Why do women who choose not to get an epidural feel they should be congratulated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They don't. Sounding pretty defensive, OP.

ITA.

OP, are you referring to a conversation you had with someone where they shared their birth story and how they had no epi? So what? Have you never shared your story of being in the trenches of birth? We women often share the agonies and ecstasies of the major life experience. And having no epi simply is something to share - it conveys the level of pain mom experienced. It's part of the war story of birth.

I had two epis and wouldn't change a thing. Except the forceps. Don't let anybody talk you into forceps!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don't. Sounding pretty defensive, OP.

ITA.

OP, are you referring to a conversation you had with someone where they shared their birth story and how they had no epi? So what? Have you never shared your story of being in the trenches of birth? We women often share the agonies and ecstasies of the major life experience. And having no epi simply is something to share - it conveys the level of pain mom experienced. It's part of the war story of birth.

I had two epis and wouldn't change a thing. Except the forceps. Don't let anybody talk you into forceps!

My daughter was suctioned out.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're nuts. I did 29 hours of labor (17 of it hard) with no epidural. I didn't do it for bragging rights, I did it because I am terrified of needles in my spine! That, and the thought of being catheterized, kept me from asking for one even when I was screaming in pain. It was a bonus that my DD's was very alert and had a good heartrate throughout (though I have heard this happen with friends who had epis, so it's clearly not isolated to no-epi births).

I don't know anyone who did it without an epi who brags about it. We all have our reasons for doing what we do -- the best anyone can ask for is that we each respect each others' choices and the circumstances that prompted them.

[Anonymous]

My home births were the most pleasurable, sensuous, joyful days of my life. Congratulations for forgoing pain relief? Never crossed my mind! The beautiful births, the high that lasted for days afterwards, the intimacy with my husband...of all the blissful compensations for those precious days, what other people think or say is not on my radar screen!

I just wish more women could know how great birth can be, but being joyful about birth instantly evokes defensiveness and hostility, so I just say "I love having babies" and stay quiet through the derision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I don't get why it is considered a positive to refuse help for pain management. Not trying to judge this choice, again I just don't understand the passion around it.

Me either. Then again, I honestly don't get why women write up a birth plan (?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My home births were the most pleasurable, sensuous, joyful days of my life. Congratulations for forgoing pain relief? Never crossed my mind! The beautiful births, the high that lasted for days afterwards, the intimacy with my husband...of all the blissful compensations for those precious days, what other people think or say is not on my radar screen!

I just wish more women could know how great birth can be, but being joyful about birth instantly evokes defensiveness and hostility, so I just say "I love having babies" and stay quiet through the derision.

it's really sad that those of us who did forgo pain medication feel that we can't talk about our births without others feeling bad. it makes the horror stories the standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My home births were the most pleasurable, sensuous, joyful days of my life. Congratulations for forgoing pain relief? Never crossed my mind! The beautiful births, the high that lasted for days afterwards, the intimacy with my husband...of all the blissful compensations for those precious days, what other people think or say is not on my radar screen!

I just wish more women could know how great birth can be, but being joyful about birth instantly evokes defensiveness and hostility, so I just say "I love having babies" and stay quiet through the derision.

Birth sucks when you work all day and go into labor late at night. When my first was born, I'd been awake almost 48 hours. Nothing pleasurable, sensuous or joyful about being flat out exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:epidurals make the baby sluggish. And they put the needle in your spine. That has to be exactly right. Many find that frightening. It slows contractions. Not always a good thing.

I think some want to be congratulated because they had a baby. you think it is because they did not have an epidural. Like when someone says they breastfed for x months, you might also interpret that as them expecting to be congratulated, but that is hardly the intent

I was too stressed to relax and let the baby come until I had my epi. Different reactions for different people. Also, breaking my water did not initiate labor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an epi late on in labor, but I would be happy to congratulate anyone who didn't. It doesn't make you some sort of saint of motherhood, but it does show that you are pretty tough and have a good ability to tolerate pain! That seems congratulations-worthy to me.

Pain is being awake for days, pushing for 2.5 hours straight and being so tired 4 weeks after the baby's born that you start to hallucinate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an epidural with my first, and when I have my second, I fully intend to try to go without it.. I won't be here (or anywhere else) asking for congratulations.. I will be doing it to prevent the complications I had during my last experience in hopes that they won't cause another emergency C-section..

exactly! this is first on my mind when i hear women say "i loved my epidural" after describing some horrible birth experiences. they don't draw that connection.

My epidural didn't cause any horrible birth experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don't. Sounding pretty defensive, OP.

ITA.

OP, are you referring to a conversation you had with someone where they shared their birth story and how they had no epi? So what? Have you never shared your story of being in the trenches of birth? We women often share the agonies and ecstasies of the major life experience. And having no epi simply is something to share - it conveys the level of pain mom experienced. It's part of the war story of birth.

I had two epis and wouldn't change a thing. Except the forceps. Don't let anybody talk you into forceps!

OP here - Look, I did not mean for this to turn into an anti-woman's choice argument surrounding an epidural. I am sorry if I offended anyone with this post. The reason I wrote it is because I was with a bunch of women one night and one of them proudly exclaimed that they suffered through 17 hours of labor with no epidural. Then another woman said "You are a hero!" The rest of the women all nodded in enthusiastic agreement, and proceeded to bash the use of an epidural. This got me thinking, and on a whim I posted the comment.

Please do not take offense, I just wanted to understand this, and many of the comments have been very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an epidural with my first, and when I have my second, I fully intend to try to go without it.. I won't be here (or anywhere else) asking for congratulations.. I will be doing it to prevent the complications I had during my last experience in hopes that they won't cause another emergency C-section..

exactly! this is first on my mind when i hear women say "i loved my epidural" after describing some horrible birth experiences. they don't draw that connection.

My epidural didn't cause any horrible birth experiences.

read carefully... i didn't say all women who had epidurals had horrible birth experiences. i said the horrible birth experiences may have been caused by epidurals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an epi late on in labor, but I would be happy to congratulate anyone who didn't. It doesn't make you some sort of saint of motherhood, but it does show that you are pretty tough and have a good ability to tolerate pain! That seems congratulations-worthy to me.

Pain is being awake for days, pushing for 2.5 hours straight and being so tired 4 weeks after the baby's born that you start to hallucinate.

No... pain was having thrush for the entire first post-partum month and feeling like needles jabbed through my breasts with each letdown. WAY worse than non-epidural labor. In fact, at one point at the end of that month, I would've gladly gone through labor again to make the thrush go away.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the OP...there is this braggy thing when it comes to natural or unmedicated childbirth. I read someone bragging about it in my alumni magazine. TMI loser! Same thing with breastfeeding. I don't care if your infant drank yoo-hoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone told me they refused pain medication when they had multiple teeth extracted I would not congratulate them for being "tough"- I would think they were an idiot.

If someone told me they refused pain medication for tooth extraction because they were planning to have multiple pregnancies and wanted to avoid the possible complications of multiple c-sections, I'd think they were crazy. Now, if they refused an epi for the same reason, I'd think it was one of the possible good choices.

Fortunately, if you get an epidural after you're dilated 4 cm, you're not at higher risk of c-section than someone who didn't get an epidural at all.