Spouses of high earners with kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you work? If so how much do you make? Is your job flexible?

I am the spouse of a lawyer who has a base of $575,000. Last year he made $725,000. I work full time in a VERY flexible job making $150,000 and carry all of our health insurance benefits plus I have a really good pension and a lot of time off.

We have 3 kids in elementary school and are very busy with school, sports, kids stuff, etc. I do the bulk of the kid and home stuff (probably 80%).

My husband is very stressed and is constantly working. I wonder if it would make more sense for me to find a higher paying job to give my husband to option to take a pay cut and into a more family friendly position. For those of you in similar positions what works best for you?

It appears that you are trying to do what the at-home moms do. Without full time help for the children it must be tough. My friends all are at home, mostly because the working mothers are working. My friends are middle class to 8 figure salaries and everything in between. It’s a choice that parents make.

Your “solution” makes no sense. He’s on the top of the pay scale for lawyers. I can’t imagine he’d ever be free to leave a meeting early to bring Jr to T-ball. You should cut back to part-time because your income is much lower than his. Or hire full time help if you prefer working.

None of us have stressed husbands because of family issues because those issues don’t get in the way of their career for the most part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a F/T position when the kids were young so my lawyer DH could focus 100% on his career without ever having to juggle. Would you not working make any difference in his stress level? I take care of a lot of the administrative headaches that my DH just doesn't have the bandwidth for.

OP - no I don't think it would make any difference for his stress level. When he is super busy I already take over any of the extras that he is doing at the house. When he has time he helps. When he doesn't I do everything.

So all of his stress is from his job. Maybe he’s not meant for the type of job he’s in. Too stressful with worrying about billable hours and overwhelmed when it’s very busy. It has nothing to do with your job or the children.

If his health would improve with a calmer atmosphere in the work place he should look around to see what’s out there. Hopefully you could manage a pay cut and it would make for a happier home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you work? If so how much do you make? Is your job flexible?

I am the spouse of a lawyer who has a base of $575,000. Last year he made $725,000. I work full time in a VERY flexible job making $150,000 and carry all of our health insurance benefits plus I have a really good pension and a lot of time off.

We have 3 kids in elementary school and are very busy with school, sports, kids stuff, etc. I do the bulk of the kid and home stuff (probably 80%).

My husband is very stressed and is constantly working. I wonder if it would make more sense for me to find a higher paying job to give my husband to option to take a pay cut and into a more family friendly position. For those of you in similar positions what works best for you?

It appears that you are trying to do what the at-home moms do. Without full time help for the children it must be tough. My friends all are at home, mostly because the working mothers are working. My friends are middle class to 8 figure salaries and everything in between. It’s a choice that parents make.

Your “solution” makes no sense. He’s on the top of the pay scale for lawyers. I can’t imagine he’d ever be free to leave a meeting early to bring Jr to T-ball. You should cut back to part-time because your income is much lower than his. Or hire full time help if you prefer working.

None of us have stressed husbands because of family issues because those issues don’t get in the way of their career for the most part.

Top of the pay scale is important. There's a reckoning coming for non-litigating attorneys. OPs DH should bank as much as possible now before the job market changes due to AI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you work? If so how much do you make? Is your job flexible?

I am the spouse of a lawyer who has a base of $575,000. Last year he made $725,000. I work full time in a VERY flexible job making $150,000 and carry all of our health insurance benefits plus I have a really good pension and a lot of time off.

We have 3 kids in elementary school and are very busy with school, sports, kids stuff, etc. I do the bulk of the kid and home stuff (probably 80%).

My husband is very stressed and is constantly working. I wonder if it would make more sense for me to find a higher paying job to give my husband to option to take a pay cut and into a more family friendly position. For those of you in similar positions what works best for you?

It appears that you are trying to do what the at-home moms do. Without full time help for the children it must be tough. My friends all are at home, mostly because the working mothers are working. My friends are middle class to 8 figure salaries and everything in between. It’s a choice that parents make.

Your “solution” makes no sense. He’s on the top of the pay scale for lawyers. I can’t imagine he’d ever be free to leave a meeting early to bring Jr to T-ball. You should cut back to part-time because your income is much lower than his. Or hire full time help if you prefer working.

None of us have stressed husbands because of family issues because those issues don’t get in the way of their career for the most part.

Top of the pay scale is important. There's a reckoning coming for non-litigating attorneys. OPs DH should bank as much as possible now before the job market changes due to AI.

Op - he is a litigator. But I also agree AI is going to change the legal field immensely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you work? If so how much do you make? Is your job flexible?

I am the spouse of a lawyer who has a base of $575,000. Last year he made $725,000. I work full time in a VERY flexible job making $150,000 and carry all of our health insurance benefits plus I have a really good pension and a lot of time off.

We have 3 kids in elementary school and are very busy with school, sports, kids stuff, etc. I do the bulk of the kid and home stuff (probably 80%).

My husband is very stressed and is constantly working. I wonder if it would make more sense for me to find a higher paying job to give my husband to option to take a pay cut and into a more family friendly position. For those of you in similar positions what works best for you?

It appears that you are trying to do what the at-home moms do. Without full time help for the children it must be tough. My friends all are at home, mostly because the working mothers are working. My friends are middle class to 8 figure salaries and everything in between. It’s a choice that parents make.

Your “solution” makes no sense. He’s on the top of the pay scale for lawyers. I can’t imagine he’d ever be free to leave a meeting early to bring Jr to T-ball. You should cut back to part-time because your income is much lower than his. Or hire full time help if you prefer working.

None of us have stressed husbands because of family issues because those issues don’t get in the way of their career for the most part.

Top of the pay scale is important. There's a reckoning coming for non-litigating attorneys. OPs DH should bank as much as possible now before the job market changes due to AI.

Op - he is a litigator. But I also agree AI is going to change the legal field immensely.

Wait til you start repping AI clients. They won’t let you touch AI in your work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you work? If so how much do you make? Is your job flexible?

I am the spouse of a lawyer who has a base of $575,000. Last year he made $725,000. I work full time in a VERY flexible job making $150,000 and carry all of our health insurance benefits plus I have a really good pension and a lot of time off.

We have 3 kids in elementary school and are very busy with school, sports, kids stuff, etc. I do the bulk of the kid and home stuff (probably 80%).

My husband is very stressed and is constantly working. I wonder if it would make more sense for me to find a higher paying job to give my husband to option to take a pay cut and into a more family friendly position. For those of you in similar positions what works best for you?

It appears that you are trying to do what the at-home moms do. Without full time help for the children it must be tough. My friends all are at home, mostly because the working mothers are working. My friends are middle class to 8 figure salaries and everything in between. It’s a choice that parents make.

Your “solution” makes no sense. He’s on the top of the pay scale for lawyers. I can’t imagine he’d ever be free to leave a meeting early to bring Jr to T-ball. You should cut back to part-time because your income is much lower than his. Or hire full time help if you prefer working.

None of us have stressed husbands because of family issues because those issues don’t get in the way of their career for the most part.

Top of the pay scale is important. There's a reckoning coming for non-litigating attorneys. OPs DH should bank as much as possible now before the job market changes due to AI.

Op - he is a litigator. But I also agree AI is going to change the legal field immensely.

Wait til you start repping AI clients. They won’t let you touch AI in your work.

Ohh that’s interesting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is making 7 figures these days. His salary has tripled since 2020. I have a very part time job, that makes peanuts. I do it for my sanity rather than the money.

We also have three kids and are really busy all the time. The kids get more busy each year they are older. I would love to have more help from him, but he doesn’t have the time or mental energy.

But…I could be making 300k and I don’t think he would be making different choices. He says he would love to retire- but actually he thrives on the challenge and business.

So given that reality, I stay dialed back so I can manage everything else. I think if you are bored in your job, then look around for something else, but otherwise? I don’t think making more money for the sake of it is going to help your family

How did you find this? We’re in a very similar situation and I’ve been looking for a PT gig and haven’t had any luck finding roles that aren’t FT.

Maybe start your own thread so your question doesn't get buried. But schools often have part time jobs (bus driver, lunch monitor, classroom aide, aftercare worker). Also retail is usually happy to schedule you part time so they don't have to pay benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you work? If so how much do you make? Is your job flexible?

I am the spouse of a lawyer who has a base of $575,000. Last year he made $725,000. I work full time in a VERY flexible job making $150,000 and carry all of our health insurance benefits plus I have a really good pension and a lot of time off.

We have 3 kids in elementary school and are very busy with school, sports, kids stuff, etc. I do the bulk of the kid and home stuff (probably 80%).

My husband is very stressed and is constantly working. I wonder if it would make more sense for me to find a higher paying job to give my husband to option to take a pay cut and into a more family friendly position. For those of you in similar positions what works best for you?

I would not try to ramp up unless he explicitly wants to ramp down and has a path in mind that would allow him to do 40% at home.

We make $920,000 and the split is 42% me/58% my husband. I’m hoping in the next 18 months he gets a promotion and it is much closer to 30/70. It is less stressful when you can prioritize one career more instead of trying to keep both careers on a front burner while doing kid stuff.

Our kids are in half day preschool, pre-K, and 2nd grade and despite have a nanny 35 hours a week we’re constantly negotiating whose turn it is to miss work for some child related reason and are so burnt out. Granted, my kids are horrible sleepers and incredibly active and my youngest just turned 3 and we have no family help….but it feels like everything is so intense for both of us all the time..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you work? If so how much do you make? Is your job flexible?

I am the spouse of a lawyer who has a base of $575,000. Last year he made $725,000. I work full time in a VERY flexible job making $150,000 and carry all of our health insurance benefits plus I have a really good pension and a lot of time off.

We have 3 kids in elementary school and are very busy with school, sports, kids stuff, etc. I do the bulk of the kid and home stuff (probably 80%).

My husband is very stressed and is constantly working. I wonder if it would make more sense for me to find a higher paying job to give my husband to option to take a pay cut and into a more family friendly position. For those of you in similar positions what works best for you?

I would not try to ramp up unless he explicitly wants to ramp down and has a path in mind that would allow him to do 40% at home.

We make $920,000 and the split is 42% me/58% my husband. I’m hoping in the next 18 months he gets a promotion and it is much closer to 30/70. It is less stressful when you can prioritize one career more instead of trying to keep both careers on a front burner while doing kid stuff.

Our kids are in half day preschool, pre-K, and 2nd grade and despite have a nanny 35 hours a week we’re constantly negotiating whose turn it is to miss work for some child related reason and are so burnt out. Granted, my kids are horrible sleepers and incredibly active and my youngest just turned 3 and we have no family help….but it feels like everything is so intense for both of us all the time..

This sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you work? If so how much do you make? Is your job flexible?

I am the spouse of a lawyer who has a base of $575,000. Last year he made $725,000. I work full time in a VERY flexible job making $150,000 and carry all of our health insurance benefits plus I have a really good pension and a lot of time off.

We have 3 kids in elementary school and are very busy with school, sports, kids stuff, etc. I do the bulk of the kid and home stuff (probably 80%).

My husband is very stressed and is constantly working. I wonder if it would make more sense for me to find a higher paying job to give my husband to option to take a pay cut and into a more family friendly position. For those of you in similar positions what works best for you?

I would not try to ramp up unless he explicitly wants to ramp down and has a path in mind that would allow him to do 40% at home.

We make $920,000 and the split is 42% me/58% my husband. I’m hoping in the next 18 months he gets a promotion and it is much closer to 30/70. It is less stressful when you can prioritize one career more instead of trying to keep both careers on a front burner while doing kid stuff.

Our kids are in half day preschool, pre-K, and 2nd grade and despite have a nanny 35 hours a week we’re constantly negotiating whose turn it is to miss work for some child related reason and are so burnt out. Granted, my kids are horrible sleepers and incredibly active and my youngest just turned 3 and we have no family help….but it feels like everything is so intense for both of us all the time..

This sounds awful.

.

It really does. No one needs this money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No Op, to answer your question -- this is a personality-thing. Your husband would be no different.

I agree with this. Your husband could probably make choices right now that would make his job less stressful and more manageable, but the trade offs would be lower bonuses and slower advancement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all should be saving at minimum 500k/year. What is your FIRE number? If he can see the finish line, maybe you guys can do this for another 5-6 years then he can live his life and raise his kids.

Their after-tax income in Virginia, less their health insurance, is barely more than $500k on an $875k income.

Oh poor babies!

Impossible to save $500k when you only take home $500k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all should be saving at minimum 500k/year. What is your FIRE number? If he can see the finish line, maybe you guys can do this for another 5-6 years then he can live his life and raise his kids.

Their after-tax income in Virginia, less their health insurance, is barely more than $500k on an $875k income.

Oh poor babies!

Impossible to save $500k when you only take home $500k.

+1 we make a similar amount and even including principal contributions to our mortgage, we’re saving ~200k in long term investments, and additional 60k in HYSA that is saved for major expenses the following year just in case. Childcare is insanely expensive (have a nanny for baby + preschool costs), which is about 90k this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all should be saving at minimum 500k/year. What is your FIRE number? If he can see the finish line, maybe you guys can do this for another 5-6 years then he can live his life and raise his kids.

Their after-tax income in Virginia, less their health insurance, is barely more than $500k on an $875k income.

Oh poor babies!

Impossible to save $500k when you only take home $500k.

+1 we make a similar amount and even including principal contributions to our mortgage, we’re saving ~200k in long term investments, and additional 60k in HYSA that is saved for major expenses the following year just in case. Childcare is insanely expensive (have a nanny for baby + preschool costs), which is about 90k this year.

Just $90K for a nanny AND preschool? Your nanny is a steal!

[Anonymous]

I don’t work anymore. It’s the best solution. I did not enjoy it, and it threw our home life into chaos. I was only part time and it still was stressful for me lol. My DH, on the other hand, truly enjoys his work.