Male Loneliness Epidemic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of DHs mine included that don't have friends and don't want any. He says hes not lonely. So you can't assume all men are lonely like that.

My DH, too. Work and family. He had a pretty decent sized friend group before we got married, but as family responsibilities increased over the years, they gradually fell away.

All the friendless guys watching MAGA podcasts cla they are fine. Lonely men always end up with mental health issues.

That's stupid and you sound moronic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of DHs mine included that don't have friends and don't want any. He says hes not lonely. So you can't assume all men are lonely like that.

My DH, too. Work and family. He had a pretty decent sized friend group before we got married, but as family responsibilities increased over the years, they gradually fell away.

+1

And if his wife leaves such a man, he’s not only isolated, but also loses his identity as husband and family man.

[Anonymous]

My husband has friends mostly via me and via golf but he doesn't go deep with any of them minus one friend who has very high EQ. Dh is happy, though, and gets enough interaction through work and family. He'd much rather watch a Sci-Fi movie than spend time with a bunch of guys. He's not lonely but I do think there's a loneliness epidemic in the US--men and women.

[Anonymous]

DH has more close friends than I do and sees them more often. It is actually a problem for me as he would choose friends over family in most circumstances.

[Anonymous]

My husband is a pretty nerdy, smart guy who makes deep friendships. He's not a bro--i.e. he doesn't know the dad first bump handshake at the school gatherings.

He has a college group of 6 that he's seen every year for 30 yrs.
A close friend in the neighborhood that he hangs out with every few weeks and gets coffee with, goes dog walking, etc. They mostly talk work stuff.
A book club of other dads that he sees monthly.
About a dozen other friends that live elsewhere that he talks to from every month to twice a year.
A BIL that he's close to.

He was the best man in about 10 weddings. Again, he makes deep friendships but he's not the golfing, sports, bbq bro. We have a college aged son who is a total bro which we both think is funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a pretty nerdy, smart guy who makes deep friendships. He's not a bro--i.e. he doesn't know the dad first bump handshake at the school gatherings.

He has a college group of 6 that he's seen every year for 30 yrs.
A close friend in the neighborhood that he hangs out with every few weeks and gets coffee with, goes dog walking, etc. They mostly talk work stuff.
A book club of other dads that he sees monthly.
About a dozen other friends that live elsewhere that he talks to from every month to twice a year.
A BIL that he's close to.

He was the best man in about 10 weddings. Again, he makes deep friendships but he's not the golfing, sports, bbq bro. We have a college aged son who is a total bro which we both think is funny.

Your husband sounds like he's the DND dungeon master. That game has saved a lot of male shut-ins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a pretty nerdy, smart guy who makes deep friendships. He's not a bro--i.e. he doesn't know the dad first bump handshake at the school gatherings.

He has a college group of 6 that he's seen every year for 30 yrs.
A close friend in the neighborhood that he hangs out with every few weeks and gets coffee with, goes dog walking, etc. They mostly talk work stuff.
A book club of other dads that he sees monthly.
About a dozen other friends that live elsewhere that he talks to from every month to twice a year.
A BIL that he's close to.

He was the best man in about 10 weddings. Again, he makes deep friendships but he's not the golfing, sports, bbq bro. We have a college aged son who is a total bro which we both think is funny.

Your husband sounds like he's the DND dungeon master. That game has saved a lot of male shut-ins.

Lol. Not that nerdy--has never played DND or even any video games in his life. Just not the fist-bump bro type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and son are on the spectrum, and this is why they don't have close friends, and what friends they have, they are content to see them rarely.

But neurotypical men? All my friends' husbands have lots of friends and see them pretty often, except the ones far away.

Draw the correct conclusion, OP.

Why did you marry someone on the spectrum?

I’m curious as to why any woman would choose to do this. Is he really wealthy? Or did you think your own chances of finding a quality husband were too low?

I just can’t fathom why any woman would do this, except for maybe they’re overweight or unattractive or had no better prospects.


How did this happen?

DP wondering what you think being on the spectrum means. Often these individuals have greater empathy than neurotypicals. They are often more honest. They have great feeling, they just show it differently.

I say this with respect and good intention: you might benefit from meet more neurodivergent people.

Blurting out your personal opinion, based only on your own experiences, is not “honesty” nor “empathy.”

Honesty is telling the truth or fact about something, layered with judgement on how to say it and when or not at all.

Empathy is the ability to hold two or more different views on a subject and understand they are different and how, and then act accordingly. So assuming XYZ about someone when you see ABC happen, and you try to understand why, even if you disagree or would have handled it totally differently. You seek understanding of them. Then act and talk accordingly.
It is not being emotional or sympathizing. Lots of people have formulaic reasons for behaving sad, when they think the socially acceptable thing to do is act very sad.

PP, gently repeating that you might benefit from getting to know more neurodivergent people. There’s room for you to be surprised.

Have a good one.

[Anonymous]

I work with the elderly and trust me there is no shortage of elderly men and women who have almost zero support from anyone. And it has nothing to do with being anti social/victim blaming. It’s a structural problem caused by our youth worshiping, individualist and consumerist culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of DHs mine included that don't have friends and don't want any. He says hes not lonely. So you can't assume all men are lonely like that.

My DH, too. Work and family. He had a pretty decent sized friend group before we got married, but as family responsibilities increased over the years, they gradually fell away.

All the friendless guys watching MAGA podcasts cla they are fine. Lonely men always end up with mental health issues.

Trump exploited and monetized the loneliness epidemic. He made a bunch of very lonely people feel like they were a part of something important, and that they were in it together. Meanwhile they became ever more alienated from their own communities and families.

It’s interesting that you would make this a political issue.

Biden’s surgeon general made loneliness an important part of his message. His talks on the topics are great. This is a problem for all sectors of society, irrespective of beliefs.

[Anonymous]

It's happening with young peopel too, probably related to them having part of their high school years at home due to Covid. Going out with friends is less common among people in theri 20s, and the nightlife and alcohol industries are down because of it.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't, but recently, he has started to spend time with a couple husbands of my friends. It feels like we are essentially setting up friend playdates for our husbands. They are all recently retired and don't have friends, or at least not local friends.

The guys are starting to initiate some get- togethers on their own, so that is encouraging.

OTOH, our son (23) has a great group of friends, most going back to elementary school, and spends a lot of time with them in addition to his girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't, but recently, he has started to spend time with a couple husbands of my friends. It feels like we are essentially setting up friend playdates for our husbands. They are all recently retired and don't have friends, or at least not local friends.

The guys are starting to initiate some get- togethers on their own, so that is encouraging.

OTOH, our son (23) has a great group of friends, most going back to elementary school, and spends a lot of time with them in addition to his girlfriend.

Is there some reason why all of your friendships are based on gender? Why are so many supposedly educated and liberal people so blind to this obvious hypocrisy?

[Anonymous]

My DH has a lot of acquaintances that he sees through his hobbies, but I'd bet he doesn't know half their names.

[Anonymous]

I’m a guy, have one good friend I’ve known since I was five, although he’s in a different country. Not much going on here, some acquaintances but rarely see any. I find most people annoying or tedious after a little while so I generally keep to myself. That may be because I’m annoying or tedious, not sure. But if I’m in a social situation I’m usually counting down to when I can leave. Maybe it’s inherent in the gender since there are several species where males live solitary lifestyles.