Mom argument who was right?

[Anonymous]

I was at a paid music/gym type class today and two mothers got into a verbal confrontation over one of the kids hitting. The children were both about 23-24 months old boys. The one child - A, hit several children during the class and the mother corrected the child some of the time, but didn't apologize to the other parents. The other parent's child- B, was hit twice by the child that I observed. The second time her child was struck she told her son to hit the other child back if he did it again. At this point the other mother of boy A, freaked out and started yelling at the mother of B, that she didn't understand children and was uneducated. They both were talking about one another in separate corners- Mother of A- the hitter saying what was she supposed to do put her child in a straight jacket; and the other mother of B, saying that none of her older or younger children hit other children and that it is parenting.

What do you think about toddlers that hit and what the parental response should be? It got me thinking? My child is shy so isn't a hitter at least not yet, and has often been hit by more aggressive children. I am not sure what to do in those situations when the parent isn't intervening. I have blocked a child's hand before to prevent multiple hits to my child and have gotten a dirty look from the parent.

[Anonymous]

OP - you have waaaay too much free time on your hands.

[Anonymous]

I think the mom who told her child to hit back was right. I'm so sick of parents who do nothing when their children hit, push, kick and bite. I can't understand it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the mom who told her child to hit back was right. I'm so sick of parents who do nothing when their children hit, push, kick and bite. I can't understand it.

Really? Wow. I would think it goes without saying that instructing a 24-month-old to hit isn't exactly the way to eliminate hitting in our world, but I am constantly amazed and what doesn't go without saying in our world.

[Anonymous]

I think telling you child to hit back is insane. I think not stopping your child from hitting is insane. No winners here, they're both wrong.

Just move your child away from the situation and enjoy your class.

[Anonymous]

13:35 - on the money.

At first, I thought the post was going to be about the moms who talk the entire time and completely disrupt a class (but pretends they are not) that we all paid for. Probably the same ones who let their kids hit.

OP, the parent who does little or nothing forfeits any rights to someone else not stepping in. In other words, if the parent is that pathetic and lazy - anything goes to do as you wish. The lazy parent allowed it by not paying attention and doing their job. I see it at the playground all the time. My response: very quietly scare the sh*t out of the troublemaker kid so the lazy mom is baffled. Works every time, and they asked for it. Cue the whiner with an imagined special needs kid here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think telling you child to hit back is insane. I think not stopping your child from hitting is insane. No winners here, they're both wrong.

Just move your child away from the situation and enjoy your class.

This.

[Anonymous]

I think that the moms of the kids who were hit had every right to step in and tell the hitter, "No Hitting." And then remove their child from the offender. Eventually, Child A will learn that no one wants to play with him.

I think that the two moms in question were totally out of line. The first one, Mother A, for yelling at the other mom, and Mother B for advising her child to hit back.

At 2, hitting is still common. The mothers in this group, however, need to be better socialized.

[Anonymous]

13:43, you are absolutely right about the parent who doesn't stop the hitting forfeiting any rights to someone else stepping in. Stopping another child from hitting yours in the absence of the other child's parent stopping him/her is appropriate and I would have no problem discussing that with any parent who didn't care to intervene when his/her child was the aggressor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think telling you child to hit back is insane. I think not stopping your child from hitting is insane. No winners here, they're both wrong.

Just move your child away from the situation and enjoy your class.

I totally agree!! Teaching your kids it's okay to hit is caveman mentality.

[Anonymous]

If my child is being hit, why not teach them to hit back. You're not always there. Sometimes they are in daycare, or will be in preschool eventually. What is wrong with learning to defend yourself. Today it's just an innocent hit of a 23 month old that doesn't know any better, but years down the road it'll be a bully. We have to teach our kids to stand up for themselves. I've told my daughter that we NEVER hit first, but if someone hits you after you've asked them to stop then it's okay to defend yourself. Yes 23-24 months is young and they really don't know any better, but really people come on. Nothing wrong with self-defense.

[Anonymous]

Is Tae Kwon do caveman mentality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:43, you are absolutely right about the parent who doesn't stop the hitting forfeiting any rights to someone else stepping in. Stopping another child from hitting yours in the absence of the other child's parent stopping him/her is appropriate and I would have no problem discussing that with any parent who didn't care to intervene when his/her child was the aggressor.

OK, but what about the part where 13:43 is "scaring the shit" out of other people's children. Yikes lady. Get a grip. You're a bully. And you bully small children. Hope that feels good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my child is being hit, why not teach them to hit back. You're not always there. Sometimes they are in daycare, or will be in preschool eventually. What is wrong with learning to defend yourself. Today it's just an innocent hit of a 23 month old that doesn't know any better, but years down the road it'll be a bully. We have to teach our kids to stand up for themselves. I've told my daughter that we NEVER hit first, but if someone hits you after you've asked them to stop then it's okay to defend yourself. Yes 23-24 months is young and they really don't know any better, but really people come on. Nothing wrong with self-defense.

OMG. How about teaching your child to communicate that hitting isn't ok, go to a teacher or just move away. Teaching your child that hitting is an ok way to 'defend yourself' when Mom isn't around is a horrible lesson and isn't going to serve them well in the future. You can teach your kids to stand up for themselves without resorting to hitting. Good grief, no wonder there are so many bratty kids running around! They are learning that its ok to hit *sometimes* from their parents. Lovely. Because 2 year olds really get that whole 'you can do this sometimes but only in the following situations' thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my child is being hit, why not teach them to hit back. You're not always there. Sometimes they are in daycare, or will be in preschool eventually. What is wrong with learning to defend yourself. Today it's just an innocent hit of a 23 month old that doesn't know any better, but years down the road it'll be a bully. We have to teach our kids to stand up for themselves. I've told my daughter that we NEVER hit first, but if someone hits you after you've asked them to stop then it's okay to defend yourself. Yes 23-24 months is young and they really don't know any better, but really people come on. Nothing wrong with self-defense.

But at what age do kids really get this nuanced message? Certainly not at 2 years old. We're not talking about a 10 year old getting bullied after school. These are toddlers. I think the overriding message for that age group has to be - no hitting, ever.