INLAWs refuse to call my DS by his birth name!

[Anonymous]

At least the name is so babyish that it will no doubt fall by the wayside. It would be much more irritating if they started using Andy or something more adult that your dad didn't use right out of the womb. Some people can't help but act really cutesy around babies. It is annoying, but it will pass once he gets older. Sometimes I think my in-laws are trying to get my goat or being disrespectful, but it usually just comes down to having different ways of looking at things and the fact that they are clueless rubes.

[Anonymous]

you mean clueless roos?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you mean clueless roos?

good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yeah unless the husband is sane and doesn't think there's anything wrong with the nickname.

really, i can see how it is annoying because you're the one who chose the name painstakingly and thoughtfully, but i can also see how it is really not a big deal. your kid may very well acquire some nicknames in the future and guess what... you will have no control over it. NONE. so why is ithat so different now?

seems like a stupid power struggle.

What?! She named the baby after her recently deceased *father*. If there is a power struggle here, it is caused by the grandparents who won't just go along. Someone needs to be more accommodating here and it isn't the OP!

I have no issues with my inlaws, who are lovely, but if they did this I would ask them to stop and I would ask until they stopped.

[Anonymous]

What?! She named the baby after her recently deceased *father*. If there is a power struggle here, it is caused by the grandparents who won't just go along. Someone needs to be more accommodating here and it isn't the OP!

ITA with this. This is the crux of the matter, and the fact that OP's recently deceased father was named Andrew cannot have been lost on the inlaws. Whether or not I or OP decide to let it go, or not, I do think the inlaws are being tone-deaf clods at best.

And of course they can "help themselves" but choose not to when uttering the kid's name. I have a neighbor that I privately have never called anything but Doofus since the day I met him. But I can certainly "help myself" when I greet him in person, and call him by his given name.

[Anonymous]

i have this same issue-- my in-laws have changed my girl's nickname, and it drives me nuts! i will email them using her nickname and they will reply, referring to her as a different nickname...and it's not just a cutsy baby nickname, it's a legitimate nickname to her given name, but not the one we chose to use! Why do in-laws seem to drive us all CRAZY!?!?!? Of course, if OUR parents did this, it wouldn't bother us at all!

[Anonymous]

i'm not sure why you think this nickname is based in disrespect, though you must have a reason, but there really are worse things. i don't mean to belittle your issue or imply that you don't have the right to be upset, but i would encourage you to think about just letting this one go. while i know this is an extreme example, my parents are mad at me because we didn't make a 2.5 hour car trip (each way) with our 3 month old son the saturday before i went back to work from mat leave to attend my nephew's 12th birthday party. they have not spoken to me since and have not seen our son in 18 months. i'd rather have them call him a nickname i don't like...

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP with the rubish in-laws. I would probably decide to let it go if this were my in-laws because winning would involve their constantly saying "roo..oh, i mean andrew" and "we're supposed to call him andrew now" etc. all the time, making it seem inconvenient and bizarre that I had insisted. So, you may not get what you want, even if they make the switch, because their pulling this typre of stuff would be really annoying, too.

[Anonymous]

If it helps, remember that your son will have his own preferences and someday his grandparents' unwanted pet names may actually annoy him more than anything. My grandmother insisted throughout my life on calling me Susan instead of Suzanne or the endless related nicknames that I used as a kid - my mother finally explained that it was because she perceived my name as French and disapproved immensely (oh, those tribal Irish Americans!) It kind of cracks me up now, how different the world was when old Irish women worried about the encroaching influence of the French.

FWIW, I think the association of your son's name with your late father makes your objection more than justified. Perhaps a private talk from your husband can help them understand why this is important to you (although it should be obvious!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yeah unless the husband is sane and doesn't think there's anything wrong with the nickname.

really, i can see how it is annoying because you're the one who chose the name painstakingly and thoughtfully, but i can also see how it is really not a big deal. your kid may very well acquire some nicknames in the future and guess what... you will have no control over it. NONE. so why is ithat so different now?

seems like a stupid power struggle.

Sorry. OP is naming the child after her dead father. This is not a trivial thing. And surely many of us have seen how parents and in-laws can willfully over-rule parents with moves like this. I am also a go with the flow person. But if my inlaws disrespected a family name, my dead father's name, I would light them up. They should know better, end of story.

This is one that the husband should straighten out behind the scenes. If he needs an excuse, tell them it' DW's dead father's name!

[Anonymous]

I suspect OP's husband doesn't see this in the same light as she does. Otherwise he would surely have spoken to his parents about it.

[Anonymous]

Why did you wait 2 years to raise this?

[Anonymous]

I can't really see the problem with your in laws using a pet name when they talk to your DS - especially Roo for Andrew. But, it's kind of bizarre that they put it on cards and tell people that is his name. I use lots of pet names for my kids, my nieces, and my nephews, but would never think of telling others to use my pet names or using the pet names on cards. I guess I should feel lucky because even though my in laws don't like my new baby's name, they use it - along with a few pet names, which I do not expect to see show up on cards.
I also agree with others that kids will correct themselves. My one son's name has a natural nickname, but my family is not much into nicknames, so we don't use it. I don't object, but it's just not our thing. Anyway, if anyone tries to call my son the shortened nickname, he will correct them or not respond.

[Anonymous]

You should come up with some choice nicknames of your own for your inlaws.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is about the nickname at all -- it sounds like it has more to do with your relationship with your in-laws -- which is totally understandable. You can dwell and stew over this or move on.

IMHO: Roo is a cute nickname. Let them call him what they want -- and you call him Andrew -- and introduce him as Andrew. I come from a family where nicknames are common and numerous. I have multiple nicknames that only certain people use (ie: my grandpa called me by one -- my father by another, etc.). I have to say it made me feel special that my relatives had different nicknames for me and my siblings.

Once again: Roo is cute. You should hear some of the nicknames my relatives call my kids (How would you feel if your in-laws called your kid Monkey-butt? Although I have to say that my kid did in fact earn that name.)

BTW, there are grown adults living in Montgomery County with childhood nicknames such as Pooter and Peeper that stuck -- at least Roo isn't as bad as those (although those grown men don't seem to mind). Another one: I met a couple who call their kid Linus b/c of his attachment to his blanket.