Need some advice about dealing with 17yo tyrant

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like a caring and concerned parent. I am sorry for what your whole family is going through, your son included. From the outside, it sounds like "tough love" is really your only choice. He won't believe you're doing it through love, but you will know and I hope that's enough to sustain you. Wishing you all the best.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP Dad who said let him join the military.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the PPs, so sorry if someone else said this, but I want to highly recommend taking your son to speak with a military recruiter now.

My nephew joined the Navy right out of high school. But he first met with a recruiter the summer before his senior year. They put him in a program that prepared him for service by monitoring his academics, helping him get in shape and motivating him with success stories and "meet the recruits" events.

He graduated, sailed through bootcamp and has been promoted twice in his first two years of service.

Go talk to a recruiter now.

I LIKE this idea a lot, OP! Especially since your son has already expressed interest in the military. You should take him to talk to a Recruiter. It sounds like he may crave some training and discipline in a different sort of way. A way that you as a parent or a therapist cannot provide. Take him serious and ask him about his wishes and dreams in regards to the military. But you have to act fast, because the further he spirals down, the less likely the chance that he will get into any of the armed services. My DH used to be an Army Recruiter and the rules and regs have changed a lot. It used to be 'military or jail', but that has changed. The services are downsizing and the economy is bad and more people are interested in joining to have a job and make a living with benefits. This makes joining the service a ot more competitive than it was in the past.

So, don't wait any longer. Get on it NOW!!!

Good luck! You sound like a nice and caring person.

[Anonymous]

Mine are grown and just fine, thank you. I am a former Marine and several of my children are currently serving. You put these chronic f*ckups in the service and lo and behold nothing changes. They just give the people who want to be there headaches.

Some kids are just rotten. Dump his lazy abusive ass out as soon as he turns 18, change the locks and prosecute if necessary. He won't learn until life beats him up sufficiently, and shielding him from it won't help. Btdt. Got the tshirt.

[Anonymous]

Military. Talk to a recruiter now so he knows what he needs to do to be accepted in the military. That might help him see that unless he shapes up, not even the military is going to take his sorry self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine are grown and just fine, thank you. I am a former Marine and several of my children are currently serving. You put these chronic f*ckups in the service and lo and behold nothing changes. They just give the people who want to be there headaches.

Some kids are just rotten. Dump his lazy abusive ass out as soon as he turns 18, change the locks and prosecute if necessary. He won't learn until life beats him up sufficiently, and shielding him from it won't help. Btdt. Got the tshirt.

Wow, this is harsh. You may be right that he just needs to be put out to sink or swim. But he is their child -- I don't think I could be quite this cold if it were my son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad here, with some experience in dealing with boys who get out of line.

I have two thoughts. First, he is past you. You're not getting through to him, and it does not sound like you're going to. He's not engaging with you, so don't spend all of your time trying to.

Second, I would strongly encourage you to let him, and help him, explore military service. Every single problem you list is something that the armed forces has dealt with, and will continue to deal with, every time the recruits get off the bus for basic training. Simply put, what they do is take boys like your son and turn them into men.

One note: he has to be clean. Automatic deal breaker--don't let him talk to a recruiter if he's using.

This is exactly the right advice. Take him to see a Marine recruiter, if he has the grades, ASVAB scores, and his clean. Take him tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Agree that this situation is hard on the siblings AND the marriage. Everyone suffers. Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

14:10 here.

USMC is harder to get into. Usually the Army has the lowest standards (sorry if stepped on someone's toes with that...).

Here are the current guidelines/steps.

http://www.goarmy.com/learn.html

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you got some good solid tough love advice here - i'd go with it. Your son sounds like my nephew - he's 28 now and to get him out of the house (at 24) his parents bought him a house. Oh, and his 1st, 2nd, and 3rd car, as well (because he crashed the others). He too had been diagnosed, as yours has. From there the excuses flowed. Whenever I feel like i'm being manipulated by my son, or if I feel like i'm walking on egg shells around him, I think of my nephew and i am motivated to get my tough love on! Good luck op! you can do it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine are grown and just fine, thank you. I am a former Marine and several of my children are currently serving. You put these chronic f*ckups in the service and lo and behold nothing changes. They just give the people who want to be there headaches.

Some kids are just rotten. Dump his lazy abusive ass out as soon as he turns 18, change the locks and prosecute if necessary. He won't learn until life beats him up sufficiently, and shielding him from it won't help. Btdt. Got the tshirt.

Wow, this is harsh. You may be right that he just needs to be put out to sink or swim. But he is their child -- I don't think I could be quite this cold if it were my son.

NP, here. Harsh? OP said she's afraid of him and he has hit his father twice. He's lucky that they haven't called the cops and had him arrested. Imagine, living in your home and feeling terrified because you are afraid of your teenage son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine are grown and just fine, thank you. I am a former Marine and several of my children are currently serving. You put these chronic f*ckups in the service and lo and behold nothing changes. They just give the people who want to be there headaches.

Some kids are just rotten. Dump his lazy abusive ass out as soon as he turns 18, change the locks and prosecute if necessary. He won't learn until life beats him up sufficiently, and shielding him from it won't help. Btdt. Got the tshirt.

Wow, this is harsh. You may be right that he just needs to be put out to sink or swim. But he is their child -- I don't think I could be quite this cold if it were my son.

NP, here. Harsh? OP said she's afraid of him and he has hit his father twice. He's lucky that they haven't called the cops and had him arrested. Imagine, living in your home and feeling terrified because you are afraid of your teenage son.

I misread, he's only hit his father once. Only once, correct, OP? I'm really sorry that your family is going through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine are grown and just fine, thank you. I am a former Marine and several of my children are currently serving. You put these chronic f*ckups in the service and lo and behold nothing changes. They just give the people who want to be there headaches.

Some kids are just rotten. Dump his lazy abusive ass out as soon as he turns 18, change the locks and prosecute if necessary. He won't learn until life beats him up sufficiently, and shielding him from it won't help. Btdt. Got the tshirt.

Wow, this is harsh. You may be right that he just needs to be put out to sink or swim. But he is their child -- I don't think I could be quite this cold if it were my son.

NP, here. Harsh? OP said she's afraid of him and he has hit his father twice. He's lucky that they haven't called the cops and had him arrested. Imagine, living in your home and feeling terrified because you are afraid of your teenage son.

I misread, he's only hit his father once. Only once, correct, OP? I'm really sorry that your family is going through this.

Once is enough. And if he's been diagnosed, the military isn't an option. Even the army isn't stupid or desperate enough to take a kid with a psych/personality disorder---think years of disability payments. No one else will solve your problem for you. Sorry...

[Anonymous]

This sounds a lot like my son. He has been at military school for two years and things are no better. I love all the judgements these people make. Jerks! You sound like you are doing everything you can for your son. The consensus seems to be that when a kid hits 18 either you put him out to sink or swim or this will continue for years. Now I am wondering if I will have the actual guts to do that when mine turns 18. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if there were a way to create an intensive one-on-one support experience with a tough life coach and a Big Brother type advocate (former military wouldn't hurt).

He seems adept at working around programs.

What are your goals, OP? Total turn-around? (Not likely.) Just getting through to the high school diploma? College of his choice?