25% is typical rate of nonconsentual sexual contact women report at US colleges? can someone explain this to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can avoid most of this as a female student if you stay in packs of girlfriends and don't get drunk. This is not victim blaming but it's fairly easy to avoid.

My daughter and friends don't go to frat parties and don't get drunk. For friends they do things like go out to dinner and go to concerts, etc.
None have come close to being assaulted.

I was once slapped (very hard) on the butt by a passing bicyclist when I was on a crowded trail with a girl friend in the middle of the day. Good thing I never got drunk and went to frat parties 🙄

I was groped at a gay bar. I was pretty much the least attractive thing to all the guys in that place, but some men will seize whatever opportunity they can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a father of a daughter, I am deeply concerned about SA in colleges but also confused about girls not reporting. If all this info will be made public, the schools will invest more money and effort to fix it. Forum comments have little to no effect other then making others aware of this situation.
Go and report every single time right away and not 10 years later! This is not ok!

Money doesn’t fix this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can avoid most of this as a female student if you stay in packs of girlfriends and don't get drunk. This is not victim blaming but it's fairly easy to avoid.

My daughter and friends don't go to frat parties and don't get drunk. For friends they do things like go out to dinner and go to concerts, etc.
None have come close to being assaulted.

This is absolutely victim blaming. I sincerely hope your daughter never experiences SA, but the solution is not for women to need a buddy at all times. It's for men to learn to ask for and respect consent.

DP.

I am a dude and I will not walk into some neighborhoods. I will not go some places alone. If I get robbed or beaten, it's not my fault but it is predictable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a father of a daughter, I am deeply concerned about SA in colleges but also confused about girls not reporting. If all this info will be made public, the schools will invest more money and effort to fix it. Forum comments have little to no effect other then making others aware of this situation.
Go and report every single time right away and not 10 years later! This is not ok!

Honestly, I think the punishments are too severe in some cases.
My experience was that I was 18, I invited a man I just met at a party to my room to make out, and he wanted to have sex. I made it clear that I wasn’t interested, and he stopped for a minute and then pretty aggressively put his hand down my pants and put his fingers inside me. I shoved him out of my way, ran out the door of my room, and locked myself in the communal dorm bathroom.

It was confusing at the time. I definitely felt violated. I ended up dropping an honors class that I was in with him and went into the regular section. I wouldn’t go to any parties at the fraternity he belonged to. I couldn’t deal with a man having his fingers inside me for a long time. Maybe 10 years? It was a couple of years after I got married.

At the same time, I wasn’t trying to ruin this man’s life. We were both drinking. He was also very sexually inexperienced. I thought that maybe he thought this was going to turn me on. I still think that might have been true. I remember at the time, I felt bad that I had embarrassed him. As a woman, you are conditioned not to embarrass men about sex.

It would be nice if there were shades of gray. Your choices are: you want this man kicked out of school and locked in prison, or everything is fine. There is nothing in between.

What he did was wrong and I agree that it is a hard decision to take. However, what happened affected your life. He might have misunderstood the signs. He was drunk then but he was sober the next day. He should have come to check, admit the wrong doing and apologize. At least he could have done that.

You know, I think that if there had been a punishment where he had to write a letter to the RA apologizing for his behavior before he could come back in the dorm, I probably would have reported it.

I will say that every other man or boy I have been with has stopped when I wanted to stop. I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with men. This is probably why I didn’t see any danger in having a strange boy I didn’t know alone in my room with me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a father of a daughter, I am deeply concerned about SA in colleges but also confused about girls not reporting. If all this info will be made public, the schools will invest more money and effort to fix it. Forum comments have little to no effect other then making others aware of this situation.
Go and report every single time right away and not 10 years later! This is not ok!

Honestly, I think the punishments are too severe in some cases.
My experience was that I was 18, I invited a man I just met at a party to my room to make out, and he wanted to have sex. I made it clear that I wasn’t interested, and he stopped for a minute and then pretty aggressively put his hand down my pants and put his fingers inside me. I shoved him out of my way, ran out the door of my room, and locked myself in the communal dorm bathroom.

It was confusing at the time. I definitely felt violated. I ended up dropping an honors class that I was in with him and went into the regular section. I wouldn’t go to any parties at the fraternity he belonged to. I couldn’t deal with a man having his fingers inside me for a long time. Maybe 10 years? It was a couple of years after I got married.

At the same time, I wasn’t trying to ruin this man’s life. We were both drinking. He was also very sexually inexperienced. I thought that maybe he thought this was going to turn me on. I still think that might have been true. I remember at the time, I felt bad that I had embarrassed him. As a woman, you are conditioned not to embarrass men about sex.

It would be nice if there were shades of gray. Your choices are: you want this man kicked out of school and locked in prison, or everything is fine. There is nothing in between.

What he did was wrong and I agree that it is a hard decision to take. However, what happened affected your life. He might have misunderstood the signs. He was drunk then but he was sober the next day. He should have come to check, admit the wrong doing and apologize. At least he could have done that.

DP: That was 100% sexual assault. What we need to be exploring is why so mnay would give him a pass for something that has caused long lasting trauma for her. It's OK for her life to be long term impacted, but not his?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can avoid most of this as a female student if you stay in packs of girlfriends and don't get drunk. This is not victim blaming but it's fairly easy to avoid.

My daughter and friends don't go to frat parties and don't get drunk. For friends they do things like go out to dinner and go to concerts, etc.
None have come close to being assaulted.

This is absolutely victim blaming. I sincerely hope your daughter never experiences SA, but the solution is not for women to need a buddy at all times. It's for men to learn to ask for and respect consent.

DP.

I am a dude and I will not walk into some neighborhoods. I will not go some places alone. If I get robbed or beaten, it's not my fault but it is predictable.

Stupid analogy. But you will go to a bar. You will go to a parking garage. You will got to a party. You will do laundry in college. You will have a glass of wine. You will walk at night. Your worries are not a woman's worries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can avoid most of this as a female student if you stay in packs of girlfriends and don't get drunk. This is not victim blaming but it's fairly easy to avoid.

My daughter and friends don't go to frat parties and don't get drunk. For friends they do things like go out to dinner and go to concerts, etc.
None have come close to being assaulted.

This is absolutely victim blaming. I sincerely hope your daughter never experiences SA, but the solution is not for women to need a buddy at all times. It's for men to learn to ask for and respect consent.

DP.

I am a dude and I will not walk into some neighborhoods. I will not go some places alone. If I get robbed or beaten, it's not my fault but it is predictable.

Sexual assault in what should be safe places should not be predictable. You are simply saying it is inevitable, and therefor acceptable. You are saying "boys will be boys (erm, sex offenders)", so it is a girl's job to know it, expect it anywhere, and stay away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems horrifically high. Or am I clueless? And cornell is particularly bad? What?

I think it’s much higher. I don’t know many women who *haven’t* had nonconsensual sexual contact.

It’s from a survey. 1 in 4 women reported nonconsensual contact as part of a survey.

https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/freshman-year/one-4-college-women-report-unwanted-sexual-contact-survey-n431086

[Anonymous]

Will the world ever be safe for women?

[Anonymous]

Even at a school that would never be considered a party school, I’ve heard a story of a prospective student being sexually assaulted by a fraternity brother while visiting the college during admitted students day. They decided to go to a frat party with other admitted students after a day of programming, got blackout drunk, and this happened. These awful things happen everywhere, even where we least expect it.

[Anonymous]

Most of SAs happens when people are drunk. Most of these incidents happens at fraternities/sororities parties. Just wondering why are these not banned from colleges? Or at least why colleges don't monitor their activity better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of SAs happens when people are drunk. Most of these incidents happens at fraternities/sororities parties. Just wondering why are these not banned from colleges? Or at least why colleges don't monitor their activity better.

Most college disaffiliate from Greek life orgs to absolve themselves of any blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of SAs happens when people are drunk. Most of these incidents happens at fraternities/sororities parties. Just wondering why are these not banned from colleges? Or at least why colleges don't monitor their activity better.

Wait, what? This happens at frat parties only? My friend, it happens in bars, public transportation, dorms, gyms, everywhere. Wake up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of SAs happens when people are drunk. Most of these incidents happens at fraternities/sororities parties. Just wondering why are these not banned from colleges? Or at least why colleges don't monitor their activity better.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One word: men.

It is horrifically high, yes. We need to do better.

Women do sexually assault women. Men do sexually assault other men too. There are victims on both sides, and obviously there are far more cases of men assaulting women but I personally know men who have been assaulted and don't report because there is an additional shame that they hold because some ignorant people won't believe men because they don't understand how they can be SA'ed too.

Please do better than saying one word "men".

+1