Birthday Party Etiquette - RSVP-ing Late

[Anonymous]

"Harsh, yes, but I'm sick and tired of parents who have no manners. "


PP are you really gonna kick out the kid who shows up without having RSVP'd? You'll show 'em some manners, huh...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You expect folks to RSVP more than a week in advance for a kid's party?
Really?

If there's an RSVP by date, then yes, I expect you to provide your response by then, or I will assume you are not coming. Many places require a head count in advance!

I'm with you, OP. It is super-annoying (not to mention rude) when people do not RSVP by the deadline, or even do not RSVP at all. I am a "planner" and I like to have things done and organized too. Just wanted to add my condolences. . .

Hope the party goes well!

Actually, the person you responded to is not the OP, but I'm glad to see there are at least three of us (you, me and OP) in agreement on this! I'm a planner, too, and most outside places require a head count, so not having an RSVP, or having one come in after the deadline, can really mess with planning. It's gotten SO bad that next year we're not having more than a couple of kids to DDs party. I'm done dealing with the majority who thinks their lives are too busy or too important to follow basic ettiquette rules!

Me too. I'm the PP from right above you. (Sorry, I thought you were the OP at first, but I am glad we all 3 at least to be of the same mind on this!) Anyway, we are just doing a bday party with DD's cousins this year, when she turns 5. She'll love it, the cousins will love it, and at least I know the moms (my sisters) will RSVP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Harsh, yes, but I'm sick and tired of parents who have no manners. "


PP are you really gonna kick out the kid who shows up without having RSVP'd? You'll show 'em some manners, huh...

Yes, I am. It's simple: The location had a deadline or a ca on participants and they did not RSVP so can't participate. It doesn't have to be done in a mean way, but rather done I such a way so as to get the point across.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I had someone RSVP yes a half hour before my daughter's birthday party.

That's why I stopped using Evite - didn't allow the host to lock in an RSVP deadline, and gave ppl the illusion that it's OK to RSVP at the last minute.

You do realize you can put in a deadline when using eVite and send who have yet to RSVP a reminder as the deadline is approaching, right? No better, or worse, than sending a paper invite, as people can just ignore the RSVP by date anyway and call you whenever they feel like it. The only way to truly enforce a deadline is to just assume those who have not responded by the deadline aren't coming and tell them you can't accommodate them when they RSVP late. If they show up, then you can either tell them you're at your max or did not budget extra kids for the party (if at a big venue with a cap) or not give a goodie bag to the child of the late responder (if at your house or a venue without a cap), claiming in both cases that you had a deadline and did not expect them to come. Harsh, yes, but I'm sick and tired of parents who have no manners.

Good for you. I say we all do that and maybe eventually the trend will catch on. Maybe the boorish parents will care more when their kids are crying in the car on the way home b/c Mommy forgot to RSVP. Maybe this will help Mommy remember better next time. We talk about natural consequences for our kids? Here's one for the parents -- enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People. Apart from the rudeness aspect, a fairly accurate head count is needed at some outside party places. Or there's a fixed cost for the space and a host doesn't want her kid to wind up with five guests when they could have 20 (not to mention the waste in paying for extra food or else embarrassment in not having enough food).

It's not rocket science. The invite comes, check your calendar, check if your kid wants to go/you're ok with taking him there, and then RSVP yes or no. You're not SO important or SO busy that you can't manage to give a response. It's basic courtesy and if you don't respond to an invitation, you're just being a dick.

Seriously. Just WHAT in heaven's name makes this so difficult? I really do not understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Good for you. I say we all do that and maybe eventually the trend will catch on. Maybe the boorish parents will care more when their kids are crying in the car on the way home b/c Mommy forgot to RSVP. Maybe this will help Mommy remember better next time. We talk about natural consequences for our kids? Here's one for the parents -- enjoy!

I'm the poster you're responding to. I hadn't exactly though of this as a natural consequence for the parent (I only recently became familiar with the tm despite having a 5-year-old), but I like that you brought it up in that light! Sad thing is I don't think we can teach these old dogs new tricks, but I sure as hell am not going to let them continue to walk all over me. It's time we all learn to respect one another. You. Ay not like the constraints of an RSVP deadline, but it's not your party and, therefore, not your choice. Interesti Bly enough I find the people who are the worst at providing a timely RSVP are also the most aggressive at pressuring you for one well before their stated RSVP date. For all your late or non repliers, please explain to me why that is!

[Anonymous]

Or you could get a bunch of drop outs at the last minute and have a BAZILLION party favors left over...like my kid's party.

It's a crap shoot, OP.

Just assume if they haven't RSVP'd by now, they aren't coming. Send out a reminder, and if you don't get any more RSVP's in a day's time...be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or you could get a bunch of drop outs at the last minute and have a BAZILLION party favors left over...like my kid's party.

It's a crap shoot, OP.

Just assume if they haven't RSVP'd by now, they aren't coming. Send out a reminder, and if you don't get any more RSVP's in a day's time...be done with it.

The annoyance is receiving RSVPs LATE. I'd like to just tell the child, "Well, your mom/dad did not tell me in advance that you were coming, so I didn't order/buy enough goodies to give to you." Unfortunately, we as adults don't do that, though I agree this is about the only way to teach the parent something.

[Anonymous]

I do think it is horribly rude not to RSVP or to RSVP really late, but would not feel comfortable telling a child they could not attend the event because they didn't RSVP. I would feel too bad for the kid, who was not at fault in the situation.

[Anonymous]

Let me know when you get that thank you card out for the gift I provided LAST month.

[Anonymous]

I would get extra goodie bags anyway, OP, because there is always a fair chance some parent is going to think it is completely fine to bring an uninvited sibling to the party as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think it is horribly rude not to RSVP or to RSVP really late, but would not feel comfortable telling a child they could not attend the event because they didn't RSVP. I would feel too bad for the kid, who was not at fault in the situation.

Me either. I would never tell a child who showed up for a party that "sorry, your mom/dad didnt RSVP, you cant come to the party." Yes, it sucks when folks RSVP late or just show up but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt, make a couple extra goodie bags and call it a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think it is horribly rude not to RSVP or to RSVP really late, but would not feel comfortable telling a child they could not attend the event because they didn't RSVP. I would feel too bad for the kid, who was not at fault in the situation.

Me either. I would never tell a child who showed up for a party that "sorry, your mom/dad didnt RSVP, you cant come to the party." Yes, it sucks when folks RSVP late or just show up but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt, make a couple extra goodie bags and call it a day.

I would not. It might be a bit uncomfortable, but sometimes the extra person violates the venue's policy on maximum capacity for parties. If we continue to let mannerless parents get away with their bad behavior, then they will never learn their lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think it is horribly rude not to RSVP or to RSVP really late, but would not feel comfortable telling a child they could not attend the event because they didn't RSVP. I would feel too bad for the kid, who was not at fault in the situation.

Me either. I would never tell a child who showed up for a party that "sorry, your mom/dad didnt RSVP, you cant come to the party." Yes, it sucks when folks RSVP late or just show up but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt, make a couple extra goodie bags and call it a day.

I would not. It might be a bit uncomfortable, but sometimes the extra person violates the venue's policy on maximum capacity for parties. If we continue to let mannerless parents get away with their bad behavior, then they will never learn their lesson.

Ditto.

[Anonymous]

Flame away poster here. In full disclosure, I always RSVP well in advance. I've got three kids and a crazy calendar. No, it's not hard to manage, but I did drop a ball once. I thought I had RSVPed and we hadn't. I was one of the ugly, unplanned parents whom the host graciously accommodated within hours notice. My point is we're not perfect parents. Please don't generalize folks on a single mistake. Moreover, punishing the kids is crazy talk.