Anxious & mild depression - take seriously or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t get it. We’re all supposed to keep processed foods, unlimited pastas and breads, and juices or sodas available at all times? To not offend overweight or obese growing children or have them temper tantrum against vegetables or healthy meals?

Literally no one is saying that. No one. But making a bagel a forbidden food that a kid has to sneak and forbidding a kid who likes baking from baking is not helping the kid have a healthy relationship with food.

It sounds like nothing was forbidden and the kid would over eat a week’s supply of bagels or muffins in one or two days.
That’s a different issue than what you’re claiming; that a controlling parent starving their kid is at fault for the kid overeating.
Now the kid is unhappy she’s fat. What do you do? You help her make an exercise and eat healthy plan.

DP. Disagree. You first find ways to keep her busy and build up her feelings of self worth. Could be exercise, could be other stuff like art. Focusing solely on diet and exercise is going to backfire if she still feels terrible about herself, or if she feels like she going to disappoint mommy if she slips and eats a cookie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a bunch of thoughts. First of all, I can almost guarantee you that she's getting picked on at school. A kid who already isn't happy or socially comfortable + being a bigger size is going to be in a tough place during the middle school years. And girls can be vicious.

Definitely restrict her time on the computer or a phone if she has one.

I love the idea of her starting art classes. Artsy kids often form their own tribe and aren't so stuck to the typical social mold.

And even though you said her conditioning isn't good -- is she happy enough to go to basketball? I'd praise the heck out of her ... not falsely, but notice everything good that happens and give her positive reinforcement. If she's taller than a lot of kids, is she grabbing rebounds? Is she putting in good effort? Praise whatever you can and let her know that you're proud of her.

A sixth grader who is only “slightly overweight” is likely not getting picked on by peers. Kids do not care about this these days like they used to, nor like their parents still do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t get it. We’re all supposed to keep processed foods, unlimited pastas and breads, and juices or sodas available at all times? To not offend overweight or obese growing children or have them temper tantrum against vegetables or healthy meals?

Literally no one is saying that. No one. But making a bagel a forbidden food that a kid has to sneak and forbidding a kid who likes baking from baking is not helping the kid have a healthy relationship with food.

I need to try that. Several times a week eat a 600 calorie bagel at 4pm, then eat dinner, and see what my weight does.

[Anonymous]

When you say she refuses to do certain activities, what do you mean by that? My kids also refuse to do a bunch of stuff because they would rather be on their screens. Are you talking about complete refusal like you can’t get her to do things? Or just some reluctance on her part?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know about OP but I can easily get my tall 150 pound kid to do all kinds of things. Go to scouts, do their math homework, take a shower, clean their room, write grandma a bday card. Easy peasy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t get it. We’re all supposed to keep processed foods, unlimited pastas and breads, and juices or sodas available at all times? To not offend overweight or obese growing children or have them temper tantrum against vegetables or healthy meals?

Literally no one is saying that. No one. But making a bagel a forbidden food that a kid has to sneak and forbidding a kid who likes baking from baking is not helping the kid have a healthy relationship with food.

I need to try that. Several times a week eat a 600 calorie bagel at 4pm, then eat dinner, and see what my weight does.

Are you a sixth grader?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know about OP but I can easily get my tall 150 pound kid to do all kinds of things. Go to scouts, do their math homework, take a shower, clean their room, write grandma a bday card. Easy peasy!

I mean, bully for you. But your kid probably isn't neurodivergent, anxious, and depressed.

[Anonymous]

I think therapy is a good thing to explore, OP.

My kid did some mindfulness CBT around that age and it was very helpful. And it’s always nice to have someone else to talk to that’s not a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know it’s not the “typical” tween pushback or Debbie downer stuff and a real mental issue?

Our tall and slightly overweight 6th grader chooses to wallow around on her Chromebook or Apple Watch or nothing after school and on weekends, way too much. Her basketball schedule - in which her conditioning has fallen off a cliff- isn’t daily. Her public school is mildly engaging. Her friends are all half a foot shorter than her and do other sports or activities or have local extended family to keep busy.

This year there’s been lots of crying, impulse eating, saying she hates her life, hates her fat body, etc. She has mild adhd from a 4th grade test- that, Asd and impulse eating run with my husband and his side of family. She gets another test in June. The dislikes that too and lashes out. I’m basically a single parent, husband just works and hides away from everyone and everything, or makes things worse.

What are next steps? We go over nutrition, being active, drive her to the ymca, are cutting out carbs and sweets from the entire house. She says No to returning to swimming or trying rowing. She quit soccer and since then got quite out of cardio shape due to overeating and lack of activity.

When exactly is her next neuropsych exam? Can you bump it up?
Definitely keep a logbook of episodes, triggers, dysregulations.

[Anonymous]

Good god, OP's focus on her teen's weight is really concerning. She said in a follow-up post the daughter is 5'6" and 150 pounds, which is a normal BMI. Of course it's hard for a 6th grade girl to be much taller than her peers, and if her mom is telling her she's overweight and restricting her food intake, no wonder she's talking about hating her fat body!

Even if she were overweight, which she is not, the real issue is that this poor girl is lonely, depressed, and struggling, and her dad is absent and her mom is focused on removing carbs and sweets from the house.

Please drop the focus on her weight and attempting to restrict her eating. Ask her questions about what's on her mind and how she's doing in a non-judgmental, curious way and LISTEN. If she wants to do art, get her involved in art activities. Also talk to her pediatrician about what you are observing (about her MENTAL HEALTH), and consider getting her therapy. She needs her mom to support her during a difficult time in her life, not to judge her body and criticize her for eating!!

[Anonymous]

Has she been binge eating after school for the last year or two? And now she wants to do something about that since she feels she’s fat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good god, OP's focus on her teen's weight is really concerning. She said in a follow-up post the daughter is 5'6" and 150 pounds, which is a normal BMI. Of course it's hard for a 6th grade girl to be much taller than her peers, and if her mom is telling her she's overweight and restricting her food intake, no wonder she's talking about hating her fat body!

Even if she were overweight, which she is not, the real issue is that this poor girl is lonely, depressed, and struggling, and her dad is absent and her mom is focused on removing carbs and sweets from the house.

Please drop the focus on her weight and attempting to restrict her eating. Ask her questions about what's on her mind and how she's doing in a non-judgmental, curious way and LISTEN. If she wants to do art, get her involved in art activities. Also talk to her pediatrician about what you are observing (about her MENTAL HEALTH), and consider getting her therapy. She needs her mom to support her during a difficult time in her life, not to judge her body and criticize her for eating!!

Stanford child bmi calculator cites overweight in that figure and percentage.

Ironically as the population as a whole gets fatter and more obese, the same high bmi raw score may look 80th or 85th percentile soon instead of 93rd percentile!