Asking about allergy severity

[Anonymous]

OP it depends on th context in which they're asking. Is their kid eating a snack right next to yours at the playground? Are you hosting their kid for a playdate?

For example I have a coworker with a good allergy and once time I asked her if I needed to be careful bc I was eating that item right next to her in a restaurant and another time we were all eating on a bus and again I was next to her with that item (I'm vegetarian and similarly to an PP eat a lot of nuts or don't have a lot of options to choose from on the menu!)

I'm not trying to pry about her medical situation. I thought I was being considerate in asking.

[Anonymous]

I say my kid is “anaphylactic to trace amounts or cross contamination”. My friend is “itchy if she eats too many strawberries”.

It’s a fair question and can mean the person understands the serious difference between “just don’t eat the allergen” and “read the label carefully and make sure that cutting board wasn’t just used for the allergen”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I am being overly sensitive but when someone asks me about the severity of dc’s allergies, it bothers me.

Two reasons, one because allergies don’t work that way / one time dc could have hives the next time anaphylaxis; two because it just seems flippant like they are trying to minimize things. I just respond with oh it’s hard to tell but it’s best to stay vigilant. One of my dc had anaphylaxis to a food she had eaten many times and this was her first reaction to that food ever. Thank god we already had epi pens for other known allergies but it was very scary so maybe that’s where my sensitivity comes from.

Are others bothered by questions like these or am I just being sensitive?

If they don't ask them m how will they know what your child can, or cannot eat? You sound like a royal PITA.

[Anonymous]

But there are lots of reasons a parent might ask out of concern at a playdate situation even if no one is actively eating. I have a friend whose child is contact anaphylactic to dairy (which is very unusual). If I were at a playground and her kid showed up, I'd get my kids back and make them wash their hands if they had recently had a cheese stick. I have another friend whose child is allergic to hazelnuts and one time I noticed on my way to meet up with her that my child had Nutella on his shirt so I texted her to ask if she had a shirt she could lend him and she said it was actually fine and a small amount that her daughter wasn't eating would be safe. No one is questioning your child's allergies. We're just trying to make sure we are not unintentionally putting your child at risk.

[Anonymous]

So you bring up his allergies in settings where he's not going over someone's house and then get offended when someone asks more questions? Just don't bring it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are trying to figure out if they need to do something unusual to keep your kid safe, like wash hands after handling an allergen or perhaps not have you over.

For example we simply do not host my nephew with serious allergies because I cannot make my house safe: we go to the park instead. But we do host kids who have the same allergies, just lesser reactions or parents who are ok with exposure.

The setting does not play to your explanation. This is just playground chatter not that we are going into someone's home.

I have a kid with an anaphylactic allergy. Is it possible they are just chatting? For example my kids allergen is anaphylactic but it is pine nuts. I don’t really even think twice about cross contamination at most fast food places because pine nuts simply aren’t very prevalent. They are expensive and generally only used in a limited number of regional cuisines.

My experience is 1000% different from parents of kids with complex allergies that have to wipe down playground equipment before it can be used, and even with that end up in the ER monthly or weekly.

Can I relate as a parent of a kid with an epi-pen? Maybe, but I wouldn’t assume all allergy families experience the exact same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you bring up his allergies in settings where he's not going over someone's house and then get offended when someone asks more questions? Just don't bring it up.

My kid's allergies are environmental, not food, but sometimes they come up. For example, when my kid was younger and certain outside activities would trigger asthma bad enough to need oral steroids and possibly the ER, and people would invite us to the pumpkin patch or whatever, I'd explain so the conversation didn't end up with them suggesting multiple dates, and trying to talk me into the idea that pumpkin patch is fun, I'd say "He's allergic to the mold in hay, would you want to meet up for swimming at the indoor pool?" Then people would ask me if I'd tried Benadryl, as if I might not have heard of it. This is for a kid on 6 daily asthma/allergy meds, who had still had multiple ER visits and hospital stays before he turned 2.

I can imagine that allergies are coming up in natural conversation for OP too. Maybe someone offered her kid a snack, and she told them he can't share food. Maybe someone asked if her kid liked a certain food. Maybe she had a conversation with her kid about why he couldn't take an offered food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you bring up his allergies in settings where he's not going over someone's house and then get offended when someone asks more questions? Just don't bring it up.

My kid's allergies are environmental, not food, but sometimes they come up. For example, when my kid was younger and certain outside activities would trigger asthma bad enough to need oral steroids and possibly the ER, and people would invite us to the pumpkin patch or whatever, I'd explain so the conversation didn't end up with them suggesting multiple dates, and trying to talk me into the idea that pumpkin patch is fun, I'd say "He's allergic to the mold in hay, would you want to meet up for swimming at the indoor pool?" Then people would ask me if I'd tried Benadryl, as if I might not have heard of it. This is for a kid on 6 daily asthma/allergy meds, who had still had multiple ER visits and hospital stays before he turned 2.

I can imagine that allergies are coming up in natural conversation for OP too. Maybe someone offered her kid a snack, and she told them he can't share food. Maybe someone asked if her kid liked a certain food. Maybe she had a conversation with her kid about why he couldn't take an offered food.

As an adult with allergies, I can so relate to “have you tried Benadryl??” No Jan I’ve only been suffering from allergies my whole life but no I never thought of taking any kind of medicine.

It drives me insane how people think antihistamines magically cure allergies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"her reactions are considered potentially anaphylactic so she cannot consume any. Airborne exposure is [an issue, not an issue]."

That's all they're trying to find out. I have a kid with complex allergies so I do get feeling sensitive--but at the same time, how much detail do you expect them to ask without it feeling like prying? They're opening the door for you to clarify exactly what the needs are ... which about 100x better than someone being like "yeah yeah gotcha" and not taking it seriously.

I really agree with this. I interpret any questions as someone trying to understand what to do to keep my child safe. If you haven't dealt with it, you just don't know. Heck, even I became somewhat complacent once after a long run of no issues with my kid's food allergy. One moderate reaction snapped me back to reality. When people are asking, it means they care. PP is spot on that it's better than "yeah yeah gotcha."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here... to all of the responders saying you need to know so you would know how much to clean or what to serve, I am not talking about going to someone's home. I am talking about people using this as casual chatter at the playground. No food is being served. And for those who say severities vary, maybe but you also cannot say when or where an allergy can become more severe. My DC was previously able to go inside middle eastern restaurants and one day, we went inside to buy tamarind juices and he started getting hives just from sesame being in the air. It is not a think that is set and stays, it is always changing. That is why you should always be vigilant and never treat allergies flippantly which is what I feel people asking about severity are trying to do.

My DC has an anaphylactic reaction with all four foods they are allergic to. Three are recent developments. I was pretty freaked for about 3 months following the discovery of the new foods they were allergic to - all foods felt unsafe again. I was very anxious any time my child tried any new food or new brand of food.

But honestly, it really didn’t impact our lives a lot (other than avoiding the new allergens) because we already had all the food rules in place for the first allergy, and we never go anywhere without an EpiPen.

I don’t understand why you are being sensitive about people asking - even if allergies do change, if you have one severe allergy, you have to be vigilant all the time, so it doesn’t matter. Just say your DC has severe allergies.

I also want to say, I’m sorry your child has severe food allergies. It really sucks. Mine hates having food allergies, and feels left out a lot when there are food sharing social situations. Most parents don’t get it, most kids don’t get it, and I actually think casual conversations can be a great way to raise awareness.