on her facebook page.

Now she sent an evite for her own daughter's bday at the end of the month. Maybe it's petty, but if she as an adult cannot show me propert courtesy, I don't feel like shlepping around looking for a gift and spending half my Saturday at her dd's party.

You are most definitely petty!

OP, you are not petty; this lady sounds like a big flake. Are yours and her kids good friends? Would your kid mind (or even notice) not attending her kid's bday party? My child is so young that I'd probably just bag this lady's kid's dumb party, and my kid wouldn't even know or notice. But I cannot recall if your child(ren) is/are old enough to care or have an opinion? If you can skip, I would. PS I'm the one who posted about "natural consequences," so you know you and I are on the same page! Either way, good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I'd like to vent a little. One of the two who RSVP'd late, emailed one hour before the party to say that she was not coming because grandma and cousin were visiting at the last minute.

I understand the importance of family, but they are not coming from far away. You make a commitment, you follow through.

This whole thing reminded me that she RSVp'd last year and also flaked. Her excuse was they they were waiting for her DH but he was running late. The following Monday, she posted pics of her weekend at the lake on her facebook page.

Now she sent an evite for her own daughter's bday at the end of the month. Maybe it's petty, but if she as an adult cannot show me propert courtesy, I don't feel like shlepping around looking for a gift and spending half my Saturday at her dd's party.

You are most definitely petty!

OP, you are not petty; this lady sounds like a big flake. Are yours and her kids good friends? Would your kid mind (or even notice) not attending her kid's bday party? My child is so young that I'd probably just bag this lady's kid's dumb party, and my kid wouldn't even know or notice. But I cannot recall if your child(ren) is/are old enough to care or have an opinion? If you can skip, I would. PS I'm the one who posted about "natural consequences," so you know you and I are on the same page! Either way, good luck!

OP. My dd and flakey lady's dd are not friends/friendly. I only invited her bc our kids are part of a group from pre-school/private Kindergarten. My weekends are limited as it is and my heart is not into going. Thanks for your support, PP.

[Anonymous]

OP, go to the other kid's party and as a gift give the kid a book on manners and etiquette; maybe she'll come out better than the mother!

If your kids aren't friendly, then don't keep inviting her anymore.

[Anonymous]

This is really ridiculous. Yeah yeah yeah, manners. Look I'm all about please and thank you, but I have FOUR KIDS. Do you realize how many birthday invites we get? I hate talking on the phone like nothing else, especially to people I haven't met or don't know well. It's awkward.

I'm not really hostile about RSVPing, but it is obnoxious that y'all are hostile (at least by the first page) about us non- or late- RSVPers. I understand the point of them, but apart from being a busy parent of four, I'm shy and socially awkward, it's really hard for me to work up the nerve to call people.

And when I have 4 kids running around screaming and playing and I'm juggling cooking dinner or running off to soccer practice or football games or band practice, it is honestly hard to find the time and a quiet place. I'm not perfect, I do try to be, but RSVPing is just another thing on my list sometimes. Sorry.

This world was designed for type A extroverts with little forgiveness for introverts. Maybe make it easier for us busy introverts and give us options- provide a number we can text to or an email address- I'd RSVP to any party the minute I get an invite with that included! Meet in the middle huh?

[Anonymous]

I'd like to add something to that last post- I am grateful that you invited me to your party, celebrating your kid. I'm glad you want my kid to be a part of your celebration- I'm sure the kids will have a lot of fun. I know you went through trouble organizing it- I've done that too.

But, I have very little free time, very little just us at home together time, and I'm on a right budget. Don't forget that we are taking time out of our lives and spending money on celebrating YOUR kid- which we are happy to do, but we are a family too, and while we know we aren't the the universe, you should know that you're not either. Cut us some slack will ya? We are only human. We don't mean to be rude, just as I'm sure you don't mean to be self-righteous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a type A and enjoy hosting parties - and this type of stuff doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I plan for it in advance and project out estimates of no shows, extra siblings, last minute replies, sick kids, etc...

Good for you. Some people have different personality types, different demands on their time, yet still want to have a fun birthday event for their kid. People RSVPing as requested helps to facilitate that, and is the polite thing to do. Is it the end of the world that people don't do so? No. It is an annoyance and inconvenience? Yes.

Then don't throw a party if it is going to disturb your precarious mental health

[Anonymous]

I think 4-5 days before a party is acceptable. Even 24 hrs ahead is acceptable....or at least I thought it was.

But in regard to buying goody bags, etc. I do see your point.

So from now on, I will RSVP sooner.

Thanks for getting the word out.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have not read all of the replies. But often, the guest simply does not know if they want to attend yet. The parent can't make the child attend. But the parent wants the child to attend, so it becomes awkward.

The parent hopes the child will change his mind and attend the party, which is why the late response.