Asking about allergy severity

[Anonymous]

Maybe I am being overly sensitive but when someone asks me about the severity of dc’s allergies, it bothers me.

Two reasons, one because allergies don’t work that way / one time dc could have hives the next time anaphylaxis; two because it just seems flippant like they are trying to minimize things. I just respond with oh it’s hard to tell but it’s best to stay vigilant. One of my dc had anaphylaxis to a food she had eaten many times and this was her first reaction to that food ever. Thank god we already had epi pens for other known allergies but it was very scary so maybe that’s where my sensitivity comes from.

Are others bothered by questions like these or am I just being sensitive?

[Anonymous]

They are trying to figure out if they need to do something unusual to keep your kid safe, like wash hands after handling an allergen or perhaps not have you over.

For example we simply do not host my nephew with serious allergies because I cannot make my house safe: we go to the park instead. But we do host kids who have the same allergies, just lesser reactions or parents who are ok with exposure.

[Anonymous]

I am asking to know if I need to worry about cross contamination or just not give your kid a peanut. I am a trying to keep her safe!

[Anonymous]

You are being sensitive. This is important for others to know that are responsible for your child. A kid that has had an anaphylactic reaction once is more likely to have another, to that or really anything, than a kid that has never had one.

[Anonymous]

I think you're being oversensitive, and your answer is downplaying the severity. People ask because they want to know how vigilant they need to be. Can they have you over? Can their kid eat a peanut snack at the same table as your kid, or is even that too risky? Etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are trying to figure out if they need to do something unusual to keep your kid safe, like wash hands after handling an allergen or perhaps not have you over.

For example we simply do not host my nephew with serious allergies because I cannot make my house safe: we go to the park instead. But we do host kids who have the same allergies, just lesser reactions or parents who are ok with exposure.

agree. we are vegetarian so have a lot of nuts and nut products in our house. I am happy to give your kid nut free food but if your kid literally cant be in the same house as nut dust floating in the air we have a more serious problem.

[Anonymous]

There is such a thing as a mild allergy. It often looks like negative scratch tests but positive IgE tests along with some observable reaction (like vomiting) when consuming the food. This is my son’s situation for fish and shellfish.

People want to know because they want to take the proper precautions, but also because they’re curious how life-altering the situation is for your family.

[Anonymous]

You are being sensitive, because some allergies DO work that way. Some kids have food sensitivities where some exposure is ok. Plus many people's understanding of allergies is based on environmental allergies where severity is an issue -- some people can't function around a cat at all, some can take a Zyrtec and be fine, some can take nothing and get a runny nose but that's it.

Just tell people what they need to know. If you say "any exposure poses a risk, he can't have any gluten at all" and the roll their eyes, then they are being jerks. But I bet most people will thank you for telling them and then make sure they follow your instruction, because most people are sane and don't want to hurt a child.

[Anonymous]

"her reactions are considered potentially anaphylactic so she cannot consume any. Airborne exposure is [an issue, not an issue]."

That's all they're trying to find out. I have a kid with complex allergies so I do get feeling sensitive--but at the same time, how much detail do you expect them to ask without it feeling like prying? They're opening the door for you to clarify exactly what the needs are ... which about 100x better than someone being like "yeah yeah gotcha" and not taking it seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I am being overly sensitive but when someone asks me about the severity of dc’s allergies, it bothers me.

Two reasons, one because allergies don’t work that way / one time dc could have hives the next time anaphylaxis; two because it just seems flippant like they are trying to minimize things. I just respond with oh it’s hard to tell but it’s best to stay vigilant. One of my dc had anaphylaxis to a food she had eaten many times and this was her first reaction to that food ever. Thank god we already had epi pens for other known allergies but it was very scary so maybe that’s where my sensitivity comes from.

Are others bothered by questions like these or am I just being sensitive?

It is frustrating because of the bolded. Allergic reactions arent the same thing every time, dont require the same dose to cascade into a reaction, and wont always have the same symptoms AND you can become allergic to a food at any time, at any age.

Allergic reactions are not food sensitivities. My daughter will go into anaphylaxis from eating eggs. She doesnt sleep well if she eats banana. I dont tell people about banana, we just dont feed it to her or allow her to have it.

The other mistake- including ER docs I have interacted with- is linking anaphalyxis only to trouble breathing or visible swelling. Anaphylaxis is 2 different body systems displaying a change in status- neurological, GI, skin, respiratory, and/or a severe symptom for 1 body system from a known/likely ingestion.

Your answer should just be it is severe and life-threatening. If she doesnt react to cross contamination or airborne then you can just say that historically cross contamination is not an issue but that handwashing and wiping of surfaces is requested regardless. Circulating histamine levels play a role in the dose required for a reaction. Exercise, overheating, and even hormone levels all raise histamine levels and so only 1/10th teaspoon may be required to have a reaction whereas on a cool day with no increased heart rate only requires 1/20th of a teaspoon.

Adding that if you have been told she must be EPId if she knowingly (or even likely) ingests the food even if she isnt currently displaying symptoms that is severe and warrants additional caution. Someone who has not had a 2 system anaphylaxtic reaction, has not had a biphasic reaction, or reacted to a food from first ingestion (my daughter did all 3 with egg) may not EPI unless they experience symptoms. For my daughter, if she takes egg and eats it off of another kids plate she needs to be EPId and then 911 called regardless of whether she is displaying symptoms.

People want clarity. The problem is also that people dont want to have to be cognizant of basic food practices like washing hands and your kid will likely be excluded from some social events due to it. So if you are covering the bases with severity it can scare people away.

[Anonymous]

You are being overly sensitive. I have a son w/ a life threatening allergy, and I still ask those questions. Depending on the answer, I may not feel comfortable hosting at our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are trying to figure out if they need to do something unusual to keep your kid safe, like wash hands after handling an allergen or perhaps not have you over.

For example we simply do not host my nephew with serious allergies because I cannot make my house safe: we go to the park instead. But we do host kids who have the same allergies, just lesser reactions or parents who are ok with exposure.

The setting does not play to your explanation. This is just playground chatter not that we are going into someone's home.

[Anonymous]

i find it helpful to know what to serve (e.g. if a cookie is made in a place that "may contain nuts"-- can you eat off my baking sheets assuming i cleaned them, etc).

i have celiac which is obviously not as dangerous as what you're describing but i'm incredibly sensitive to cross contamination- so i ask those questions because there are plenty of things i wouldn't eat out of someone's home but then some people with allergies can/will

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"her reactions are considered potentially anaphylactic so she cannot consume any. Airborne exposure is [an issue, not an issue]."

That's all they're trying to find out. I have a kid with complex allergies so I do get feeling sensitive--but at the same time, how much detail do you expect them to ask without it feeling like prying? They're opening the door for you to clarify exactly what the needs are ... which about 100x better than someone being like "yeah yeah gotcha" and not taking it seriously.

My feelings exactly. We are totally willing to accommodate and do extra cleaning precautions and monitor food handling for allergy sufferers and will go above and beyond but I do sort of want to know if I should avoid feeding certain foods vs having to basically needing to autoclave the place if there is a risk of serious anaphylaxis. We do not have an allergy household and I am upfront about that because while we will try, it may be imperfect. I don't want to pry, truly, but I also don't want your child to die on my watch because my dog licked a peanut butter Kong a day ago and came into contact with your child. The people with the "sensitivities" have been ruining this too for the real allergy sufferers.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a natural thing to ask about, but I can understand your sensitivity. If this isn't a necessary disclosure, but just playground chatter, maybe refrain from talking about the medical things with other people.