Reward for DD & Punishment for DS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He usually does listen to our daughter and knew what expectations were, he did fine last time we left for five days. Another problem is that since he’d spend longer on devices, he wouldn’t get up and get ready for school on time, affecting them. Our daughter took the devices away by the end so when we came back, at 3pm on day four, things were better. She wouldn’t let him get on the electronics, and he would constantly ask her about it.

Next time you leave, take his devices with you, problem solved. But why are you leaving your kids for several days multiple times? That is odd

Family and work obligations. Kids have school, so they can’t come. We don’t pay our daughter, but we do want to reward her for handling our sons misbehavior well.

You should pay her. Normally I'm in the "family just helps each outher out" camp, but you're using her to parent your kids quite a bit. That's asking a lot and she doesn't just have one slightly younger sibling to care for. Pretty bad parenting.

She isn’t really responsible for actively parenting anyone, our kids aren’t young. The kids all wake up and get themselves ready for school. Our daughter either walks or drives our 11 year old to school, depending on the day and weather. After that, she comes home, gets herself ready, and the rest of the kids head out on their own. They’re all pretty independent—handling their routines, school, activities, and practices—and they’re home by evening. The teens take care of themselves and go where they need to be without much oversight. Our daughter mainly helps by taking our son to practices or a friend’s house and checking in on the teens around dinner time. For meals, she cooks one night, and the two teens—ages 14 and 15—take turns cooking on the other nights. She also makes breakfast for them every morning.
Her main role is really just keeping an eye on things during the night. We’re trying to figure out a fair way to reward her.

This take is so insane, that I think this must be fake. To imply that doing all that in addition to being a senior in high school (or having a job, or going to college?) is easy is insane. That is so much responsibility. Good for your oldest to be up to the challenge, but seriously, pay the kid.

We don’t pay for chores or if we go out to dinner and my oldest watches the other two, but this is a whole different ball game. If you don’t see that??? I don’t know.

Honestly sounds like your 11 year old acted pretty age appropriately and your oldest handled it great. Pay her, take away his devices and call it a day. Or do none of that because this is all fake???

We’re not gone that often, and our kids aren’t toddlers so they don’t need mom and dad 24/7. They all have age appropriate levels of independence, and this isn’t really hard for my daughter at all. I had much more responsibilities at a much younger age. Kids need responsibilities. Usually, our 11 year old is well behaved, but this time he wasn’t , so we will be taking his electronics away, and trying to figure out how much to pay our daughter.

Taking care of your children for you is not on the list of appropriate responsbilities.