25% is typical rate of nonconsentual sexual contact women report at US colleges? can someone explain this to me

[Anonymous]

One word: men.

It is horrifically high, yes. We need to do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One word: men.

It is horrifically high, yes. We need to do better.

Women do sexually assault women. Men do sexually assault other men too. There are victims on both sides, and obviously there are far more cases of men assaulting women but I personally know men who have been assaulted and don't report because there is an additional shame that they hold because some ignorant people won't believe men because they don't understand how they can be SA'ed too.

Please do better than saying one word "men".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my day 30 years ago it was also the general number used.

The problematic part is that there's no clear consensus on what sexual assault is in these self reported surveys. It ranges from violent rape to a body brushing against you at a party. And making it more complicated is that there's plenty of "going along" because you didnt have the strength or confidence to say no, and then later saying it was assault. That's why these situations are so hard to both prosecute and verify and ends up being he said / she said situations.

I remember when my college rolled out a policy asking everyone to explicitly ask for consensus practically every minute during a romantic encounter. It applied both ways.

yes my son's HS has a whole program they run in 10th grade about communicating about sex, consent, mutual respect, and communicating about boundaries. while it has its awkward moments, the feedback has been great and I feel like it normalizes checking in and communicating directly during dating, hookups and party flirting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One word: men.

It is horrifically high, yes. We need to do better.

Women do sexually assault women. Men do sexually assault other men too. There are victims on both sides, and obviously there are far more cases of men assaulting women but I personally know men who have been assaulted and don't report because there is an additional shame that they hold because some ignorant people won't believe men because they don't understand how they can be SA'ed too.

Please do better than saying one word "men".

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It includes any type of contract, so inappropriate touching like a butt slap or brushing against someone also counts.

Non penetrative is 13%, penetrative is 25%.

It counts but it’s not counted in the 25%

[Anonymous]

I wish every person was required to read Missoula by Jonathan Krakauer prior to going to college. It shines a light on how many bad things happen and the criticality of consent.

I was incredibly lucky not to have an SA experience in college—suspect because I didn’t drink much and am very strong. My daughters have not been as fortunate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a father of a daughter, I am deeply concerned about SA in colleges but also confused about girls not reporting. If all this info will be made public, the schools will invest more money and effort to fix it. Forum comments have little to no effect other then making others aware of this situation.
Go and report every single time right away and not 10 years later! This is not ok!

Honestly, I think the punishments are too severe in some cases.
My experience was that I was 18, I invited a man I just met at a party to my room to make out, and he wanted to have sex. I made it clear that I wasn’t interested, and he stopped for a minute and then pretty aggressively put his hand down my pants and put his fingers inside me. I shoved him out of my way, ran out the door of my room, and locked myself in the communal dorm bathroom.

It was confusing at the time. I definitely felt violated. I ended up dropping an honors class that I was in with him and went into the regular section. I wouldn’t go to any parties at the fraternity he belonged to. I couldn’t deal with a man having his fingers inside me for a long time. Maybe 10 years? It was a couple of years after I got married.

At the same time, I wasn’t trying to ruin this man’s life. We were both drinking. He was also very sexually inexperienced. I thought that maybe he thought this was going to turn me on. I still think that might have been true. I remember at the time, I felt bad that I had embarrassed him. As a woman, you are conditioned not to embarrass men about sex.

It would be nice if there were shades of gray. Your choices are: you want this man kicked out of school and locked in prison, or everything is fine. There is nothing in between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can avoid most of this as a female student if you stay in packs of girlfriends and don't get drunk. This is not victim blaming but it's fairly easy to avoid.

My daughter and friends don't go to frat parties and don't get drunk. For friends they do things like go out to dinner and go to concerts, etc.
None have come close to being assaulted.

I was once slapped (very hard) on the butt by a passing bicyclist when I was on a crowded trail with a girl friend in the middle of the day. Good thing I never got drunk and went to frat parties 🙄

[Anonymous]

That stat sounds low to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems horrifically high. Or am I clueless? And cornell is particularly bad? What?

Nonconsensual contact? 25% doesn't sound high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a father of a daughter, I am deeply concerned about SA in colleges but also confused about girls not reporting. If all this info will be made public, the schools will invest more money and effort to fix it. Forum comments have little to no effect other then making others aware of this situation.
Go and report every single time right away and not 10 years later! This is not ok!

You are a man. Have you seriosly never seen what happens to women who report?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a father of a daughter, I am deeply concerned about SA in colleges but also confused about girls not reporting. If all this info will be made public, the schools will invest more money and effort to fix it. Forum comments have little to no effect other then making others aware of this situation.
Go and report every single time right away and not 10 years later! This is not ok!

Honestly, I think the punishments are too severe in some cases.
My experience was that I was 18, I invited a man I just met at a party to my room to make out, and he wanted to have sex. I made it clear that I wasn’t interested, and he stopped for a minute and then pretty aggressively put his hand down my pants and put his fingers inside me. I shoved him out of my way, ran out the door of my room, and locked myself in the communal dorm bathroom.

It was confusing at the time. I definitely felt violated. I ended up dropping an honors class that I was in with him and went into the regular section. I wouldn’t go to any parties at the fraternity he belonged to. I couldn’t deal with a man having his fingers inside me for a long time. Maybe 10 years? It was a couple of years after I got married.

At the same time, I wasn’t trying to ruin this man’s life. We were both drinking. He was also very sexually inexperienced. I thought that maybe he thought this was going to turn me on. I still think that might have been true. I remember at the time, I felt bad that I had embarrassed him. As a woman, you are conditioned not to embarrass men about sex.

It would be nice if there were shades of gray. Your choices are: you want this man kicked out of school and locked in prison, or everything is fine. There is nothing in between.

What he did was wrong and I agree that it is a hard decision to take. However, what happened affected your life. He might have misunderstood the signs. He was drunk then but he was sober the next day. He should have come to check, admit the wrong doing and apologize. At least he could have done that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can avoid most of this as a female student if you stay in packs of girlfriends and don't get drunk. This is not victim blaming but it's fairly easy to avoid.

My daughter and friends don't go to frat parties and don't get drunk. For friends they do things like go out to dinner and go to concerts, etc.
None have come close to being assaulted.

Obviously, if women live alone and never leave the house, nothing bad will happen. It's a man's world. Women who venture into it are asking for it, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you cite the source? Assuming the definition is a low bar, I’d be inclined to believe it. Hopefully the stats for actual rape would be lower.

A low bar???? Is grabbing a P through clothes SA to you? Is being pushed up against a wall and forcibly kissed SA? Both of those things happened to me when I was 15-22. Had a guy block a door and not let me leave until I gave his friend a BJ? I was 16. Is that SA? Is waking up with only socks on and no recollection of how you got there SA?

I didn't report any of these things. I didn't even know they were SA until I was much older. They are all definitely not ok.

That's not sexual assault. In a lot of places, being intimidated into performing sexual acts is rape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The teen girls of today will not tolerate this. It’ll be an effing riot. They hold boys accountable and do not tolerate a boys will be boys attitude from anyone.

I wish that were more true than you think it is.