My MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My response would have been - You are so sweet. We would love to take you up on your offer to bring stuffing. Hell, one less thing on my list.

Yup, same here. Some women like to create drama where there is none.

[Anonymous]

DH here with a passive agresssive mother who would have definitely written something like this about other matters like TY notes, calling relatives, checking if we "got the gift". However, it's funny with this post. Wife and I are the vegetarians--and my parents still don't get it. I've been this way for over 15 years, and they still don't get it. Stuffing is always confusing--how do you make it without the turkey??? You won't even eat the chicken? Oh, we have rice--it's ok if it's made with a little chicken stock, right? Always. So, I get this post, b/c I've seen these instances all the time, but I really respect the intent of her email. I think you are going overboard here. It's a typical passive agressive email between MIL and Daughter.

That said, OP, I wouldn't have posted the email. You could have summarized it (i'd be PISSED if my wife posted an email from mom on here). That was a tacky move.

[Anonymous]

Does your MIL read DCUM?? If no, who cares if she posted the email? Am I missing something? My MIL and no one from her family would ever make it to this website, let alone to "off-topic".

[Anonymous]

OP here - I also don't understand why posting the email is such a big deal (hence the reason I posted it). I didn't even call her a mean name!

[Anonymous]

As you are from a family with "Southern roots," you already have the perfect response to her email:

"Well, bless your heart!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As you are from a family with "Southern roots," you already have the perfect response to her email:

"Well, bless your heart!"

But, wait, she grew up in the DC area....she is very specific about that, lest we think she's a hick.

[Anonymous]

Of course OP's MIL doesn't read DCUM. It's the principle. Emails like that are for the two people. People do not generally post other people's emails online. OP, would you like it if someone posted an email you'd written online for dozens (or more) people to read?) I would feel violated.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like OP needs some MIL perspective. This is the least offensive MIL story I've ever read here. Really. THE LEAST OFFENSIVE.

The lady's just doing her best to take care of her family. Imagine she came to DCUM for advice... "We're going to my DIL's house for Thanksgiving, and some other family members are vegetarians. Any tips for how I can make sure, as a guest and not the hostess, that there are plenty of vegetarian dishes? I especially worried about the stuffing, as pretty much everyone makes it with turkey stock."

And the responses:
"Send her an email with your favorite vege stuffing recipe."
"Offer to bring the stuffing yourself."
"MYOB" (because someone here always says MYOB.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I totally feel the condesecion. As someone who also has a "wonderful MIL" who is incredibly passive-afgressive but not a bad/mean person, this kind of thing drives me crazy.

Recently, we invited MIL to go to the playground with us and DD (2 yrs.) She said "I'd love to go but I cant bear to see DD fall down." Of course, she told DH not to tell me she said that.

DD is 2 and likes to run and climb and sometimes falls down.

Her statement, while seemingly innocent, really meant:
1) you are a bad parent bc DD falls down
2) I love her more bc it bothers me when she falls down and you dont care
3) There is something wrong with her that she falls down so often and you dont care, and
4) Now I dont have to get off the couch but I still seem like an amazing loving grandmother.

Perhaps I am overeacting to her, but when you get these types of condescending, guilt-filled, passive-aggressive statements on a regular basis, they can be quite infuriating.

Exactly!!!! If you dio not have a passive-aggressive MIL or mother, you just dont get it. MIL's e-mail was totally passive-agressive and condescending people.

[Anonymous]

oh, and by ending such a p-a e-mail she deserves to have it posted and, there is no way to identify the sender so really, who cares?!!?!

[Anonymous]

Vegetarian DIL with a freak MIL here. I would be thrilled if my MIL even considered something like that, honestly, and I don't think this email is condescending or passive aggressive. My MIL routinely arrives for T-giving (which I have to host b/c her house is unhealthily filthy) bearing stuffing studded with ground sausage. And every year she blithely says "Oh! I forgot, you can't eat that!" It's only been 15 years, why should she remember?

[Anonymous]

There are more MILs scanning this board than you think. My neighbor told me about the board. I turned my out of area sister on to this board so that she would know how to deal with her two high powered DILs. Many of my friends do the same thing. MY DIL is arriving from San Fran this evening with my DS and DGS and DGD, and I am ready for her. I assure you this board is very helpful to MILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If you dio not have a passive-aggressive MIL or mother, you just dont get it. MIL's e-mail was totally passive-agressive and condescending people.

Oh, I totally have a passive agressive MIL. She's from a warmer climate and insists on bundling my child to the point of immobility when the weather doesn't call for it. The time that I sent my kid to her house wearing something weather-appropriate, MIL went out and bought the kid (ugly) new warm clothes (which she didn't want), and presented them to me with a big smile and a "now your child won't have to go outside half-naked in winter!" type comment. She's also never in her life been on time anywhere, and when she does arrive, she dominates the room with martyrish stories of why it took her so long to arrive. To me, this is the height of passive agressive jerkiness.

And I don't think that OP's "problem" rises to the level of a DCUM rant. Respect the rant, people. If we allow rants about MIL behavior that merits nothing more than an eye roll, before you know it, we'll be innundated with people venting that traffic in DC is bad, and that higher education is expensive.

Wait, what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

That's a sweet email. Gosh, you are quite the DIL! YOU POSTED YOUR MIL's EMAIL ON HERE. Does DH know? I pray I do not end up with a DIL like you. I'm calling bitch.

I agree. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your MIL's email. OP, you are an overreacting nut.

[Anonymous]

I'd just ignore the email. Since you've hosted before she should know you know how to make stuffing w/ vegetable broth.