Birthday Party Etiquette - RSVP-ing Late

[Anonymous]

I'm a type A and enjoy hosting parties - and this type of stuff doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I plan for it in advance and project out estimates of no shows, extra siblings, last minute replies, sick kids, etc...

Good for you. Some people have different personality types, different demands on their time, yet still want to have a fun birthday event for their kid. People RSVPing as requested helps to facilitate that, and is the polite thing to do. Is it the end of the world that people don't do so? No. It is an annoyance and inconvenience? Yes.

[Anonymous]

Or just don't do goody bags[b]!!!

[Anonymous]

don't do goodie bags, problem solved. no one wants that crap anyway.

[Anonymous]

Listen lady, you are going to have a long and unhappy life if this is what is getting your knickers in a twist. I have had people RSVP an hour before the party. Just plan for a couple of extra, which will compensate for the no-shows. This is what kiddie birthday parties are in the DMV. Roll with it baby.

[Anonymous]

People. Apart from the rudeness aspect, a fairly accurate head count is needed at some outside party places. Or there's a fixed cost for the space and a host doesn't want her kid to wind up with five guests when they could have 20 (not to mention the waste in paying for extra food or else embarrassment in not having enough food).

It's not rocket science. The invite comes, check your calendar, check if your kid wants to go/you're ok with taking him there, and then RSVP yes or no. You're not SO important or SO busy that you can't manage to give a response. It's basic courtesy and if you don't respond to an invitation, you're just being a dick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listen lady, you are going to have a long and unhappy life if this is what is getting your knickers in a twist. I have had people RSVP an hour before the party. Just plan for a couple of extra, which will compensate for the no-shows. This is what kiddie birthday parties are in the DMV. Roll with it baby.

OP. Not getting my knickers in a bunch. In the past, I've had too much left over from goody bags and they are not the cheap plastic crap that you can order from the party supply store, so I didn't want to over purchase this time around.

People who do rsvp a few days or hours before a party really are inconsiderate, lazy, disorganized if they can't figure out if they can drive their child to a party in a given window.

If you have guests rsvp-ing an hour before the party, it says a lot about you and your social circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You expect folks to RSVP more than a week in advance for a kid's party?
Really?

If there's an RSVP by date, then yes, I expect you to provide your response by then, or I will assume you are not coming. Many places require a head count in advance!

I'm with you, OP. It is super-annoying (not to mention rude) when people do not RSVP by the deadline, or even do not RSVP at all. I am a "planner" and I like to have things done and organized too. Just wanted to add my condolences. . .

Hope the party goes well!

Actually, the person you responded to is not the OP, but I'm glad to see there are at least three of us (you, me and OP) in agreement on this! I'm a planner, too, and most outside places require a head count, so not having an RSVP, or having one come in after the deadline, can really mess with planning. It's gotten SO bad that next year we're not having more than a couple of kids to DDs party. I'm done dealing with the majority who thinks their lives are too busy or too important to follow basic ettiquette rules!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD's party is at a place where they have a cap on the number of kids allowed. If some of her old friends are not coming, I would like to be able to invite some of her new classmates. That is hard to do if her old friends don't RSVP. Can I assume that they aren't coming if they don't RSVP by a week before the party? Would it be rude to invite her new classmates that late?

Slap on an RSVP deadline that is a few days ahead of when the outside place requires a headcount and then invite a few others from the new class at the last minute if you haven't reached the cap. We've been invited at the last minute a couple of times and I assume either this or that we were left off due to an oversight since I have done both of those things myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agreed - beaten to death. I'm in the unpopular camp of... Seriously!!!! This is all you ppl have to worry about??? Just buy extra bags, deal with spontaneity, folks that plan poorly or miss multiple emails about kids’ birthday parties. Some of us jugglers are bound to drop balls.

I'm a type A and enjoy hosting parties - and this type of stuff doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I plan for it in advance and project out estimates of no shows, extra siblings, last minute replies, sick kids, etc... in my planning. There's an event planning science to it - and you don't need an exact head count in most cases. If you do, please make that clear in the invite for those of us assuming it's not that important in the grand scheme of things.

In sum, get a life. Flame away….

And how much free time do you really have to accomplish all of that? A simple RSVP from guests by the deadline and no requests to bring siblings (i.e., basic manners) would go a long way. I shouldn't have to guesstimate. And for what it's worth, I've tried everything from paper invites in school boxes to invites mailed home to eVite, all with follow up reminders via e-mail or phone to those stragglers, and NOTHING WORKS. When you discover that your precious snowflake has been left off an invite list, think twice about your bad manners before getting your panties in a twist.

- Signed a Type-A who spends her day doing modeling work (not the Heidi Klum kind, but the mathematics kind) and could easily figure this out but has decided not to because she's freakin' tired of people and their rotten manners

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If you have guests rsvp-ing an hour before the party, it says a lot about you and your social circle.

I had someone RSVP yes a half hour before my daughter's birthday party. We had invited her entire kindergarten class.

What exactly does this say about me and my social circle?

[Anonymous]

What exactly does this say about me and my social circle?

Not the PP. It says nothing about you and your social circle, but it does say that, absent some exigent circumstancs, the later responder was very rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What exactly does this say about me and my social circle?

Not the PP. It says nothing about you and your social circle, but it does say that, absent some exigent circumstancs, the later responder was very rude.

+1.

I would have told the late responder that I was past the point where the place would allow any extra guests or that I was at my limit on guests and could not accommodate them. I'm sure it wouldn't have done anything to change their MO, but at least maybe they would stop and think twice about being more punctual with an RSVP if it happened enough times. For those that will flame because this only hurts the child, maybe a good tantrum because the child couldn't attend the party will help straighten out the parent!

As for the PP who thinks that others with poor manners reflects negatively on you and your social circle, I disagree. When inviting classmates to a child's birthday party, it is often the case that you are trying to be inclusive, or are merely inviting your child's friend to the party. Since the lack of social graces belongs to the parent in question and not the child and this parent may not even be someone you know personally (or know well), it's a stretch at best to link the two. Now if these are your close friends who continually do this, then that's a different story. But in most cases, it's parents you hardly know, or know at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I had someone RSVP yes a half hour before my daughter's birthday party.

That's why I stopped using Evite - didn't allow the host to lock in an RSVP deadline, and gave ppl the illusion that it's OK to RSVP at the last minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What exactly does this say about me and my social circle?

Not the PP. It says nothing about you and your social circle, but it does say that, absent some exigent circumstancs, the later responder was very rude.

+1.

I would have told the late responder that I was past the point where the place would allow any extra guests or that I was at my limit on guests and could not accommodate them. I'm sure it wouldn't have done anything to change their MO, but at least maybe they would stop and think twice about being more punctual with an RSVP if it happened enough times. For those that will flame because this only hurts the child, maybe a good tantrum because the child couldn't attend the party will help straighten out the parent!

As for the PP who thinks that others with poor manners reflects negatively on you and your social circle, I disagree. When inviting classmates to a child's birthday party, it is often the case that you are trying to be inclusive, or are merely inviting your child's friend to the party. Since the lack of social graces belongs to the parent in question and not the child and this parent may not even be someone you know personally (or know well), it's a stretch at best to link the two. Now if these are your close friends who continually do this, then that's a different story. But in most cases, it's parents you hardly know, or know at all.

OP. I stand corrected and thank you for the mature manner in which you explained/pointed this out. I haven't done a mass class invite from her class, yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I had someone RSVP yes a half hour before my daughter's birthday party.

That's why I stopped using Evite - didn't allow the host to lock in an RSVP deadline, and gave ppl the illusion that it's OK to RSVP at the last minute.

You do realize you can put in a deadline when using eVite and send who have yet to RSVP a reminder as the deadline is approaching, right? No better, or worse, than sending a paper invite, as people can just ignore the RSVP by date anyway and call you whenever they feel like it. The only way to truly enforce a deadline is to just assume those who have not responded by the deadline aren't coming and tell them you can't accommodate them when they RSVP late. If they show up, then you can either tell them you're at your max or did not budget extra kids for the party (if at a big venue with a cap) or not give a goodie bag to the child of the late responder (if at your house or a venue without a cap), claiming in both cases that you had a deadline and did not expect them to come. Harsh, yes, but I'm sick and tired of parents who have no manners.