Mom argument who was right?

[Anonymous]

If I were there I'd had taped it and posted on my FB page LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


It's a nice idea to think that you can teach your daughter how to not get sexually assaulted but this is not reality. My dear friend was walking home from the metro in Takoma Park when a man jumped out and attempted to rape her. She fought like mad, got away, was chased down, and fought like mad again. She knocked him over the head with a bottle she picked up on the street and got away again. Thank God she knew how to fight because many women who get raped never even try to fight back. They have been taught not to hit or hurt anyone under any circumstances and they just don't know how to do it.
.

So you are saying we need to teach our TWO YEAR OLD children how to fight off attackers?

No, I'm saying that the PP was wrong when she said that it isn't necessary to teach self defense.

I'm 21:23, and I NEVER said "it isn't necessary to teach self-defense." I said that assuming that self-defense is at the bottom of a long list of things a kid should be taught, and therefore might not be the first problem-solving tool you give your kid at age 2. That said, sorry as I am about your friend, her situation is really rare. The vast majority of sexual assault cases involve someone the victim knows well, and surprisingly often someone the victim is in a relationship with. ( http://www.rainn.org/get-information/statistics/sexual-assault-offenders ) So, again, the social awareness and verbal/social boundary-setting are much, much more likely to prevent sexual assault than her fighting ability. I want to point out that I don't in any way mean to indicate that those who are victimized are responsible for their attacks. They are, of course, victims of a senseless crime. That said, all parents should learn the facts about sexual assault and prepare their kids (esp. daughters) with the confidence to walk away from a person or situation that raises warning flags, as well as teaching safe attitudes about alcohol and substance abuse, and teaching kids confidence and relationship skills so that they have the savvy to recognize a potential abuser if possible, and the self-assurance to trust their gut and avoid any person or situation that may prove dangerous. After all these skills, yes, the physical ability to fight back, and the assertive attitude needed to defend oneself are certainly great skills, but I think a kid who is aggressive at a young age is much more likely to have the kind of social difficulties and resulting low-self-esteem that actually makes them more likely to get into risky relationships/situations later. So, once again, I think the kick-boxing classes can wait until elementary school.


*wanted to add that I cited an inaccurate statistic earlier--one in 6 women in the US are likely to be victims of sexual assault in their lifetime.

[Anonymous]

I think both moms are wrong. They both sat there and argued, sat in separate corners and talked about each other? Great role modeling. Way to show the kids how to get along with people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whp are these people who expect their young children to need major self-defense mechanisms? Just what crack den are you people living in. As an adult, if some person assaulted me, I would not attempt to fight them off, I would yell and I would attempt to get the hell away, and I would call the police. Physically fighting off an attack is so far down the list of skills I expect to need in life that I think it can wait until kindergarten, don't you?

And no, my kids aren't taught to be "victims." My 2-year-old DD, if confronted by another kid (even an older one) will yell, "Back Off!" My kids all know to put their hands up to keep another kid away, to yell "Back off! or "Get away!" and to call me for help if that doesn't work, since I do actually supervise them and am never more than a few yards away.

"It's okay to hit back" works if your kid lives in an alternate reality where preschool=ultimate street fighter. As for girls needing to fend off sexual assault, I agree this should be a very real issue for parents since the rate of sexual assault now includes one in 4 women, but I think you're alot better off teaching your daughter to respect herself, have sexual boundaries, to choose friends who will help her stay safe, to be safe around alcohol and other substances, etc. than to focus all your prevention on her karate classes.

It's a nice idea to think that you can teach your daughter how to not get sexually assaulted but this is not reality. My dear friend was walking home from the metro in Takoma Park when a man jumped out and attempted to rape her. She fought like mad, got away, was chased down, and fought like mad again. She knocked him over the head with a bottle she picked up on the street and got away again. Thank God she knew how to fight because many women who get raped never even try to fight back. They have been taught not to hit or hurt anyone under any circumstances and they just don't know how to do it.

Also, it's nice to think your child will never have to fight in school. Sadly, this might not be the case either. When I was a kid fights were a regular part of after school culture for both girls and boys and I went to school in a very nice MD suburb. The parents rarely found out about it. I hope this has changed but somehow I doubt it. Teaching your kids to tell an adult whenever another kid is mean will not go over well with teachers or students either.

]

A PSA: Don't try to run away, because when they catch you you have to fight tired. Take Model Mugging, which is geared towards defending women from attacks by men. It is full contact, full impact, and you practice assault/rape scenarios. Tae Kwon Do on its own sin't effective; you need to know how to fight from positions in which you would find yoruself if you were attached. Seriously, I took that class and feel a hundred times safer than I did before - I'm reasonably certain that if someone tried to assault me, I could knock him to the ground and get him unconscious quickly. Sounds crazy, but really, try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whp are these people who expect their young children to need major self-defense mechanisms? Just what crack den are you people living in. As an adult, if some person assaulted me, I would not attempt to fight them off, I would yell and I would attempt to get the hell away, and I would call the police. Physically fighting off an attack is so far down the list of skills I expect to need in life that I think it can wait until kindergarten, don't you?

And no, my kids aren't taught to be "victims." My 2-year-old DD, if confronted by another kid (even an older one) will yell, "Back Off!" My kids all know to put their hands up to keep another kid away, to yell "Back off! or "Get away!" and to call me for help if that doesn't work, since I do actually supervise them and am never more than a few yards away.

"It's okay to hit back" works if your kid lives in an alternate reality where preschool=ultimate street fighter. As for girls needing to fend off sexual assault, I agree this should be a very real issue for parents since the rate of sexual assault now includes one in 4 women, but I think you're alot better off teaching your daughter to respect herself, have sexual boundaries, to choose friends who will help her stay safe, to be safe around alcohol and other substances, etc. than to focus all your prevention on her karate classes.

It's a nice idea to think that you can teach your daughter how to not get sexually assaulted but this is not reality. My dear friend was walking home from the metro in Takoma Park when a man jumped out and attempted to rape her. She fought like mad, got away, was chased down, and fought like mad again. She knocked him over the head with a bottle she picked up on the street and got away again. Thank God she knew how to fight because many women who get raped never even try to fight back. They have been taught not to hit or hurt anyone under any circumstances and they just don't know how to do it.

Also, it's nice to think your child will never have to fight in school. Sadly, this might not be the case either. When I was a kid fights were a regular part of after school culture for both girls and boys and I went to school in a very nice MD suburb. The parents rarely found out about it. I hope this has changed but somehow I doubt it. Teaching your kids to tell an adult whenever another kid is mean will not go over well with teachers or students either.

]

A PSA: Don't try to run away, because when they catch you you have to fight tired. Take Model Mugging, which is geared towards defending women from attacks by men. It is full contact, full impact, and you practice assault/rape scenarios. Tae Kwon Do on its own sin't effective; you need to know how to fight from positions in which you would find yoruself if you were attached. Seriously, I took that class and feel a hundred times safer than I did before - I'm reasonably certain that if someone tried to assault me, I could knock him to the ground and get him unconscious quickly. Sounds crazy, but really, try it.

Er, attacked, not attached. And here's a link for the DC chapter.

http://www.dcimpact.org/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


It's a nice idea to think that you can teach your daughter how to not get sexually assaulted but this is not reality. My dear friend was walking home from the metro in Takoma Park when a man jumped out and attempted to rape her. She fought like mad, got away, was chased down, and fought like mad again. She knocked him over the head with a bottle she picked up on the street and got away again. Thank God she knew how to fight because many women who get raped never even try to fight back. They have been taught not to hit or hurt anyone under any circumstances and they just don't know how to do it.
.

So you are saying we need to teach our TWO YEAR OLD children how to fight off attackers?

No, I'm saying that the PP was wrong when she said that it isn't necessary to teach self defense.

I'm 21:23, and I NEVER said "it isn't necessary to teach self-defense." I said that assuming that self-defense is at the bottom of a long list of things a kid should be taught, and therefore might not be the first problem-solving tool you give your kid at age 2. That said, sorry as I am about your friend, her situation is really rare. The vast majority of sexual assault cases involve someone the victim knows well, and surprisingly often someone the victim is in a relationship with. ( http://www.rainn.org/get-information/statistics/sexual-assault-offenders ) So, again, the social awareness and verbal/social boundary-setting are much, much more likely to prevent sexual assault than her fighting ability. I want to point out that I don't in any way mean to indicate that those who are victimized are responsible for their attacks. They are, of course, victims of a senseless crime. That said, all parents should learn the facts about sexual assault and prepare their kids (esp. daughters) with the confidence to walk away from a person or situation that raises warning flags, as well as teaching safe attitudes about alcohol and substance abuse, and teaching kids confidence and relationship skills so that they have the savvy to recognize a potential abuser if possible, and the self-assurance to trust their gut and avoid any person or situation that may prove dangerous. After all these skills, yes, the physical ability to fight back, and the assertive attitude needed to defend oneself are certainly great skills, but I think a kid who is aggressive at a young age is much more likely to have the kind of social difficulties and resulting low-self-esteem that actually makes them more likely to get into risky relationships/situations later. So, once again, I think the kick-boxing classes can wait until elementary school.


*wanted to add that I cited an inaccurate statistic earlier--one in 6 women in the US are likely to be victims of sexual assault in their lifetime.

This is true and this makes it all the more important to teach girls to defend themselves. Women are taught to be "nice" and "polite" and when men they know try to assault them, they are very often too "nice" to fight them off. They are afraid of hurting someone, afraid of being "mean." I am the PP with the friend who fought off her attacker and I have some other friends who were raped by someone they knew and they never tried to fight. I think the mentality of victimhood starts when they are little and we say "boys will be boys" and no, of course you shouldn't hit back because then you are bad. It doesn't make sense to me to think that you can wait until a girl is much older and then start teaching her that everything you have drilled into her head about hitting was wrong. Maybe 2 years old is too young- that's possible- but I would rather start early and take my chances. I certainly don't think this message has harmed my two older kids in any way. They don't go around hitting people but I know for sure that my 13 year-old girl would seriously kick some ass if a guy tried to hurt her.

[Anonymous]

Mom B was wrong. I think it's fine to tell Child A "No Hitting" especially if Mom A is ignoring the behaviour. Also, Mom A should deal with the situation. She needs to teach her child not to hit and she needs to be hyper diligent because her child is going thru a phase. My older child was more like Child A and sometimes I had to make a global statement to another mom telling them that we were working on the behaviour and asking her to help me keep an eye out. Usually the other moms smiled and told me not to worry and I'm sure some were alittle upset (rightly so!) but overall I think they realized I was trying to deal with the situation.