INLAWs refuse to call my DS by his birth name!

[Anonymous]

Just let your inlaws be "satisfied" with their pet-name for their grandson and let it be.

The rest of the family calls your DS by his God given name so don't let it get to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

His name is Andrew, and yes, I consider that a classic. I'm not sure why they can't just call him Drew if they must.

I don't have issues with my inlaws, I simply happen to like the name we picked and don't think its outrageous to ask that the name be respected. I named my son after my father who passed away a few months after I married, who never got to meet his first grandchild. I think its completely insensitive to butcher my son's name like that. My father was called Andrew and I prefer that until my son can make his own choices that he be called Andrew. If I meet someone named Michelle, should I insist on calling her Shelly? Should Michelle simply relax when I refer to her as Shelly?

Well, OP, when you write like this it sure seems like you have issues with your in-laws. I mean, are you going to snap at every child and parent who calls your son "Andy" or "Drew"? Maybe your in-laws are just crazy about their grandchild and enjoy having a nickname of their own for him. Is that such a terrible thing? Is it really "butchering" his name? They're not disrespecting your father, you know. They're just enjoying their grandson. It seems like a pretty small thing to me.

[Anonymous]

PP is right. I think OP has bigger issues with her in-laws than she is 'fessing up to. Who cares what cute nickname grandparents come up with for their grandkids? No one else will call him that, and it's not the same thing as you, OP, deliberately calling an adult by a nickname like Shelly when SHE HERSELF has specifically asked you to call her Michelle. For all you know, your DS might like the name "Roo!" I think you need to relax about this and ponder, if you must, why it bothers you so much.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PPs. This is perhaps your first experience where you understand even though you are the parent, you don't actually own the child. I have a nine year old, and I realize now I have no control in what he is called by his friends (and none of them call him his actual name).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

His name is Andrew, and yes, I consider that a classic. I'm not sure why they can't just call him Drew if they must.

I don't have issues with my inlaws, I simply happen to like the name we picked and don't think its outrageous to ask that the name be respected. I named my son after my father who passed away a few months after I married, who never got to meet his first grandchild. I think its completely insensitive to butcher my son's name like that. My father was called Andrew and I prefer that until my son can make his own choices that he be called Andrew. If I meet someone named Michelle, should I insist on calling her Shelly? Should Michelle simply relax when I refer to her as Shelly?

Well, OP, when you write like this it sure seems like you have issues with your in-laws. I mean, are you going to snap at every child and parent who calls your son "Andy" or "Drew"? Maybe your in-laws are just crazy about their grandchild and enjoy having a nickname of their own for him. Is that such a terrible thing? Is it really "butchering" his name? They're not disrespecting your father, you know. They're just enjoying their grandson. It seems like a pretty small thing to me.

Agree with the PP. This is a different situation than an adult meeting another adult and then calling them by a different name or nickname just because they feel like it. It sounds like your in-laws have given your son a pet name that is special to them and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. At school, the dr's office, music class, etc you can tell people to call him Andrew, but grandparents should have some leeway to give their grandchildren pet names IMO.

[Anonymous]

I understand why the OP is upset and I would be as well. And maybe I need to lighten up too but --- to me this is not about the probably harmless nickname. It is about your in-laws lack of respect for you and your DH's choice. And as a person who lost a parent a few years ago, I would find this to be a sensitive issue as well. There are many things in DCs life that you will not be able to control but this is not one of them -- your requests should be honored. (Or, just to be silly or to satisfy yourself or add some humor to this, you can make up new nicknames for them that they don't like and call them that from now on.

[Anonymous]

it could be worse - my husband has an uncle whose nick name stuck - he's Uncle Bud, of course his given name is Dwight. I'm really not sure which is worse...

[Anonymous]

Just be direct! When they call him Roo, stop look them in the eye and tell them that is not him name, please do not call him that anymore. If they do it againt, say it again. If they do it again, tell them this is the third time and say it again. On the fourth time..come up with your own creative (and unpleasant) nicknames for them and start calling them by their new names.

Its rude to force a nickname on someone else.

[Anonymous]

Where does your husband stand on this?

There are points in time when situations require family to family conversations when in-laws are not part of the conversation. For your family, this appears to be one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand why the OP is upset and I would be as well. And maybe I need to lighten up too but --- to me this is not about the probably harmless nickname. It is about your in-laws lack of respect for you and your DH's choice. And as a person who lost a parent a few years ago, I would find this to be a sensitive issue as well. There are many things in DCs life that you will not be able to control but this is not one of them -- your requests should be honored. (Or, just to be silly or to satisfy yourself or add some humor to this, you can make up new nicknames for them that they don't like and call them that from now on.

I'm pretty much a go-with-the-flow / don't-sweat-the-small-stuff type of person, and yet I happen to agree with this poster and OP, too. This is about the in-laws not honoring and respecting something that clearly means a great deal to OP. This particular issue may not mean as much to the rest of us, but I'm sure each of us can think of a topic/issue that is at the top of our lists that we very much want/expect our in-laws to honor.

Bottom line: OP, if you haven't done so already, make some time to sit them down and re-explain the significance of "Andrew." Rather than just correcting them on the fly or mentioning it in a joking or indirect way, be very clear. Tell them what you told us -- that you feel like they are dishonoring you and your father's memory every time they call your son "Roo". And then ask them point-blank to stop out of respect to you and your father's memory. If they continue doing it anyway, well, it's time to let it go. Your son will get to decide this for himself soon enough . . . .

All the best to you and little Andrew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be direct! When they call him Roo, stop look them in the eye and tell them that is not him name, please do not call him that anymore. If they do it againt, say it again. If they do it again, tell them this is the third time and say it again. On the fourth time..come up with your own creative (and unpleasant) nicknames for them and start calling them by their new names.

Its rude to force a nickname on someone else.

Oh, don't listen to this advice above! If you do that you will look inflexible, humorless and probably hurt someone's feelings. You need to grow up and appreciate the fact that they love your child and have such a cute nickname for him. My In-Laws couldn't even remember my daughter's name and called her Linda (her name is Lauren) when they came to visit once a year. They had cute nicknames for the other older grandchildren, but not for mine. They don't even remember how old she is and have to call me every Christmas to ask. Be grateful for loving grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be direct! When they call him Roo, stop look them in the eye and tell them that is not him name, please do not call him that anymore. If they do it againt, say it again. If they do it again, tell them this is the third time and say it again. On the fourth time..come up with your own creative (and unpleasant) nicknames for them and start calling them by their new names.

Its rude to force a nickname on someone else.

Although I agree with the sentiment, I can't imagine anyone saying to their in-laws "now, this is the third time..." like they are kids. My aunt was very direct about not using nicknames for any of her kids. Of the four, only one was a potential problem: Kathleen. From the day little Kathleen was born, my aunt stressed to everyone, "please call her Kathleen--not Kate, Katie, or Kathy; it's Kathleen." But...since she did it from Day 1, it was a bit easier. My inlaws are the only ones who use a certain nickname for my son. I don't dislike it, but it SO doesn't fit his personality.

I can't remember the beginning of the post...but I think OP said this has been going on for nearly 2 years. At this point, honestly, I'd just give up and let them have their way. You picked a name conducive to nicknames, and he likely will be Andy or Drew at some point in his life. "Roo" is not likely to stick, and will probably just be his little thing with his grandparents. Since it is kind of a babyish name, even they will probably outgrow it.

I do, however agree with you-- this name obviously has special meaning for you (easily understandable by them), AND is a perfectly normal name. My motto is "pick your battles."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand why the OP is upset and I would be as well. And maybe I need to lighten up too but --- to me this is not about the probably harmless nickname. It is about your in-laws lack of respect for you and your DH's choice. And as a person who lost a parent a few years ago, I would find this to be a sensitive issue as well. There are many things in DCs life that you will not be able to control but this is not one of them -- your requests should be honored. (Or, just to be silly or to satisfy yourself or add some humor to this, you can make up new nicknames for them that they don't like and call them that from now on.

I'm pretty much a go-with-the-flow / don't-sweat-the-small-stuff type of person, and yet I happen to agree with this poster and OP, too. This is about the in-laws not honoring and respecting something that clearly means a great deal to OP. This particular issue may not mean as much to the rest of us, but I'm sure each of us can think of a topic/issue that is at the top of our lists that we very much want/expect our in-laws to honor.

Bottom line: OP, if you haven't done so already, make some time to sit them down and re-explain the significance of "Andrew." Rather than just correcting them on the fly or mentioning it in a joking or indirect way, be very clear. Tell them what you told us -- that you feel like they are dishonoring you and your father's memory every time they call your son "Roo". And then ask them point-blank to stop out of respect to you and your father's memory. If they continue doing it anyway, well, it's time to let it go. Your son will get to decide this for himself soon enough . . . .

All the best to you and little Andrew.

Wow, this is interesting to me. I have a daughter and my-inlaws, daycare, my friends have come up with nickname variants of her name that, honestly, I really hate. My daughter is named for my grandmother. However, I have never ever interpreted the nicknames as a disrepect to me, dh, or my grandmother. If DD's name was Anna and they insisted on calling her Jane, then I can see the disrespect. Instead, what I see this is as is pet names and affections between my daughter and those who call her those names. If she dislikes it as she gets older, she can speak up, and I will say something for her or she can say it herself.

Like I said, I hate the nicknames and initially I thought of asking people to quit it, but I pondered a while and thought better of it. DH and I decide our daughter's legal given name, but we can't control how she presents herself to the world beyond that. I thought it was similar to dictating my in-laws relationship with her which I shouldn't do. Also, the nicknames are said out of affection for my daughter, not out of disrespect to me or my grandmother.

[Anonymous]

I think your husband is key here. There are limits to what daughters-in-law can accomplish because we are only daughters-in-law. If it's really important, get your husband to put his foot down and provide a unified front to the in-laws.

[Anonymous]

yeah unless the husband is sane and doesn't think there's anything wrong with the nickname.

really, i can see how it is annoying because you're the one who chose the name painstakingly and thoughtfully, but i can also see how it is really not a big deal. your kid may very well acquire some nicknames in the future and guess what... you will have no control over it. NONE. so why is ithat so different now?

seems like a stupid power struggle.