Mom argument who was right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think telling you child to hit back is insane. I think not stopping your child from hitting is insane. No winners here, they're both wrong.

Just move your child away from the situation and enjoy your class.

I agree with this one. The mom of the hitting patent needs to be more consistent and firm. I also think I read that giving attention to the injured child helps end the hitting, so maybe she should try that or some other approach, like time out. Either way, both moms seem to have handled the situation poorly, although I am sure they're doing the best they can that day.

[Anonymous]

Mom B wins for being The Most Wrong.

[Anonymous]

PP, the poster is not a bully. The mom is a bully for not intervening when her child first hits - when it is not convenient for her. Bullying can be by not doing anything, too - especially when it is your kid. Nice try with the D.C. spin, though.

[Anonymous]

Mom B wins for protecting her child

[Anonymous]

Mom A knew her child was a hitter. She should have been close enough to him to physically stop him from hitting. If she doesn't want to watch him that closely, she should skip doing group classes until he passes out of the hitting phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think telling you child to hit back is insane. I think not stopping your child from hitting is insane. No winners here, they're both wrong.

Just move your child away from the situation and enjoy your class.

I agree. Both mothers sound like freakshows, especially if they're in separate corners talking trash about each other. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

I think it's more important to teach kids not to be victims from an early age than it is to teach them they can't hit under any circumstances. I have three kids, two older ones and I have taught them all that they can only hit when they are defending themselves. They have all understood this from a very early age. There were consequences whenever they instigated violence in any way and they were able to learn the difference. I don't think you can teach one message when they are small and then change it later in life. I think you teach consistent values from an early age. Violence is wrong except in self defense. My kids are not hitters, they are not violent at all but they do know that I expect them to defend themselves if someone hurts them. This message is especially important for little girls who might face sexual assault later in life. I have also put them in martial arts classes when they were ready because I wanted them to know how to fight back. Unless you have a child who has a problem with violence I really don't see why it's so terrible to start teaching this message early on. It's worked for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Whp are these people who expect their young children to need major self-defense mechanisms? Just what crack den are you people living in. As an adult, if some person assaulted me, I would not attempt to fight them off, I would yell and I would attempt to get the hell away, and I would call the police. Physically fighting off an attack is so far down the list of skills I expect to need in life that I think it can wait until kindergarten, don't you?

And no, my kids aren't taught to be "victims." My 2-year-old DD, if confronted by another kid (even an older one) will yell, "Back Off!" My kids all know to put their hands up to keep another kid away, to yell "Back off! or "Get away!" and to call me for help if that doesn't work, since I do actually supervise them and am never more than a few yards away.

"It's okay to hit back" works if your kid lives in an alternate reality where preschool=ultimate street fighter. As for girls needing to fend off sexual assault, I agree this should be a very real issue for parents since the rate of sexual assault now includes one in 4 women, but I think you're alot better off teaching your daughter to respect herself, have sexual boundaries, to choose friends who will help her stay safe, to be safe around alcohol and other substances, etc. than to focus all your prevention on her karate classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whp are these people who expect their young children to need major self-defense mechanisms? Just what crack den are you people living in. As an adult, if some person assaulted me, I would not attempt to fight them off, I would yell and I would attempt to get the hell away, and I would call the police. Physically fighting off an attack is so far down the list of skills I expect to need in life that I think it can wait until kindergarten, don't you?

And no, my kids aren't taught to be "victims." My 2-year-old DD, if confronted by another kid (even an older one) will yell, "Back Off!" My kids all know to put their hands up to keep another kid away, to yell "Back off! or "Get away!" and to call me for help if that doesn't work, since I do actually supervise them and am never more than a few yards away.

"It's okay to hit back" works if your kid lives in an alternate reality where preschool=ultimate street fighter. As for girls needing to fend off sexual assault, I agree this should be a very real issue for parents since the rate of sexual assault now includes one in 4 women, but I think you're alot better off teaching your daughter to respect herself, have sexual boundaries, to choose friends who will help her stay safe, to be safe around alcohol and other substances, etc. than to focus all your prevention on her karate classes.

It's a nice idea to think that you can teach your daughter how to not get sexually assaulted but this is not reality. My dear friend was walking home from the metro in Takoma Park when a man jumped out and attempted to rape her. She fought like mad, got away, was chased down, and fought like mad again. She knocked him over the head with a bottle she picked up on the street and got away again. Thank God she knew how to fight because many women who get raped never even try to fight back. They have been taught not to hit or hurt anyone under any circumstances and they just don't know how to do it.

Also, it's nice to think your child will never have to fight in school. Sadly, this might not be the case either. When I was a kid fights were a regular part of after school culture for both girls and boys and I went to school in a very nice MD suburb. The parents rarely found out about it. I hope this has changed but somehow I doubt it. Teaching your kids to tell an adult whenever another kid is mean will not go over well with teachers or students either.

[Anonymous]

I think a two year old is a bit young to learn how not to hit. That said, the teaching should have begun. (-:

If my kid had hit someone, I would have pulled my child away and held his arms by his sides and said, "There is no hitting." Then I would have apologized to the parent. If the hitting persisted, I would have removed the child from the class--either for a short time out on the side or, worse case, just left the class early.

If someone hit my kid, I would have instructed him to say "Don't do that" and stop playing with the other kid. I know two is a little young for this, but at least the teaching can begin.

I learned this technique from our child's preschool teacher who has been there for 20 years. It took a while to work but it is sinking in. I like that they teach kids to start sticking up for themselves as well. At age two, the parental involvement is key but as I mentioned, kids can begin to learn these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


It's a nice idea to think that you can teach your daughter how to not get sexually assaulted but this is not reality. My dear friend was walking home from the metro in Takoma Park when a man jumped out and attempted to rape her. She fought like mad, got away, was chased down, and fought like mad again. She knocked him over the head with a bottle she picked up on the street and got away again. Thank God she knew how to fight because many women who get raped never even try to fight back. They have been taught not to hit or hurt anyone under any circumstances and they just don't know how to do it.
.

So you are saying we need to teach our TWO YEAR OLD children how to fight off attackers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


It's a nice idea to think that you can teach your daughter how to not get sexually assaulted but this is not reality. My dear friend was walking home from the metro in Takoma Park when a man jumped out and attempted to rape her. She fought like mad, got away, was chased down, and fought like mad again. She knocked him over the head with a bottle she picked up on the street and got away again. Thank God she knew how to fight because many women who get raped never even try to fight back. They have been taught not to hit or hurt anyone under any circumstances and they just don't know how to do it.
.

So you are saying we need to teach our TWO YEAR OLD children how to fight off attackers?

No, I'm saying that the PP was wrong when she said that it isn't necessary to teach self defense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whp are these people who expect their young children to need major self-defense mechanisms? Just what crack den are you people living in. As an adult, if some person assaulted me, I would not attempt to fight them off, I would yell and I would attempt to get the hell away, and I would call the police. Physically fighting off an attack is so far down the list of skills I expect to need in life that I think it can wait until kindergarten, don't you?

And no, my kids aren't taught to be "victims." My 2-year-old DD, if confronted by another kid (even an older one) will yell, "Back Off!" My kids all know to put their hands up to keep another kid away, to yell "Back off! or "Get away!" and to call me for help if that doesn't work, since I do actually supervise them and am never more than a few yards away.

"It's okay to hit back" works if your kid lives in an alternate reality where preschool=ultimate street fighter. As for girls needing to fend off sexual assault, I agree this should be a very real issue for parents since the rate of sexual assault now includes one in 4 women, but I think you're alot better off teaching your daughter to respect herself, have sexual boundaries, to choose friends who will help her stay safe, to be safe around alcohol and other substances, etc. than to focus all your prevention on her karate classes.

This is such a great post.

[Anonymous]

This situation seems strange to me. I have 3 young sons and all of who are capable of hitting / pushing another child b/c they are use to being physical with their brothers/fighting over toys etc. Of course asa decent human being, I would intercept and ask any son of mine that hit (either another child or his brother) to apologize. But I would be completely floored if another mom directed her son to hit back!!! And, if one of my sons was the subject of a hitter, I wld extract them from the situation - perhaps explaing that it's not nice to hit. But of course I would not direct my son to hit back.

[Anonymous]

Where was the leader/teacher in this situation and why didn't she intervene?