Male Loneliness Epidemic
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Anonymous
I'm a divorced man, and I hate to sound pathetic, but I have no friends at all. Sure, I have coworkers that I can talk to at work and I can go to the local bar and chat with a few people but that's it. |
Anonymous
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https://www.instagram.com/p/DXVcRIWgnBX/
Also, the comments nailed it. Some of the comments: "The "male loneliness epidemic" is men depriving themselves of joy to impress other men depriving themselves of joy and then blaming their lack of joy on women who weren't even invited in the first place." "Anything but effort." "Men used to not have this problem. Let’s think about what has changed. Maybe it’s the time spent gaming and isolating yourself." "I heard men say “I don’t wanna approach her because I don’t want her to see me as a creep”… then don’t be creepy and leave if she asks you to " "TO THE MEN COMPLAINING ABOUT BEING LUMPED TOGETHER INTO THE "ALL MEN" BUCKET --- GO HOLD THOSE MEN WHO GIVE YOUR GENDER A BAD REP ACCOUNTABLE! women aren't happy that by default we have to assume you're all shit, it's putting us on edge constantly, but we're not psychic, we can't tell whether you're a good one or not, so we have to assume the worst! so help us hold those who give your gender a bad rep responsible and we're ALL better off!" "Interesting how a lot of young women are experiencing the same problems of loneliness and struggling to make friends, but no one's labeled it Human Loneliness Epidemic. Men are suffering so it has to be an epidemic for them. Also, women may struggle with this but at least we're out there trying to do something about it, as difficult as it may be." |
Anonymous
Go ahead and explain how I am supposed to make random men that I don’t even know accountable for anything at all? Do you also expect law abiding black people to be responsible for black criminals? I think your logic is bigoted and flawed. If the men are so isolated then how am I supposed to contact them and why would they listen to me at all? |
Anonymous
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Female loneliness is basically the same rate as male so all of this gender based bigotry here in this thread is blatant ignorance.
https://pure.manchester.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/135977571/EJP_Gender_Postprint_AAM.pdf |
Anonymous
| Mine probably sees his friends socially about once per month if you don’t include family get togethers where it’s like a play date with some socializing. We have little kids and are early 40s. |
Anonymous
What's your plan for trying to change this? |
Anonymous
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DH and I have been married for 35 years and both of us are 60. My DH and I, both of us are social introverts.
My DH is an engineer. Quite a bit of a bookworm and a nerd, who enjoys his work. He has made a conscious effort through introspection, discussion and generally educating himself over the years, to create for himself a good routine and ecosystem for companionship (outside of our family) and support. In other words, over the years, he and I have discussed & debated about all the people we meet and know and made an effort to know and engage with people. Then, we also, have instituted and accepted that with some people we can have close friendships and with others we have transactional friendships. In all our interactions - friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, kidd friends neighbors, church groups, hobby groups, college friends - we have tried to be helpful, compassionate, reciprocal and welcoming. Very early in our marriage, DH had remarked that the duration of real time we spend with anyone is very small. Be it family, ILs, friends, strangers etc. So, on our part, we just try and be kind, fair and polite in every interaction as we live through it. My DH does have friends - from college, from work etc. He plays more of a mentor role for other men in his life. However, his closest friend, ally, companion, love interest and debate partner is me. By and large, he is a happy person by himself and he spreads positivity everywhere. I really admire and respect him because he has immense capacity to love people and he is exceptionally empathic and generous. He is actually a very beloved person among our friends circle and I think mainly it is because he is very low key, wise, brilliant, curious, informed, chill, reliable, discreet, humble person he does not carry any emotional baggage. |
Anonymous
| A lot of DH's friends from the past were just drinking buddies. So, when he grew up and stopped drinking, he didn't have much in common with them anymore. Some of them turned out to be crappy people with a lot of personal and financial problems. Good riddance. |
Anonymous
| My wife dislikes my friends and her friends have husbands that I see and talk to, but would not consider them friends. In most cases, I would rather spend time with my kids than any of my acquaintances and my friends live too far away to easily hang out. If there is a major issue, we call for advice, but we don’t call to hear or share regular daily life updates. |
Anonymous
But do you want some? |
Anonymous
Aaaalll of this. I spent years winnowing out his furniture, clothes, and friends. Zero regrets. |
Anonymous
| My husband has more friends than me at this point and I am more extroverted than he is. He holds with about 10 different guys every week and does golf trips with them. I know a lot of people, but don't get together with many anymore. |
Anonymous
| ^"golfs" not " holds"...ugh, autocorrect. |
Anonymous
| You just never have friends like the ones you grow up with. All but 2 of my friends I grew up with and I talk to some a lot and others not for years. Time is no separation I could call the ones I haven't talked to for help and they would be on the next plane. |
Anonymous
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My spouse had a lot of drinking friends from work.
Now they don't drink, so have to find a new social life. Finding more friends through hobbies and AA to be honest. |