Is this taking "logical consequences" too far? (long)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like to compare it to sports. Even kids who are naturally gifted in a sport still practice to be better. They may not always feel like it, but they know in order to be the best athlete they can be, they have to put in the work. Now, obviously, most kids find practicing their favorite sport more fun than doing homework, but the principle behind both is the same, and helps them understand that teachers (well, the good ones) don't assign hw as just busy work. It is something necessary to help them do better in their classes.

NP here. I like this. Thank you. Will be using it with my child.

[Anonymous]

My brother was like this. I remember raging battles with her screaming at him to do his homework. He never did. By HS he was getting marked down in grades bc of it.

He's a well paid lawyer now.

I really don't mean to be snarky, but I guess my point is - sometimes it just doesn't matter what you do.

(By the way, I have a DC where there are HW battles. We're in FCPS. This year the teacher has been excellent about posting assignments on Blackboard. I usually check before I leave work and then insist he show me that he's done whatever the assignment is before any electronics are turned on. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't....but that's about the extent of my monitoring HW. We use his overall grades at the end of the grading period, ie if they go down, to gage whether more drastic action is needed.)

[Anonymous]

This is one of the things that drives me crazy about the current rage for homework in the early grades. Homework has become an end in itself, and it's teaching the opposite of what I want my kids to learn, which is that you are responsible for your own education.

If the only way homework gets done is by the kid being nudged and assisted by a parent, it's not just homework for the kid any longer. It's homework for the parents.

If kids can get good grades on tests without doing the homework, the homework is busywork.

I make sure my kids don't have undue distractions at home during the week --no screen time, no playdates -- but after that, I mention that they have homework and leave it to them to do it. Or not. They can live with the consequences, or, if there are no consequences from the teachers who assigned the homework, they can learn that, too.

[Anonymous]

Getting a child to do their homework at the elementary/early middle school stage is part of being a parent. I am really put off by the responses stating that it is too much effort. I know it is aggravating, irritating, and stressul. It is the exact same way for me. But it is part of what we signed up for when we had kids. Children that age are not always able to make the best decisions for themselves. If the homework is excessive or pointless, that is something to be taken up with the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting a child to do their homework at the elementary/early middle school stage is part of being a parent. I am really put off by the responses stating that it is too much effort. I know it is aggravating, irritating, and stressul. It is the exact same way for me. But it is part of what we signed up for when we had kids. Children that age are not always able to make the best decisions for themselves. If the homework is excessive or pointless, that is something to be taken up with the school.

I would make my child do homework if I thought it was a good idea. This is not about effort (at least to me). This is about what sort of dynamic you want to set up. I do not think it is appropriate to insert myself between a competent teacher and a competent student.

I am not going to make my child do homework, although I will do what I can to make getting homework done possible. (Hence no electronic entertainment on school days.) And if my child gets a bad grade on something, I am not going to go to the teacher and demand that the grade be changed.

[Anonymous]

I would make my child do homework if I thought it was a good idea. This is not about effort (at least to me).

That's fine, then I am not referencing you. However, multiple people have complained about being "saddled" with making the child do their homework, or it seeming like "homework for parents." I don't know why you are discussing asking to get a grade changed or how that relates to the discussion.

[Anonymous]

That's fine, then I am not referencing you. However, multiple people have complained about being "saddled" with making the child do their homework, or it seeming like "homework for parents." I don't know why you are discussing asking to get a grade changed or how that relates to the discussion.

Well, I used the phrase "homework for parents," so you are referencing me, at least partly.

Here is the question: Whose job is school? What's the divide? If you think it is your job to get your child to produce a certain result, then why wouldn't you push to have a teacher change a grade? If, on the other hand, you think it is your child's job to understand cause and effect, any bad grade is just an effect, and it is due to your child's efforts, not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple of my kids have ADHD and/or learning disabilities. We have a lot of challenges related to homework. Until our kids can get a routine down, we have to provide more support than parents of typical kids. We are definitely not helicopter parents but it takes quite a while for our kids develop appropriate techniques to manage their own time and organize themselves. I learned a lot from Ann Dolin author of Homework Made Simple http://www.amazon.com/Homework-Made-Simple-Solutions-Stress-Free/dp/0971460981 . She's spoken at a number of ADHD events I attended. You might think about it.

OP, I'm not the PP but I saw her rec for the book Homework Made Simple and just got it from Amazon and read it last night/. GREAT BOOK!!! Highly recommend. I feel like I have a lot more strategies to use for next year now.

[Anonymous]

Please, please, please have your son tested for a learning disability.

Frustration is a key sign to a LD.

Third grade is the year that smart kids realize that something is not clicking, get frustrated and push back.

It's a sign of an underlying problem.

Yes - he has to do his homework.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I haven't read all the posts, but I do not think you should let him off the hook as far as homework goes. He is too young to understand the long-term implications from his instant gratification choices. I would take a different take and say, "Look, homework is an essential part of school and learning, and it is my job as your mother to find a way to make sure you do you homework." And then figure out ways to make it fun, come up with a reward system, etc., or at least make it happen with less to-do.
As for "nagging," well, if that's what it takes ...
Or if you can afford it, hire a homework coach. Shifting the authority-figure role to an outsider works in many situations.
If you cannot afford to hire someone, then figure out why he's so combative about homework.
He will mature over the summer, so things may be less stressful come the fall.
I know so many average students who wish their parents had taken a more engaged role in their academics.
Question: Any chances of any learning issues? Is homework a cognitive struggle, or just an emotional drag?
FYI: My son was difficult about homework at this age and I worked with him for several years and held the bar high and he is now a top student (in high school).

[Anonymous]

P.S. Not to toot my own horn, but those years were not easy. Several years into it, my son, then in Fifth Grade, told me he'd thank me from the podium when he got his college diploma!

[Anonymous]

P.P.S. The reward system I used for my son in Fourth Grade was a sticker for each smooth (i.e. no pushback, no arguments) homework day, and getting a book after 20 or some such good days. So, the reward was educational and he didn't get one after a few good days, it was after a serious stretch of good days!

OP,
Is your son a reader?
Is Math an issue? If so, Kumon did wonders for my son in Fourth Grade.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Another thought, maybe he's fighting the notion of not having a choice in when he does his homework? I used to let my son choose, sometimes he'd do it after dinner. You're dictating when he does his homework each and every day. He cannot possibly be in the mood to do his homework every day at the same time, can he?

Lots of nuances to explore ...

[Anonymous]

If you think it is your job to get your child to produce a certain result, then why wouldn't you push to have a teacher change a grade?

Because the result that I want is for him to put in the effort to do the work, not to get any particular grade.

[Anonymous]

Up until middle school, I fought the homework battles. Then I stepped back, while also telling the kid that I was NOT paying for summer school, they could repeat the grade. Guess what? They all passed and developed self-motivation. As adults, they are self-supporting and self-motivated.