Miss Jane vs. Ms. Smith vs. Jane vs. Mom - What do your kids friends call you?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's an age/generational thing? I'm 31 and still call my friends' moms mrs last name, but I think it would be weird to insist on the same from my kid's friends. We're not there yet because said kid is too young, so I can't say for sure how it'll go. But I assume I will ask parents how they prefer to be addressed, and default to having my kids call them mr and mrs last name. ms first name always sounded very southern to me.

[Anonymous]

Growing up, we always called adults Ms./Mr. firstname. I still refer to all of my parents' friends this way. I'm not from the South but I agree it is a regional thing.

I prefer firstname only but really don't care. If their parents prefer Ms or Mrs, that's fine and I have my kids refer to them in the same manner. I let others take the lead and go with it.

I don't let anyone take on the "aunt" or "uncle" title other than my brother and DH's sister (and their spouses). My SIL had my nephew call everyone "aunt" and it totally pissed me off. I felt like it completely undermined my special place in his life. I don't let my friends' kids call me 'aunt' either. That is reserved for my niece and nephew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised to call adults Mr/Mrs ___ and always assumed that was just how it is, and that children must respect their elders, etc. But once I had a child I started re-thinking all of this. My daughter is a small, immature person who needs a lot of teaching, guidance, protecting, nurturing, etc. - but she is still a person. Why should she be treated as "less" than adults? Why should she have to bow down to adults? I agree that children should respect adults - but shouldn't adults respect children too? Isn't it just a matter of respecting other human beings?

Children are entitled to a certain amount of respect because they are human beings. But they are human beings who, in the normal course of social/emotional development, have bad judgment and bad impulse control. As a result, they are reasonably called upon to heed responsible adults in matters of safety and consideration for others.

I am not advocating unquestioning obedience, because that's the doorway to abuse, but kids should learn that when adults tell them to do something for their own safety, the safety of others, not irritating the crap out of those around them, or hurting other people's feelings, they need to listen up. Can other children also offer good advice on those issues? Sure. But if an adult is saying something is not OK and a kid is saying it is, I expect children to listen to the adult.

[Anonymous]

I am not pleased when a child calls me, "Firstname." Not pleased at all. And if their parent does not correct them, even less pleased.

My DD (4) addresses adults by, "Mr. or Ms. Firstname." As she gets older, we'll probably segue gradually to "Mr. or Mrs. Lastname."

I grew up here in NoVA. . . .

[Anonymous]

If you have a preference, explain it to the parent or don't bitch behind her back that her kids are disrespectful.

I am fine with being called "First Name," hate the Miss First Name thing, and don't like the Miss Last name thing either. Most kids call me "DC's Mom," which I am also fine with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I prefer being called by my first name. However, my children can call the adults they meet what the adult prefers. If I am not sure I ask, "What may DC call you?"

This is me, exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not pleased when a child calls me, "Firstname." Not pleased at all. And if their parent does not correct them, even less pleased.

Fine, then politely tell the child or parent your preference. People from other parts of the country and world do not necessarily adhere to your own tradition, so please don't expect them to read your mind. I am a Jewish, liberal, east coaster (not that all who fit that description share every one of my preferences!) and it would never occur to me to have my children call you Mrs/Ms. Whatever, but I will absolutely have them do so if I/they know your preference. Speak up rather than looking for reasons to be insulted.

[Anonymous]

I am from the South, US, and I prefer being addressed with "Miss" before my 1st name. By everyone!

JUST KIDDING!!!


I do prefer children, teens, etc to call me Miss then 1st name. If they don't, I gently correct them with "Miss 1st name", with a smile and continue on with the conversation.

Example:

Young person: "Dora, can I have some milk?"
Me: "Miss Dora, dear, and you most certainly can."

I've never found anyone to be offended by this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I prefer firstname only. But its not a big deal if that's not what other people's kids use.

Our kids use whatever the adult prefers. For some they use last names, for others they use first names, etc.

I disagree that using Mr./Mrs./Miss Lastname teaches respect. Most kids don't make that connection and its very possible to be disrespectful while using last names (and its possible to be respectful while using first names).

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not pleased when a child calls me, "Firstname." Not pleased at all. And if their parent does not correct them, even less pleased.

Fine, then politely tell the child or parent your preference. People from other parts of the country and world do not necessarily adhere to your own tradition, so please don't expect them to read your mind. I am a Jewish, liberal, east coaster (not that all who fit that description share every one of my preferences!) and it would never occur to me to have my children call you Mrs/Ms. Whatever, but I will absolutely have them do so if I/they know your preference. Speak up rather than looking for reasons to be insulted.

That may be all well and good, but I personally have enough to do with teaching my own children how I'd like them to speak, thanks! I don't have time or desire to teach others' on top of that! If you don't feel comfortable now, knowing that other adults may or may not like how your children do or do not address them, then decide to either teach them differently yourself -- or shrug it off and say, "Eh, it doesn't matter to me. Everyone else can go fly a kite. " ~ NoVA native but taught by parents from NY and NJ, so this isn't a "southern thing"

[Anonymous]

I really don't care how children address me, but my son is in a Quaker school where all people are addressed by their first names (its a Quaker thing, not a this particular school thing). He is still young, so it is a bit confusing to tell him at school people are first name only, but outside school adults may want to be called other things. Generally I try to listen to how adults introduce themselves to my son - "Hi, I'm Miss Susan" and then instruct him to use that.

[Anonymous]

Another mom who's happy to be called by my first name only -- it's absolutely a regional thing, and those of us from outside the South (or other particular cultures, such as the AA traditions mentioned above). My DC's friends still use "DC's Mom," and I'm happy to respect others' preferences when they're made explicit, but the title just feels false and silly to me. Maybe it's the association with Miss Daisy, but Miss Firstname does feel a little plantation-y to me.

I know many cultures use "uncle" and "auntie" as general honorifics, but even in my own family of origin, we always called aunts by their first names, e.g. Jane, not Aunt Jane.

That said, I do still struggle with calling my childhood friends' parents by their first names, and I'll often resort to Mrs. X...but it's also a tongue-in-cheek nod to how things have changed.