Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am 34 years into a great marriage and what makes mine work is two things: shared values (including about money) and that we're genuinely nice to each other all the time.
Not quite as deep as you, but agree with these points broadly. My husband and I have always agreed on the following:
1. Family is the most important thing.
2. He leads the family.
3. We make unique contributions to the family. For instance, we don't "split" chores. I do laundry. He does repairs. I do the checkbook and he handles investments. Our work is complementary.
4. All resources, including money, belong to the family. We don't have rules about what to discuss, but we have never fought over money. It helps that we make a comfortable living, but we are by no means loaded. Because the family comes first, we know what we prioritize in terms of family resources.
5. We communicate well. If there is a disagreement, I defer to him. He is almost always right and has much better judgment than I.
6. I get to pick vacations. He doesn't care much.
7. It helps that he's attractive and personable. If I died tomorrow, women would clamor for him. I still can't believe he chose me. Attraction comes at a price because those guys get their pick of the litter, so to speak.
8. Related to #7, I made a choice when we got serious that his job came first. I would have thrown my career away for him, if he had asked. It didn't come to that, but prioritizing our relationship is the best decision I've ever made. All the best things in my life followed that decision, and I'd make it again tomorrow, if I could. The only thing I asked from him was serious commitment, and he proposed six month after we started dating. That's unusual in our circles, but he was serious about family, too. That's been the core shared value. See #1.
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