Rigid parents in this area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is quite a social butterfly, while I am not. While he was little, sure, I organized playdates, joined the PTA, carpooled, obviously drove him everywhere. But I really hoped once he'd got older, I wouldn't have to deal with other parents, their drama, rigidity, rules, so I raised a pretty independent boy. He is not afraid to use public transportation, he flies across the country by himself to see his grandparents. When other parents hear about this, they openly judge me, they take pride that their children don't know how to buy a bus ticket, and they drive them everywhere. They are 16-17 yo! They go everywhere with them, it's insane. Most recently I had a Mom scold me because my DS took an uber from a friend's party (he is getting a car this summer). Apparently, I should've come to pick him up, but I was home sick with a stomach bug. I know, I should've kept my cool, but I told her it was none of her business. She was aghast and I hung up on her. She then proceeded to text other parents, word got around, and I got a few messages about "safety".

How flexible are you with your teens? When do you expect to let it go?

Yeah. Im that mom.
We’re very flexible with our two teens. Who each have cars. Zero issues.

However, I don’t concern myself w how others rear their kids.

[Anonymous]

I don’t believe op either. Some people seek drama and victimhood, and I’m guessing OP is that person. To answer the question, my teens ride the city bus and use uber teen and have curfews and an allowance to cover their social lives. I don’t feel judged for the independence they have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: to the PP who grew up in neglect - sorry your Mom didn't go trick or treating with you, let alone didn't move you into the dorms. No joke, it's just irresponsible. My DS stopped trick or treating when he was 12, he now stays home and gives out candy, but I always went with him and his friends. And I go with him on college tours. I can't imagine NOT moving him into the dorms.

I do, however, want to stress the need for independence among today's teenagers, and just let it ago. Let them make their own plans, don't drive them everywhere. It teaches responsibility. So they will take a bus if they don't own a car. Or an uber. Or ride a bike. But to call another parent and scold them for "not picking up your child", especially if that parent is ill, is rude, unnecessary, and ridiculous. If she expected me to apologize and go "yes, Ma'am, I will do better", well, she was wrong.

I have a 17 year old. A lot of this is contextually dependent, especially in the DC area. When we lived in DC, it was fine for DC to walk and take public transit. Now we live in Potomac and public transit is mostly a non-starter except for some pretty basic bus routes, and driving is more of a minefield because kids aren't driving from Tenleytown to a garage in Shaw in city traffic (alone, with friends, or in Ubers), instead they're driving on 270 or the ICC and that's a totally different ballgame. Where do you live and do your kids' friends live in the same neighborhood (meaning is this a public or private school situation)?

It sounds like your heated phone call was a bunch of things rolled into one. It's rude to criticize another parent, but also kind of crazy to hang up on someone. Is it possible their child isn't allowed to Uber and yours is and that's where the conflict is? Is their child a girl?

While I do know lots of overprotective parents (17 and still not allowed to get a permit) I also know ones who tout independence but have virtually no boundaries and it's in the name of abdication of responsibility. There's gray zones, too.

Your kid is 17 and can’t even get a permit? What’s wrong with your kid?

My 17 year old has a license and drives regularly. I was implying that I've seen this in other families. That's what the info in the parentheses expands on after I said "I know lot of...". But thanks for your rude, uninformed comment! I agree it's overprotective but wouldn't be such a jerk about it.

[Anonymous]

OP…I have to believe the kid who’s mom
Called you was mercilessly mocked.

It’s embarrassing enough for a 17 year old’s mom to call another mom to scold them on much of anything but to also say their own kid is treated like an infant…that’s another level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP…I have to believe the kid who’s mom
Called you was mercilessly mocked.

It’s embarrassing enough for a 17 year old’s mom to call another mom to scold them on much of anything but to also say their own kid is treated like an infant…that’s another level.

Well, what did she expect I'do? Start apologizing for being ill or for trusting my 17yo rising Senior to make good decisions and not walk home for 5 miles in the dark, but call an Uber?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP…I have to believe the kid who’s mom
Called you was mercilessly mocked.

It’s embarrassing enough for a 17 year old’s mom to call another mom to scold them on much of anything but to also say their own kid is treated like an infant…that’s another level.

Well, what did she expect I'do? Start apologizing for being ill or for trusting my 17yo rising Senior to make good decisions and not walk home for 5 miles in the dark, but call an Uber?

Get off here and go get them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where on earth do you live? My middle schooler and his classmates take public transportation to and from school and around the city. I wish they’d take it to museums, but of course they’re not doing that.

OP: Falls Church. He takes metro, buses, Ubers. Our school is within a walking distance, so no need for a car. Once he moves to college, sure, I can get him one.

Bad plan as he needs driving experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uber driver cars smell like weed a lot.

I avoid them, as does my 19 year old DS.

+1 Even with food delivery services I have occasionally received an order that smells like weed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where on earth do you live? My middle schooler and his classmates take public transportation to and from school and around the city. I wish they’d take it to museums, but of course they’re not doing that.

OP: Falls Church. He takes metro, buses, Ubers. Our school is within a walking distance, so no need for a car. Once he moves to college, sure, I can get him one.

Bad plan as he needs driving experience.

He has driving experience, he just doesn't have his own car.

[Anonymous]

This is not my experience at all. We live in Alexandria and our kids who are ages 13-16 ride bikes to friends’ houses, take the city bus home often from school or sports and occasionally metro into DC with friends. This is true of their entire friend groups. They take an occasional uber when logistics don’t work and once when one was at a party and didn’t like what was going down (and we praised the hell out of him because we thought it was a mature and safe choice). We habe friends in DC and their kids are metroing all over. So I don’t know what’s going on where you live OP, but it’s not applicable everywhere in the dmv for sure. Compared to my friends in other parts of the country (mostly more suburban), our kids are much more independent and getting themselves around

[Anonymous]

I think you are fine in the parenting department, OP. I wish a Karen would try me like that…Some parents are extremely entitled and annoying. It’s almost as if they think they have agency over other people’s children in their little twisted minds. They should just come down off those self-righteous thrones and realize we as parents should stick together and support each other.