Skeletons in the Closet?

[Anonymous]

I guess people just have different concepts of love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a long affair with a married man that ended years before I met my husband. I've never told him and am positive he wouldn't want to hear about it. If he ever asked me, I'd tell him the truth.

To the DH -- I'd actually be kind of impressed if my husband told me he hooked up with guys before. It would mean he's more open minded than I thought. Although I should say that in college I had a boyfriend who eventually confessed to me that he had gay relationships in the past and it eventually ended our relationship. But that was because I was completely convinced that he was a supressed homosexual -- later found gay porn in his truck and he was this big gay basher and an alcoholic, which I thought all were signs of his struggle to accept himself. I wouldn't think that was the case in every situation and that men and women can just experiment. That ex-boyfriend and I still have mutual friends and he HATES me now because I'm the only one who knows his secret.

Yea right. If your DH said to you that before you met he had done anal with another guy you would think what a great thing, he is so open minded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is so bizarre to me. When I love someone I want to know everything. I feel no jealousy or resentment about the past- only curiosity because it helps me understand who a person is in the present. I even want the details when I can get them.

Who they were is what made them who they are so why wouldn't you want to know.

10:11 here. Why would I want to know? My wife has said that I am the best she ever had in bed. By what measure? I really don't want to know. My wife was quite easy the first time; so I really don't want to know. I know that she viewed sex a lot differently then than now, and now is what counts. I don't know if I was #8 or #20, but what she needs to know is that I will never be #10 or #22. She has made that part clear to me as well. I appreciate her for who she is. She apparently had been treated badly by previous men and I had been royally screwed over by my first wife. That has only served to make me appreciate her more for treating me nicely and her more for my treating her with respect and dignity. That is all either of us need to know. She asked me and I told her honestly. I have not asked her and don't see how it would be helpful to our lives together.

Put it this way. Never ask a question you do not want hear the answer to or that you would feel uncomfortable answering if someone else asked it. I slept with my wife on the first date and had never done anything like that with another woman. And I really do not want to know if she did the same thing with five or fifteen other guys. She really has no idea about my past except that I had three relatively serious girlfriends before I met her and a couple of other people that meant something to me. In fact, I am positive she has been with way more partners but I really don't care. I only care about the quality of our lives together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a long affair with a married man that ended years before I met my husband. I've never told him and am positive he wouldn't want to hear about it. If he ever asked me, I'd tell him the truth.

To the DH -- I'd actually be kind of impressed if my husband told me he hooked up with guys before. It would mean he's more open minded than I thought. Although I should say that in college I had a boyfriend who eventually confessed to me that he had gay relationships in the past and it eventually ended our relationship. But that was because I was completely convinced that he was a supressed homosexual -- later found gay porn in his truck and he was this big gay basher and an alcoholic, which I thought all were signs of his struggle to accept himself. I wouldn't think that was the case in every situation and that men and women can just experiment. That ex-boyfriend and I still have mutual friends and he HATES me now because I'm the only one who knows his secret.

Yea right. If your DH said to you that before you met he had done anal with another guy you would think what a great thing, he is so open minded.

I'm a different pp but it honestly wouldn't bother me if he told me the truth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is so bizarre to me. When I love someone I want to know everything. I feel no jealousy or resentment about the past- only curiosity because it helps me understand who a person is in the present. I even want the details when I can get them.

Who they were is what made them who they are so why wouldn't you want to know.

10:11 here. Why would I want to know? My wife has said that I am the best she ever had in bed. By what measure? I really don't want to know. My wife was quite easy the first time; so I really don't want to know. I know that she viewed sex a lot differently then than now, and now is what counts. I don't know if I was #8 or #20, but what she needs to know is that I will never be #10 or #22. She has made that part clear to me as well. I appreciate her for who she is. She apparently had been treated badly by previous men and I had been royally screwed over by my first wife. That has only served to make me appreciate her more for treating me nicely and her more for my treating her with respect and dignity. That is all either of us need to know. She asked me and I told her honestly. I have not asked her and don't see how it would be helpful to our lives together.

Put it this way. Never ask a question you do not want hear the answer to or that you would feel uncomfortable answering if someone else asked it. I slept with my wife on the first date and had never done anything like that with another woman. And I really do not want to know if she did the same thing with five or fifteen other guys. She really has no idea about my past except that I had three relatively serious girlfriends before I met her and a couple of other people that meant something to me. In fact, I am positive she has been with way more partners but I really don't care. I only care about the quality of our lives together.

It seems like everyone prefers to live a lie. There is no question I would not want an answer to about someone I love.