would you let your teenager's lover sleep over?

[Anonymous]

N.F.W.

and I mean that quite literally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not in my house! I am in the public health field and I have talked to my kids openly about sex, took my DD’s to get birth control when they hit 17 and all of that. That being said, I think it is important that parents establish and maintain boundaries. We have two younger kids and I believe that we need to maintain a consistent environment for them. My two oldest are in college and I know that they are probably doing their thing at school. I cannot control that. If they want to have sex, stay at school. But when they come home, they are subject to the household rules and standards. There are 4 other people in the house and the teens’ need to have sex does not trump.

So you expected them to have sex AT their high school??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "your teenager's lover"...

+1

[Anonymous]

Who actually uses the word, lover? It sounds so affected.

[Anonymous]

I have one in college now, and I wouldn't be comfortable letting them stay in a room together in my house. At the same time, I don't feel as if I can control his behavior outside of our house, and if he's having sex then so be it. I've talked to him about responsibility and the importance of emotional intimacy in relationships. Beyond this, he's becoming (not quite yet) an adult. I don't ask about his sex life, and he doesn't tell me. It's a little awkward, but it works somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not in my house! I am in the public health field and I have talked to my kids openly about sex, took my DD’s to get birth control when they hit 17 and all of that. That being said, I think it is important that parents establish and maintain boundaries. We have two younger kids and I believe that we need to maintain a consistent environment for them. My two oldest are in college and I know that they are probably doing their thing at school. I cannot control that. If they want to have sex, stay at school. But when they come home, they are subject to the household rules and standards. There are 4 other people in the house and the teens’ need to have sex does not trump.

So you expected them to have sex AT their high school??

SIGH!!! Please read more carefully. I said my two oldest are at college and I know they are having sex there. So if they want to have sex, they should stay at school...meaning stay on their college campus and do it!!! Never said a word about high school.

[Anonymous]

My father used to say, "No shacking up until you can provide your own shack."

I'm with the PP who spoke about boundaries. Part of being mature enough to have sex is having the ability to say "No." Also being choosy about time, partner and place. And of course contraception etc.

I provided all the info but made it clear that it wasn't supposed to happen under my roof until . . . sometime later. I imagine one or both may have still done it a time or two, but I think that's still different from having parents condone it.

I've also seen situations in which it looked to me like parents' allowing sleepover boyfriends was putting pressure on girls to do something they really weren't ready for. Better to model saying"No."

[Anonymous]

Good point about the pressure on girls.

[Anonymous]

Probably not. If he is an older teen has a steady girlfriend and they want to have sex, that's fine, but they can do it sometime that DH and I are not in the house. I don't really want someone who not in my family at my house all the time, I would be uncertain whether her parents were appraised and on board, and he can hold off until he's off on his own in college to have a lady friend sleep over.