would you let your teenager's lover sleep over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So all of you who refuse to let your teenagers have their boyfriend/girlfriend sleep over are mandating no sex before marriage? Or at least, no sex until they're out of your house?

No, my preference is that my kid wait until he's an adult (18) to become sexually active. I'm not so naive that I think I can guarantee that, but I know in my situation knowing my family's values played a role in my decision to wait.

I'd probably let my college student have his boyfriend/girlfriend sleep over (he's too young to know which) if they were in a committed relationship. Same thing if I had an adult child living in my home.

[Anonymous]

Not a chance. I equate this with white trash or just poor parenting. Until you are engaged there will be no sharing a room under my roof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if you don't let them sleep at your house, is your expectation that they are not having sex?

You could apply this silly logic to any behavior. It's hard to set limits and parent responsibly. Just so much easier to say, "Oh well, they're going to do it anyway." I agree with the poster who said parents should get a backbone.

[Anonymous]

No. No. Hell no!

[Anonymous]

"I know teenagers have sex, and will no matter what. But this raises that furtive, youthful behavior to the level of "Hey we're all adults here."

But... we're not. He's your kid. Yes, talk about sex and prepare them, but don't act like it's no big deal. "

that's the best articulated response i've seen to this. entirely logical. you clearly aren't an adult if you still need to ask the homeowners (parents) for permission for a "sleep over" for any person. and how often? it would be bizarre to me to have an extra person in my home/family all weekend long/every weekend, there are possibly younger siblings in the home and it could change family dynamics in some ways that may not always be positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if you don't let them sleep at your house, is your expectation that they are not having sex?

You could apply this silly logic to any behavior. It's hard to set limits and parent responsibly. Just so much easier to say, "Oh well, they're going to do it anyway." I agree with the poster who said parents should get a backbone.

I'm asking again, is your expectation then that your children not have sex? Or they can have sex, so long as it's not under your roof?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if you don't let them sleep at your house, is your expectation that they are not having sex?

You could apply this silly logic to any behavior. It's hard to set limits and parent responsibly. Just so much easier to say, "Oh well, they're going to do it anyway." I agree with the poster who said parents should get a backbone.

I'm asking again, is your expectation then that your children not have sex? Or they can have sex, so long as it's not under your roof?

My husband's and my expectation for our kids when they were teens was for them to not have sex--anywhere.

[Anonymous]

I'm asking again, is your expectation then that your children not have sex? Or they can have sex, so long as it's not under your roof?

Call me old-fashioned, but yes, it's my expectation that my CHILDREN not be having sex. Sex is an adult activity. My teenager will not be taking a lover with my permission, either in my home or elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

this makes me want to figure out a way to bribe my (future) teenagers into keeping it in their pants until they graduate high school. does being 17 really mean you are the world's oldest virgin nowadays? i don't even have religious or moralistic issues around sex.

[Anonymous]

OF COURSE NOT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a chance. I equate this with white trash or just poor parenting. Until you are engaged there will be no sharing a room under my roof.

I don't have a dog in this fight (my kids aren't even in elementary school yet and my parents did not let this happen before I was in a committed relationship post-college), but your smugness and judgment is really off-putting. I bet karma is going to be a bitch to you...

[Anonymous]

No way. Parents have a right to set limits. A parent should act as a role model not a "friend".

[Anonymous]

Not in my house! I am in the public health field and I have talked to my kids openly about sex, took my DD’s to get birth control when they hit 17 and all of that. That being said, I think it is important that parents establish and maintain boundaries. We have two younger kids and I believe that we need to maintain a consistent environment for them. My two oldest are in college and I know that they are probably doing their thing at school. I cannot control that. If they want to have sex, stay at school. But when they come home, they are subject to the household rules and standards. There are 4 other people in the house and the teens’ need to have sex does not trump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this makes me want to figure out a way to bribe my (future) teenagers into keeping it in their pants until they graduate high school. does being 17 really mean you are the world's oldest virgin nowadays? i don't even have religious or moralistic issues around sex.

You are kidding, right? Not all 17 year olds are out having sex; in fact, I see a lot less going out in general and one-on-one dating from my DS and his friends than I did myself in the early 80's. A lot of the kids now are focused on getting good grades and getting into a good school, and are spending their free time at home with their families.

Regarding the topic of sleeping over, when I was in college, my then-fiance's parents let me sleep over at their house with their son when I came home to visit, and looking back I think it set a poor example for his 12 year old sister and even younger brother. I wish now that they hadn't allowed that.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP about the bribery. I was actually (moderately) kidding, but also curious to see if times had changed that much (as some PPs seem to express). I am 32, so 17 was a long way off, but not an ice age ago- so I was curious as to the "state of affairs" for them now. I have read though about the shifting norms of adolescent sex from "dating sex" to "friends with benefits sex"- shoot, I was guilty of it when I was 18 and 19 myself, but I was a cynical little b1tch about love in general!