Would you press charges against a 7th grader.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A pp here. That is the one thing I dislike about DCUM. OP relays that a kid broke into DS’s locked locker, unzipped his backpack and stole his iPod. And folks jump on her for allowing her son to have an iPod, implying that the theft is somehow her fault. It kills me that folks act like they are parenting on a higher plane and that the rest of us are cave people for allowing our kids to take advantage of new technology. Well, one of my kids got her jacket stolen from her locker at her private HS. Well, I guess it is my fault for allowing her to wear a jacket to school. LOL!!

I disagree that this is what is happening here. Yes, no one should have stolen anything. But the OP was mainly on here to ask whether turning a 7th grader over to the police is an appropriate response to a iTouch theft. I think the posters highlighting the fact of a 12-13 year old sporting a $300 piece of electronics is in relation to the OP's poor judgment on wanting to press charges. There is no live debate among academics that the frontal cortex of a child is different than that of an adult's - which is precisely why we don't charge children as adults, generally. So, the OP's desire to treat this as a crime before recognizing this as a learning moment is pretty troubling, especially coming from a parent. I think that is what the posters are zeroing in on, rather than "blaming the victim."

By the way, imagine if the shoes were on different feet. If it were OP's child who had misbehaved, I imagine she would be going on and on about how this was something that could have been handled within the school system, and that the other parent overreacted by involving the police.

Really, OP - breathe a little.

I think part of the learning moment should be realizing that theft is a crime and you will be arrested. Most juvenile justice systems treat juveniles very differently than adult systems treat adult criminals because they recognize kids are not mature. Juvi systems are aimed at rehabilitating the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. New information has emerged....Gawwwd, I love FB!!!

DS logged onto FB and started chatting with some friends. We already suspected a certain boy and it was confirmed by a FB friend. This kid was spotted with 3 ipods on the bus yesterday because it was apparently "bring your ipod to art" day. Seriously, why would a school promote bringing an ipod to school?...that is a recipe for theft.

I would seriously hate you as my mother. You seem like the type to attack a child over any and everything and then as your child, get teased and picked on at school for having the crazy mother.

Thanx for your vote of confidence here. Actually, my son loves the fact that we were "sleuthing" together to figure this out. And I think we did quite well together on FB.

Is your son 13? I sure hope so, since he shouldn't have an account if he's younger.

99% of MSers are on FB once they hit 6th grade. Are you going to turn them all in?

What an ignorant statement. Of course they aren't. Just because your child is on FB, and his/her friends are, doesn't mean that 99% of all children are.

[Anonymous]

To bring this conversation back around, a girl in my 8th grade class stole my (expensive) baptismal cross from my locker at my Catholic school. Nearly 25 years later, I'm still bitter about it. Especially since we couldn't prove it and turn her in. Kids do bring expensive things to school for various reasons and it's really unfair to jump on parents for allowing their kids to bring their belongings to school.

Ultimately, some pint sized thug STILL stole the item. And why is the victim at fault?

OP, I'm glad you and your son figured it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A pp here. That is the one thing I dislike about DCUM. OP relays that a kid broke into DS’s locked locker, unzipped his backpack and stole his iPod. And folks jump on her for allowing her son to have an iPod, implying that the theft is somehow her fault. It kills me that folks act like they are parenting on a higher plane and that the rest of us are cave people for allowing our kids to take advantage of new technology. Well, one of my kids got her jacket stolen from her locker at her private HS. Well, I guess it is my fault for allowing her to wear a jacket to school. LOL!!

Yup. This came up on one of the Hill mailing lists last year. A middle-schooler was jumped by two kids, who broke his tooth and stole his cell phone. The incident was met with mostly revulsion--except one or two folks who chimed in with "well, I guess that'll teach him not to walk around with a cell phone."

Charming.

[Anonymous]

Why does a 12 13 or 14 year old own a $300 iTouch?

So that he/she can become the next "entitled" generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A pp here. That is the one thing I dislike about DCUM. OP relays that a kid broke into DS’s locked locker, unzipped his backpack and stole his iPod. And folks jump on her for allowing her son to have an iPod, implying that the theft is somehow her fault. It kills me that folks act like they are parenting on a higher plane and that the rest of us are cave people for allowing our kids to take advantage of new technology. Well, one of my kids got her jacket stolen from her locker at her private HS. Well, I guess it is my fault for allowing her to wear a jacket to school. LOL!!

No, OP was on here reporting that her son told her he "had a strange conversation with another student who was hanging around his locker...this kid was asking DS about his itouch and wanting to see it." Not that another kid broke into his locker, unzipped his backpack, and stole his IPOD. This is all whisper-down-the-lane. Which is what I DISLIKE about DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Why does a 12 13 or 14 year old own a $300 iTouch?

So that he/she can become the next "entitled" generation.

My son does own one, but he wouldn't bring it to school. We may have some means, and an addiction to electronics, but we keep a low profile when out and about.

[Anonymous]

9:11 My child is in HS and I am well aware that many parents allow their middle schoolers on Facebook. It doesn't make it right. And that was an aside. My main point was that OP doesn't seem upset about this child-thief. I feel sorrier for this at-risk boy than I do for OP's son and hope that OP and the parents of the other "victims" look at the big picture and consider something short of pressing charges. I have to wonder what kind of home life this boy has.

[Anonymous]

I would hope the school would take more of a restorative justice approach. Pressing charges and involving a young teen in the criminal system is really the best way to increase his criminal behavior. You may not care at all the teen who stole - your focus is on the loss of an ipod. However it is actual in your and your sons best interest to not involved the criminal system and try and deal with the system in a way that helps the youth because if the only goal is punitive he will be at risk to do something worse later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9:11 My child is in HS and I am well aware that many parents allow their middle schoolers on Facebook. It doesn't make it right. And that was an aside. My main point was that OP doesn't seem upset about this child-thief. I feel sorrier for this at-risk boy than I do for OP's son and hope that OP and the parents of the other "victims" look at the big picture and consider something short of pressing charges. I have to wonder what kind of home life this boy has.

OP here. I completely understand what you are saying. And I have thought about all of this. It brings up a very good philosophical question.....is it better to give a little slap on the wrist or is it better to imprint the seriousness of this type of crime? I certainly don't want to see this kid thrown away into jail. I don't want him taken from his parents. What I want is for him to stunned a bit.....I would like to see his punishment leave a bit of a sting so that he would think twice before stealing again. I certainly have compassion for this kid...I've told DS NOT to be mean to him and to consider what it would take for one of his classmates to feel as though he NEEDED to steel in he first place. My DS has learned a bit of compassion for him as well throughout this experience. He struggles though, because he is only 12, and when a 12 YO is wronged, it's hard for them to see the compassionate/forgiving side. He wants to "hate" this kid for his crime against him. I don't blame my son for feeling this way. He was targeted by this kid and wronged.

UPDATE....since our FB sleuthing, the word was out that we knew who had it and that we had gone to the principal already. Yesterday morning, first thing, it was anonymously returned to the principals office. The kid who brought it back claimed that it was "found". However, the Otterbox case was missing, stickers removed, and it was disabled due to too many attempts to break the passcode. The principal does not believe that it was accidentally lost or randomly found: there is obviously more to the story here. Who finds an itouch, steals the case, then returns it disabled? And even so, DS has had others come to him saying that they SAW this other kid with his itouch when the cover was still on it. BUT, since it was returned, the principal is not willing to do any more investigating, which I think is really sad. I do think that they should get the witnesses necessary in order to at least talk to him and impress upon him that it is unacceptable that he continue with this behavior. The lesson here has been totally lost now. I can only hope that the mere thought of being caught in this crime has set him straight. One can only hope.

[Anonymous]

OP, if it's proven that this boy stole multiple electronic devices, as per your suspicions, I hope you do press charges against him. At his age, there's potential for his rehabilitation, IF seriously proactive measures are taken. Pressing charges is the first step to that process.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the thoughtful response, OP. I strongly disagree with the PP who advises pressing charges. The legal system is all about punishment and not about rehabilitation. I hope the student realizes he came close to getting into major trouble. I surprised in this age of "zero tolerance" that the principal isn't willing to do more, but I also bet it's a function of the burden of having to deal with so many expensive gadgets in school these days. If they aren't stolen, they're lost. It's part of the deal, I know, but it must be a headache for school administrators. It was when I chaperoned an overnight trip and all these parents were afraid that their children were going to lose their expensive IPads, etc.!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? You are asking whether a reasonable adult would, as a first or second step, contact the police and press charges against a 7th grader who may have stolen an iTouch? No. Seventh grade - 12 or 13 years old - is young. Let this be a teaching moment for the kids.

Get a grip.

If he gets away with this it will not be a teaching moment. I know someone whose son stole from his grandparents, uncle, grandmother and they did nothing. He kept doing things and had 23 misdemeanors and the judge always slapped his wrist and put him on probation. One of these was when he tore a door off its hinges and threw it at his mother. In early Nov., he beat his mother in the head with a cell phone, she was in hospital, 23 stitches. He told police he wanted to kill someone but didn't have the nerve to kill himself so he was trying to kill his mother. The Commonwealth attorney has decided to give this to a grand jury and try him as an adult. If convicted, he could get 10-20 yrs. in state pen. He wll be 17 in Dec. Maybe if someone had done something other than say, "this is a teachable moment," he wouldn't be in jail and the probability of spending the next ten yrs. in a state pen.

Yes, report it. The kid needs help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I feel sorry for this child. Do you know anything about his home life? He's in big trouble. I do not understand why you are gloating over your crimesolving over a silly expensive gadget when there's a young teen who's clearly at risk. Also, you are in violation of Facebook's TOS if your son is not in high school. http://gcn.com/articles/2011/11/21/cybereye-facebook-terms-of-service-federal-law.aspx

What? "at risk".

Seriously? This kid stole several expensive ipods. I bet you are one who want to release the sex offenders because "they really had a rough home life".

Try working in a juvenile facility, These kids are laughing at people like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9:11 My child is in HS and I am well aware that many parents allow their middle schoolers on Facebook. It doesn't make it right. And that was an aside. My main point was that OP doesn't seem upset about this child-thief. I feel sorrier for this at-risk boy than I do for OP's son and hope that OP and the parents of the other "victims" look at the big picture and consider something short of pressing charges. I have to wonder what kind of home life this boy has.

Why do you keep calling this boy "at risk"? For all you know he's the member of a gang.

Also, nice quotes around victims. They had something stolen, but because you feel bad for the boy they are not real victims?
I guess when he rapes a girl (because, he's learned he can take anything he wants and it's ok)... She will be a "victim" too? Because, oh, so sad, he didn't get a white, upper class life.