Is this taking "logical consequences" too far? (long)

[Anonymous]

14:41 You stepped back at Grade 9?
OP's child is younger, too young in my humble opinion for laissez-faire parenting.

[Anonymous]

In 3rd grade you fight. Do it before anything else---BUT---that means you have to be willing to have him miss dinner, miss sports, miss whatever else is scheduled, right then. You can't bump the homework to after sports or karate or whatever. It needs to be done before anything else. Didn't you get told you could go play after your homework was done?

and 15:06---Grade 6. The beginning of middle school. It worked wonders and got the point across before make or break grades.

[Anonymous]

Didn't you get told you could go play after your homework was done?

Nope. I just learned that if I didn't do it, things were bad at school -- I couldn't keep up with the next day's lesson if I hadn't done the previous day's homework. I did poorly on tests if I didn't do the assigned work.

If the consequence of not doing your homework has nothing to do with school, it's not a logical or natural consequence.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks to everyone for their thoughtful replies. To answer some PPs questions: no, there is no learning issue. He is in the most advanced math class at school, reading two grade levels ahead, and has all "Os" on his report card (we're in MCPS, where Os are the highest possible "grade"). Once he actually does the homework, it takes him only a brief period of time to do it, but he resists sitting down and getting started doing it because he'd rather have the immediate gratification of other things. The rule is already that it must be done before other things, and yes, many times he has missed pleasurable things as a result--which frustrated him but doesn't change his behavior the next time, sigh.

[Anonymous]

OP,
This is interesting to learn, why this rule if he's such a good student? Isn't he old enough to start taking longer breaks and learning how to manage his time and if he's in the mood he can do one thing right after school and get to his homework later? Is there any spontaneity in his existence? I think you are creating the problem with this rule! I'm the PP who worked hard with my son for years, and he had some say (not all of course) on when he did things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,
This is interesting to learn, why this rule if he's such a good student? Isn't he old enough to start taking longer breaks and learning how to manage his time and if he's in the mood he can do one thing right after school and get to his homework later? Is there any spontaneity in his existence? I think you are creating the problem with this rule! I'm the PP who worked hard with my son for years, and he had some say (not all of course) on when he did things.

OP again--always have to love DCUM when people who have literally no idea blame you for "creating the problem." To the PP: your question about spontaneity is actually hilarious--um, gee, no, no spontaneity at all; his "existence" is a grim series of rote movements. (Good grief.) And as for your main point, the reason why we have that rule is that OBVIOUSLY we already tried the "he can choose when to do it" or "get to his homework later" and it was not effective. (And as for him being a good student, being a good student doesn't make one immune from difficulties with sitting down to do homework.) Thanks again to all the PPs with constructive suggestions. I'm especially going to read the Homework Made Simple book.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm the PP who suggested Homework Made Simple. I also have a 3rd grader who does really well in school (on tests anyhow) but has a horrible time with HW and also with accuracy and turning in classwork.

He gets mediocre grades in school because HW counts and failure to turn it in gets it marked down a grade, messiness loses points etc.

Are you saying that your child gets straight Os despite not doing HW? Or is he getting fine grades at school only because you are constantly on top of him to get his HW done?

What would happen to his grades if you let him decide when and how to do homework?

[Anonymous]

20:15 here. OP I stand by my point, even if it hasn't worked in the past, your child should start learning how to manage his time. 21:35 is asking the same thing. No need to jump down an earnest poster's throat. Geez.

[Anonymous]

OP,
Is it possible that the homework isn't any use to him, and he knows it? If he's doing so well, perhaps you could ask his teachers to assign more advanced (& therefore more interesting) work. He should be encouraged to think of these more interesting assignments as a privilege, which he could lose if he doesn't complete them... then he'd be stuck back doing the ol' boring homework.

I've been through this battle several times. At first the kids balked - why "special," harder homework? - but it's good to be challenged, which they've (mostly) come to appreciate. Of course be careful to make sure the advanced assignments are *replacements*, not additions, or you'll have the original problem, only worse.