MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HI All! I have an issue and I want to know how to handle it gracefully. I do not get a long with my MIL at all -- we are civil to each other and i see her often, but I really can't stand her. I don't think she likes me either, but we ACT like we get along when we are face to face. I view her as intrusive, pushy, bossy, manipulative, lying, etc. I see her once a week for family time and that is about all I can stand. She gets to see DS once a week too -- sometimes more. She fawns over DS A LOT! ANyway, in the past she has been very nosy, intrusive, and tries to tell me and DH what to do and how to raise DS.

Me and DH both work full time out of the home and we have a nanny who is VERY nice. MIL is now asking if she can come over to our house to see DS during the week when only the nanny is there. Keep in mind MIL see DS EVERY weekend!! We make a HUGE effort to take DS to her house every Sunday. I am not comfortable with MIL coming to our home when we are not there. God only knows what she will say or do to our poor nanny. She has a history of bossing "the help" around -- whether it be a waiter, a cleaning person or a nanny, she is very demanding, etc. I am afraid she will bother the nanny, tell her what to do, ask her personal questions about me and DH and how we raise DS.

So, I do not want MIL there with my nanny and DS unless either my husband or I am there too. How do I gracefully and nicely tell MIL that she can't come over if we are not there??

Whenever I read a post like this I always wonder how the evil IL would describe the OP. Like are they oblivious and think the OP is totally awesome or would is the feeling mutual and both the OP and the IL are miserable human beings that can't function as grown ups and get along.

As for this situation let her see her grandchild as much as she wants. Even better you aren't there to be offended by her. She'll likely die long before you or your DC and then you can pop some champagne, but at least your DC will have gotten time with his grandparent.

Bonus: If it becomes intrusive or upsetting to your nanny you can blame it all on the nanny and your MIL can't "hold it against you". Win/Win

Who gives a shit if the kid gets to spend time with his grandparent? She is awful human being. OP should be working harder to LIMIT time with the MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HI All! I have an issue and I want to know how to handle it gracefully. I do not get a long with my MIL at all -- we are civil to each other and i see her often, but I really can't stand her. I don't think she likes me either, but we ACT like we get along when we are face to face. I view her as intrusive, pushy, bossy, manipulative, lying, etc. I see her once a week for family time and that is about all I can stand. She gets to see DS once a week too -- sometimes more. She fawns over DS A LOT! ANyway, in the past she has been very nosy, intrusive, and tries to tell me and DH what to do and how to raise DS.

Me and DH both work full time out of the home and we have a nanny who is VERY nice. MIL is now asking if she can come over to our house to see DS during the week when only the nanny is there. Keep in mind MIL see DS EVERY weekend!! We make a HUGE effort to take DS to her house every Sunday. I am not comfortable with MIL coming to our home when we are not there. God only knows what she will say or do to our poor nanny. She has a history of bossing "the help" around -- whether it be a waiter, a cleaning person or a nanny, she is very demanding, etc. I am afraid she will bother the nanny, tell her what to do, ask her personal questions about me and DH and how we raise DS.

So, I do not want MIL there with my nanny and DS unless either my husband or I am there too. How do I gracefully and nicely tell MIL that she can't come over if we are not there??

Whenever I read a post like this I always wonder how the evil IL would describe the OP. Like are they oblivious and think the OP is totally awesome or would is the feeling mutual and both the OP and the IL are miserable human beings that can't function as grown ups and get along.

As for this situation let her see her grandchild as much as she wants. Even better you aren't there to be offended by her. She'll likely die long before you or your DC and then you can pop some champagne, but at least your DC will have gotten time with his grandparent.

Bonus: If it becomes intrusive or upsetting to your nanny you can blame it all on the nanny and your MIL can't "hold it against you". Win/Win

Who gives a shit if the kid gets to spend time with his grandparent? She is awful human being. OP should be working harder to LIMIT time with the MIL.

She is according to the OP, who for all we know is a narcissist, a sociopath, a jerk, a drama queen or any of the things she listed about her MIL. Hence the "Whenever I read a post like this I always wonder how the evil IL would describe the OP." comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lemme guess, mother in law is divorced- never remarried? He husband maybe cheated on her? Was your DH her mini spouse? If so, he definitely needs to set some limits with his mother. I agree with other poster that said let her see child during the week if this excuses family visits on occasion. Perhaps she will be okay towards the nanny as the nanny didn't have the audacity to steal her son in the first place. Every Family has some messed up dynamics- nanny probably will tolerate it better than you anticipate; esp. if M.I.L took child out of the house for a few hours.

woa. new poster here, and this is my situation exactly.

[Anonymous]

Would it work for the nanny to take DS to visit his grandmother instead of having the grandmother come to your house? Or could the grandmother take him to an activity like a music or craft class?

[Anonymous]

I don't think you need to provide a reason.

I'd just say, "Interesting idea. Unfortunately that's not something we can do right now."

If she pushes and asks why, just repeat. "It's just not something we can do. We're looking forward to seeing you on Sunday though! "

Don't apologize. Just say we can't and change the subject.... over and over and over.