What would you do in this situation

[Anonymous]

OP here again.

Let me be clear. My son is the youngest cousin. My husband's cousins' children are teens/adults. Everyone is scattered throughout the country so if they do come, he will not know anyone. He will be stuck with way younger kids in a very weird situation. Yes, he ultimately will be fine, but upset that he can't go sit with his cousins. There was a handwritten note from the bride in the invitation asking us to drop him off in the kids room.

We still haven't decided what to do.

[Anonymous]

Nobody can answer this question, but it sounds like your husband and your son are very close to the immediate family of the person getting married, and, they assume you are going. I think divide and conquer is fine, if you really don't want to miss the 90 year old's birthday party, but, I wouldn't insist your husband change his plans. I agree that it is weird your kid can't sit in the ceremony, but, who cares. At least he is invited and gets to go to the reception. You are taking all this way to personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are 110% sure your son won't make a peep or distraction during the ceremony, I am pretty sure no one will care if he attends it. Just arrive right before it starts and bring him in.

This. I think the couple (do they even know your son?) was trying to be gracious and offer you the kids room thinking it would be cool and fun. They were probably just like, oh, he's a kid, we have a kid's room! At least they are being inclusive by inviting him to the reception and having a space during the ceremony, so they don't seem to have animus against children. If you just bring him in quietly and have him sit down and he doesn't do anything, I seriously doubt anyone will have the temerity to banish him to the kids room.

There's also valid reasons for you to go to the 90th birthday and you can definitely consider that, but not because of this. I really don't think this is personal against your child or you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

Let me be clear. My son is the youngest cousin. My husband's cousins' children are teens/adults. Everyone is scattered throughout the country so if they do come, he will not know anyone. He will be stuck with way younger kids in a very weird situation. Yes, he ultimately will be fine, but upset that he can't go sit with his cousins. There was a handwritten note from the bride in the invitation asking us to drop him off in the kids room.

We still haven't decided what to do.

I wouldn’t go. They obviously hate you and your son. Why would they leave you son out? Family is very important in my culture (Sourh American), and we don’t do weird things like that. Don’t go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

The wedding is the daughter of one of my husband's first cousins. Part of the reason I'm annoyed is that I know my son will want to be with his first cousins(my husband's sibling's kids) who are all teens/young adults. They dote on him and he loves them. My son won't know any kids in the kids room and I suspect that he will be the oldest kid in there. Based on the ages of the bride and groom, (20's) it will be filled with the kids of their friends, who I'm certain are toddlers, if their friends have kids at all.

My husband doesn't like a lot of his family but the one family member he really likes is his aunt, who is the grandmother of the bride. I like the bride's parents a lot. He isn't necessarily itching to go, but his siblings and their kids are going.

Since it is the daughter of a first cousin, could they be thinking he is younger than he is?

[Anonymous]

Don’t bother going to the daughter of a first cousin’s wedding! If your husband isn’t itching to go or won’t go if you don’t attend then this is easy. Go to the 90 year olds birthday. Tell your husband it’s entirely OK if he wants to go to this first cousins child’s wedding without you. If he wants to go, he’ll man up and pack his own underwear and go. If he doesn’t care, he’ll go with you and your son.

[Anonymous]

This just goes to show the parents will never be pleased. The answer is always "hire a sitter to watch the kids" and they did in this case and it's still not good enough.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like the OP has a 9 year old that will sit quietly in a church. Bravo for you OP. Some parents would be okay with their 9 year old using a device in the church. Sit in the back of the church with your kid and keep him quiet. It will be okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

Let me be clear. My son is the youngest cousin. My husband's cousins' children are teens/adults. Everyone is scattered throughout the country so if they do come, he will not know anyone. He will be stuck with way younger kids in a very weird situation. Yes, he ultimately will be fine, but upset that he can't go sit with his cousins. There was a handwritten note from the bride in the invitation asking us to drop him off in the kids room.

We still haven't decided what to do.

He will be upset he can’t be with his cousins for 20 minutes?!! If you take him to the birthday party, that means he doesn’t get to see them at all. Wouldn’t that be more upsetting?

I don’t know why you think this is a weird situation. A nine-year-old should generally have the maturity to understand they need to go with the flow and adapt in certain situations. Especially if it’s only 20 minutes and means that they get to see their beloved cousins for the rest of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have two events to which we are invited over Memorial Day.

The first one, which we originally planned to go to is a wedding for my husband's side of the family. We got the invitation today with a handwritten note asking that our son hang out in the kids' room during the ceremony. He can come to the reception. My son is 9 not 2. If he were 6 or under I wouldn't have a problem with this but he can sit for 20 minutes and not be disruptive to the ceremony. Ultimately, I know people are entitled to have the wedding they want and I get not wanting kids, but then don't invite them at all. It just rubbed me the wrong way. It rubbed my husband the wrong way too but we don't know what to do about it. I'm not going to say anything. This event is relatively local.

The other event is for my family a 90th birthday party for my dad's cousin. My dad passed away about 7 years ago and this cousin was very close to him. I haven't seen that side of the family in a long time and would like to go. When I realized the events were on the same weekend, I was bummed, but figured there was nothing I could do. With the new information, I/we are reconsidering. This event requires a plane ride or a 10 hour car ride. This side of the family wants to see my son.

What would you do in this situation.

Suck it up and go to the wedding?
Go to the birthday party?
Take my son to the birthday party and have my husband go to the wedding? (I'm pretty sure my husband would say no to this option)

Am I wrong for having this reaction?

Husband go to the wedding, you and son go to the reunion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

Let me be clear. My son is the youngest cousin. My husband's cousins' children are teens/adults. Everyone is scattered throughout the country so if they do come, he will not know anyone. He will be stuck with way younger kids in a very weird situation. Yes, he ultimately will be fine, but upset that he can't go sit with his cousins. There was a handwritten note from the bride in the invitation asking us to drop him off in the kids room.

We still haven't decided what to do.

He will be upset he can’t be with his cousins for 20 minutes?!! If you take him to the birthday party, that means he doesn’t get to see them at all. Wouldn’t that be more upsetting?

I don’t know why you think this is a weird situation. A nine-year-old should generally have the maturity to understand they need to go with the flow and adapt in certain situations. Especially if it’s only 20 minutes and means that they get to see their beloved cousins for the rest of the time.

This. OP, you are looking for a reason to do something with your family. Admit it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

Let me be clear. My son is the youngest cousin. My husband's cousins' children are teens/adults. Everyone is scattered throughout the country so if they do come, he will not know anyone. He will be stuck with way younger kids in a very weird situation. Yes, he ultimately will be fine, but upset that he can't go sit with his cousins. There was a handwritten note from the bride in the invitation asking us to drop him off in the kids room.

We still haven't decided what to do.

He will be upset he can’t be with his cousins for 20 minutes?!! If you take him to the birthday party, that means he doesn’t get to see them at all. Wouldn’t that be more upsetting?

I don’t know why you think this is a weird situation. A nine-year-old should generally have the maturity to understand they need to go with the flow and adapt in certain situations. Especially if it’s only 20 minutes and means that they get to see their beloved cousins for the rest of the time.

+1. He will be upset hanging out with some kids having more fun? Than sitting quietly in a church? Most kids would prefer the first option. What exactly is the problem with letting him hang with the kids? I'm struggling to see an issue. OP drew an arbitrary line at 6 but maybe the marrying couple drew the arbitrary line at 10 or 12. It's their call.

[Anonymous]

I think it was an inappropriate ask, but who knows why they did it. Maybe they told other guests not to bring young kids? I'd probably still go to the wedding, but make sure he has something fun to do during the ceremony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

Let me be clear. My son is the youngest cousin. My husband's cousins' children are teens/adults. Everyone is scattered throughout the country so if they do come, he will not know anyone. He will be stuck with way younger kids in a very weird situation. Yes, he ultimately will be fine, but upset that he can't go sit with his cousins. There was a handwritten note from the bride in the invitation asking us to drop him off in the kids room.

We still haven't decided what to do.

He will be upset he can’t be with his cousins for 20 minutes?!! If you take him to the birthday party, that means he doesn’t get to see them at all. Wouldn’t that be more upsetting?

I don’t know why you think this is a weird situation. A nine-year-old should generally have the maturity to understand they need to go with the flow and adapt in certain situations. Especially if it’s only 20 minutes and means that they get to see their beloved cousins for the rest of the time.

This. OP, you are looking for a reason to do something with your family. Admit it.

+1
You are sounding very entitled OP. "but my kid will be bummed". "He'll be the oldest" "His older cousins want to see him" - do you think this young couple has any effs to give about your whiny son's gripes (or rather yours?). They have graciously provided a fun kid space. Your kid would be happier there on a tablet or something. Give it up- you are looking really bad here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it was an inappropriate ask, but who knows why they did it. Maybe they told other guests not to bring young kids? I'd probably still go to the wedding, but make sure he has something fun to do during the ceremony.

I think that's what the kids room is for- they probably have activities and sitters. I think it's fair for OP to send something for her kid as a backup though.