What would you do in this situation

[Anonymous]

OP, you do realize that wedding ceremonies can last over an hour? And it’s not about sitting still. It’s not exactly quality time with the cousins as you sit there quietly. So I’m not sure why you think you’re nine-year-old is going to miss oh so much quality time with his teenage cousins DURING A CEREMONY WHERE THERE IS NO TALKING.
Seriously. He can hang out with the cousins for the 15 to 20 minutes before the ceremony, then dip into the kids room where he can play on his phone the entire time. Once the ceremony is over, he goes back to hanging out with his older cousins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like the OP has a 9 year old that will sit quietly in a church. Bravo for you OP. Some parents would be okay with their 9 year old using a device in the church. Sit in the back of the church with your kid and keep him quiet. It will be okay.

It sounds like the OP *thinks she has* a 9 yo who will sit quietly in a church. Her perception may not mesh with reality.

OP *thinks* she has a nine-year-old who wants to sit quietly through a hour long ceremony.

[Anonymous]

Husband goes to the wedding, you and son go to the birthday party. This is pretty easy, actually. And it doesn't even address the son having to sit out the ceremony, which I agree is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have two events to which we are invited over Memorial Day.

The first one, which we originally planned to go to is a wedding for my husband's side of the family. We got the invitation today with a handwritten note asking that our son hang out in the kids' room during the ceremony. He can come to the reception. My son is 9 not 2. If he were 6 or under I wouldn't have a problem with this but he can sit for 20 minutes and not be disruptive to the ceremony. Ultimately, I know people are entitled to have the wedding they want and I get not wanting kids, but then don't invite them at all. It just rubbed me the wrong way. It rubbed my husband the wrong way too but we don't know what to do about it. I'm not going to say anything. This event is relatively local.

The other event is for my family a 90th birthday party for my dad's cousin. My dad passed away about 7 years ago and this cousin was very close to him. I haven't seen that side of the family in a long time and would like to go. When I realized the events were on the same weekend, I was bummed, but figured there was nothing I could do. With the new information, I/we are reconsidering. This event requires a plane ride or a 10 hour car ride. This side of the family wants to see my son.

What would you do in this situation.

Suck it up and go to the wedding?
Go to the birthday party?
Take my son to the birthday party and have my husband go to the wedding? (I'm pretty sure my husband would say no to this option)

Am I wrong for having this reaction?

Why did you think that? Because you had already RSVP'd to the wedding?

[Anonymous]

Look, it's clear that OP wants to go to the birthday party. It "sounds" as if she already RSVPed to the wedding. Now, she's looking for an excuse to get out of it to do what she'd rather do. If it weren't the party room, it would be something else.

OP, you do realize that wedding ceremonies can last over an hour? And it’s not about sitting still. It’s not exactly quality time with the cousins as you sit there quietly. So I’m not sure why you think you’re nine-year-old is going to miss oh so much quality time with his teenage cousins DURING A CEREMONY WHERE THERE IS NO TALKING

.

I am Catholic. When someone in my family marries another Catholic, they usually have a nuptial mass. These tend to range from 45 minutes to an hour and a half. It's hard for kids--and especially hard for kids who don't regularly attend Catholic services. They start asking questions--they want to know about the vestments--which are unlike any clothes they've seen; why people sit, stand and kneel; what the big words in some of the Scripture readings mean, etc. They are not misbehaving, but their whispered questions and answers become very annoying to the other people around them.

And...it is unlikely you actually know the ages of the other kids who will be in the room. Maybe a friend in her 20s has an 8 year old stepson, for example. You haven't seen the guest list; you are assuming.

You're looking for an excuse--admit it.

[Anonymous]

Here we go again. Let's punish people because you wrongly believe they don't want to see your son.

When will DCUM understand the world doesn't revolve around them AND make peace with it?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your bias is really strong here, and that's ok.

Your kid would be fine in the kid's room. He wants to spend time with his older cousins, which he will get to do at the reception; he CAN'T do that at the ceremony. But he will get the chance to spend time with younger cousins, who might look up to him like he does to his older cousins soon. It sounds like a total win-win, objectively.


Elderly cousins bday party: I agree this is an important event. But if the pull here is that he means something to you and you want to spend time with him, I'd use this as the impetus to schedule a trip to actually spend time with him. A big family party will get you a short conversation or two and an appearance, not actual quality time.

Totally agree with all of this.