My MIL

[Anonymous]

I would have found the message really annoying too. I agree with the earlier posters who would welcome paternal granny bringing all the whatever she wants. Her message was very passive-aggressive as others have stated. It also could mean she doesn't like your cooking at all. Or, she might just be super controlling...it could be tons of things. Just thank God though that you don't have my MIL...she's a real winner...wrote my husband out of her will after his father died. Now she gets all of the money.

[Anonymous]

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

[Anonymous]

Paternal granny?
She wrote someone out of the will after someone died?

Happy Holidays!

[Anonymous]

I thought her email was nice - I would not have been offended at all. I would have welcomed her bring a stuffing and I would have made mine the way I wanted.

[Anonymous]

I imagine that OP's MIL has a history of this kind of "helpful" remindy "tip." I can see why it might be irritating, even while OP recognizes that her MIL is probably just trying to help. And OP is not saying her mother-in-law is the devil, she's just wanting to vent a little bit. Isn't that the standard on DCUM, not needing to have the worst story anyone ever heard?

[Anonymous]

I don't think it is a great email. Just write a quick response "got it covered. thanks." and then don't think about it again.

My MIL would have given me the silent treatment for nine months for daring to suppose that anyone besides her might be qualified to make a vegetable-based stuffing, stopped speaking to me without saying why, and then expect me to be warm and friendly nine months later. I'd never rant on a website, though

[Anonymous]

As a vegetarian for 16 years, I just had a conversation with my mom this week asking her to remind my grandmother to use veggie broth for the stuffing. DH's grandparents have invited us over for dinner several times and tried to serve us beef stew assuming we could eat around the beef. People forget that chicken broth isn't vegetarian all the time and some people, friends and family of mine even, don't see what the big deal is and think they can just sneak it in.

Like pp have said, we don't know your history, but it's very possible she was just trying to be helpful and look out for her son's family. It's also possible that she herself has a hard time remembering to use veggie broth and assumes you do too so she passes it along.

I say all of this as a DIL with a MIL who is lactose intolerant, comes over for (a vegetarian) dinner at our house and then tells us she's concerned we don't get enough protein because there wasn't any dairy in our meal.

[Anonymous]

Do not make stuffing.
Forget.
If someone asks, then it was just a misunderstanding and someone thought someone else was making it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, this is my first MIL rant on here. Background: My husband and I are hosting Thanksgiving this year as we have every year since 2007. My BIL's wife and their daughter are vegetarians. Of course I know this, as my BIL and his wife were married in 2005 and their daughter was born in 2007. I was highly annoyed by this email my MIL sent me over the weekend:

I just wanted to share that when I make stuffing/dressing now I use vegetable broth instead of turkey or chicken broth. Of course you should make yours any way you want, but using vegetable broth means there is one more dish that vegetarians can eat! (I am presuming you will be making stuffing which is my favorite part of the whole holiday meal. If not, I would be glad to bring some.)

We are so looking forward to Thanksgiving at your house. Let us know when you decide what time you would like for us to appear.

Love, XXX

AHHH!!! Ok, I feel better now.

Didn't read everyone's responses, but found some of them weren't very nice. Anyway, I can kind of see how DIL was a bit annoyed by the email. Frankly, I prefer not to be told how to make my Thanksgiving dishes at my own house that I am hosting! It is enough headache to get everything in order, let alone having to make a special trip to the store for a special request. Also, is it really fair to have to make the stuffing differently just because a few people that are coming are vegans? This year, I am putting sausage in my stuff because I like it!

Also, for some reason - the word 'presume' jumped out on me... "I am presuming you will be making...."

MIL should have SIMPLE sent an email stating she will like to help by making and bringing the stuffing dish.

[Anonymous]

OP is overreacting. Was it a perfectly crafted email? Of course not. But if this is as bad as it gets with her MIL, she should be saying thanks big time for having her as a MIL this Thanksgiving and every Thanksgiving into perpetuity. Yes MIL could have handled it differently but many DIL's would have let it slide. She's family, OP. Focus on what's good about her and let her flaws slide. Isn't that the spirit of this holiday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the annals of MIL transgressions, this is nothing. It is totally manageable. It started and ended with that email. For all OP knows, she is not perfect and BIL said something to his mother. Good grief. Give thanks your MIL is not a monster, OP.

I have one of those monster MILs. OP, I would gladly switch with you. The stories I could tell you would shock you. I have not spoken to her for the last 7 months because her behavior is so outrageous and shocking, I had to cut her off. It was toxic to me and my health. I will take you MIL and you can have mine.

[Anonymous]

I find unsolicited advice ALWAYS annoying. OP has been hosting this group for YEARS.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP but I don't find anything wrong with the email at all. You're MIL was just trying to help and was thinking of the vegetarians in your family. You need to find other things to be annoyed with. This is not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP but I don't find anything wrong with the email at all. You're MIL was just trying to help and was thinking of the vegetarians in your family. You need to find other things to be annoyed with. This is not one of them.

OP has been serving the vegetarians for YEARS!!! How hard is that to understand?

[Anonymous]

Pretend the information was conveyed by somebody other than your MIL. Do you really think you would be as annoyed? If your husband said "Hey, don't forget to use veg stock in the stuffing so my sister can eat it" would you be pissed? If your Aunt Hilda called you and said, "I was in the store the other day and noticed that they sell veg stock. You could use that at T-giving to make something for the vegetarians." would you be upset?

I think that a great number of these "MIL vents" have little to do with what the MI actually did and everything to do with the inherent tension in the MIL/DIL relationship.