INLAWs refuse to call my DS by his birth name!

[Anonymous]

My MIL buys gifts like pencils, keychains, etc. with the WRONG name on them for my daughter -- oh, and P.S. it is boy's name. She also calls her by the wrong name half the time...and mispronounces it about another quarter of the time.

She suggested a name for my daughter when I was pregnant that she heard on a soap opera.

It is so irritating, but she possesses limited intelligence, so what's a girl to do.

[Anonymous]

I do understand the pains parents go to in picking a name, but there is a little bit of projection involved with naming a child too. The fact that the child was named after a dead grandfather is fine. However, the fact that no one is allowed to mess with the name because of that name is not. This is a little human being here, and this is the only name he gets. Why should he feel that his name has to be some homage to a grandparent he has never met? Why should others? Everyone has their name messed with/cutsied up/abbreviated. Her son should not have to feel that his name however is off limits from normal nick-naming. Why? Kids like nick-names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do understand the pains parents go to in picking a name, but there is a little bit of projection involved with naming a child too. The fact that the child was named after a dead grandfather is fine. However, the fact that no one is allowed to mess with the name because of that name is not. This is a little human being here, and this is the only name he gets. Why should he feel that his name has to be some homage to a grandparent he has never met? Why should others? Everyone has their name messed with/cutsied up/abbreviated. Her son should not have to feel that his name however is off limits from normal nick-naming. Why? Kids like nick-names.

This isn't about what the kid wants to call himself. This is about what other people get to call a kid with a name. If I name my child Kelly, anyone calling her Jane is calling her by the wrong name.

Here's the question: why do the grandparents continue to call him Roo after his mother has expressed her wish that they don't? That's the real question and suggests they are overbearing.

[Anonymous]

Hubby should talk to his parents. I know that when we have issues with my parents, it is easier if I bring the topic up than it would be if my husband brought it up. W/ in-law relationships, sometimes ego comes into play. However, if it is the child talking to the parents in private, perhaps it could work out better. Maybe you can get your husband to say something.

[Anonymous]

The issue is not that the kid doesn't like the nickname but that the mother doesn't like the nickname. If the name is making the child upset, of course the mother should intervene. But this is a cute nickname certainly not intended to upset the child. The fact is, the mother may have decided the name but she does not own the nicknames, and by linking this name to her recently deceased father, she's putting some additional burden on her child that his name is "off-limits" for nicknaming. Why do parents think they control the nicknames? Let the grandparents call him Roo. It's a sweet little name which is unique to the Grandparents. I think it will be a nice memory for the child. Everyone else may call him Drew or whatever, but his grandparents called him this special little name. And I think it's frankly the mom's problem that she has chosen to get highly offended by it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you to those who understand the significance of my son's name. I learned I was pregnant just a few weeks after my fathers passing and yes, this name means something very special to me. I did not pull this name out of thin air or peel through baby name books to find one that sounds right.

I do not have power "issues" with my inlaws as some posters suggest. And for the record, my father's passing has given me "issues". Anyone who has lost a parent who to them was bigger than the sun, surely understands where I am coming from, losing a parent can cause some "issues" you know sorrow, pain, loss, depression... of the mill "issues". Other than this, I get along with my inlaws just fine. We vacation together, we dine with them weekly, and they will probably live with us one day when they are too old to care for themselves. However, personally, I would never call someone's child a nickname that I was expressly told not to call them, especially if the child was named after a deseased parent.

Also, I want to set some posters straight. I NEVER once said that I'm going to control what name my son choses to go by, so for those posters, please save the creative writing for something else. He can introduce himself as Antoinette if that's what he wants, but for now, he cannot express such sentiment and I prefer that people call him Andrew. I fully suspect that once he enters school, people might call him Andy or Drew and he can tell people if that what he wants. Did I say that I had a problem with that? This is not the issue.

Ironically, my DH is much more irritated by the name Roo than I. He has mentioned his displeasure more vocally than I (it is HIS job to deliver strong corrections to his family, not mine). At this point, I truly do think that they are doing this just to tick him (or maybe me) off.

[Anonymous]

It's been 2 years. Why are you writing about this now? Also they haven't changed in this time -- do you intend to keep holding on to the anger of this issue?

[Anonymous]

"Roo" seems like it relates to the name "Andrew" to me, except for the spelling. If they were spelling it "Rew," it would be clear that it is just their short for AndREW. I still think Roo is just a shortened form of the last syllable of the name, so I don't see any prolem with it; it seems to directly derive from the proper name. This seems to me like another situation of too much time spent stewing over something that, in the long-run, is a complete non-issue.

[Anonymous]

Also OP, the issue with picking a name for someone bigger than the sun is that you may be overly attached to the name, which really isn't fair to grandparents and others. Everyone has the right to take joy in your son (you are, for example, more than your mother's daughter). So let them love and enjoy him. So many other bigger things to worry over.

[Anonymous]

I would be irritated by ILs' insistence, but would probably let it go. Perhaps this is their little teasing way to get back at you for something or get a rise out of you. Changing it after two years would probably require a big blowup. Just keep calling him Andrew yourself . . .

Also, tell them that you "rue" the day they insisted on using the "roo" name, while making quote marks with your hands. If you keep repeating that dumb pun every time they call him "roo," maybe they will get tired of pushing the point.

[Anonymous]

My mother firmly told my dad's family over and over again that my sister's name was *not* to be abbreviated ... That was 30 years ago and my grandparents and aunts have never forgotten how "rude" my mom was for bossing them about the nickname. (Although FWIW, my sister still doesn't go by any nicknames because she loves her full name. Your son may thank you!) I'd probably drop it but call my in-laws by nicknames too ... just for a little laugh between my husband and I.

[Anonymous]

OP: Given that there have been discussions, I believe you have 2 paths you can take.

Ignore it - or be rude. They have obviously heard your requests and I assume no additonal discussions are going to change their mind.

If you want an all out war - come up with some nick names for them and start using.

If you want to vent - just keep typing

[Anonymous]

Given that your son is two, he is now able to vocally object to any nickname he does not like. I wouldn't say this except my DS, now three, has vocally objected to any nickname thrown at him since before he was two. He always insists that everyone call him by his "proper" name. It has actually become a joke in our family since my sister is constantly trying to call him by certain nickname.

Also, since it has been going on for two years, it is probably by now a very hard habit for your in-laws to break. Not impossible, but hard.

Finally, I can totally see "Roo" as a nickname for Andrew, so I don't think it is a case where they are disregarding the name you gave you child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also OP, the issue with picking a name for someone bigger than the sun is that you may be overly attached to the name, which really isn't fair to grandparents and others. Everyone has the right to take joy in your son (you are, for example, more than your mother's daughter). So let them love and enjoy him. So many other bigger things to worry over.

OP, please ignore this person -- they obviously do not understand the loss of a parent. And I don't mean this as a criticism. I don't think it can be understood until you go through it yourself. Kind of like becoming a mother -- you think you get it but you really, really don't until you have your own child. Losing a parent is one of the most difficult things you will ever go through and if it makes you feel good to honor your father than do so and it's not asking much to for others -- especially people who are close to you -- to respect the choice that you and DH as the child's parents have made. And you are presumably bringing this up two years later because it is still bothering you so take care of it so it can stop eating away at you.

[Anonymous]

I'm the mom of 4 , each of whom is called all kinds of loving nicknames by their grandparents, friends, aunts & uncles and honestly it doesn't bother me a bit. You don't "own" your child's relationship with his grandparents and you can't tell an adult what they must say . It really seems so petty to me, who cares what the heck 2 peopleof all the people in the world call a little guy if they have a loving relationship ! Take the stick out of you know where and just enjoy this time ! One day ( I can only hope ) if you allow yourself, you'll look back on these days of Roo with fondness & nostalgia !