WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If them attending a good college is YOUR dream, you offer to pay. It seems DC’s desire is not that strong.

I think that this is important. My wife still talks about how her education at a small East Coast private was transformative. Our family is on the West Coast. So we are full pay for our DS at an East Coast private in a location that he really wanted at a school that is special for him.

So we passed on the UCs that accepted him. We can pay for all of undergrad, but it gets hazier after that.

But if the difference isn’t really that great for your DS, you might come to a different conclusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok so child is loaded, parents are the kind of wealthy that describes itself as "comfortable," parents are wondering if it's cool for them to not pay for college and retire earlier.

Totally a question of OP's priorities and values, the costs of working (not just financial) and benefits (same.)

Personally I would offer to go 50/50 -- and if DC goes to public flagship, the price difference goes into their grad school/down payment/"life is uncertain you're gonna be glad to have" it fund.

OP.

Thanks for the feedback! Something along those lines is my inclination. Think it’s good for kid to have skin in the game one way or the other.

Agreed. Also I didn't hear you as being selfish, more... trying to get a sense of how to go about thinking about this in a world that doesn't provide much guidance. You want to do right by everyone in your family, and you're trying to be thoughtful about how to do that.

I think the asterisk to my response is to really get clear about the value your family imagines reflected in t20 vs public flagship. I'm not challenging the idea that it could be more valuable, but I would try to get clear on what kind of value, why, what's that about. Social capital? Financial ROI? Quality of experience?

And at the same time, think very concretely about retirement and how your choices reflect the same/different values.

These are great conversations to be having.

OP here.

Thanks for the thoughtful and kind feedback. You perfectly capture the factors that we’re trying to take into account.

As for your asterisk, the value that kid puts on a few of the T20 schools is quality of experience along with a dose of FOMO (what if I miss out on opportunities by not attending?).

For our part, we simply want them to find their way to a happy and productive life and don’t care where they attend school if it helps them achieve their goals.

Appreciate the help in framing this.

Don’t underestimate FOMO.

My DS really liked a more inexpensive school but said that if he went there, he’d be thinking why he didn’t choose the more expensive one that he really preferred in about 2 weeks.

[Anonymous]

I would pay none. Your leftover assets will flow to the kid and they have a guaranteed income stream to pay back any choices they make before that. They also should have a contributing spouse or partner at some point.

Your kid is now basically setup like a middle class retiree. They need to make their own choices about the best school for them based on their expected wealth level. That might still be the flagship.

I'm assuming you only have one kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand someone wealthy not paying for college and graduate school. You hurt your child by not saving as they cannot get financial aid due to your income.

This particular kid can’t get FA due to his own personal assets, which are extensive. His parents could be indigent, he still wouldn’t get any aid from the school. In that situation, I don’t think the parents have any obligation to pay.

[Anonymous]

I sort of had a similar situation. I was accepted into some fancy private schools but I had a full ride to UVA (I actually made money with scholarships). My parents said they’d give me 10k (this was 20 years ago) and a brand new car if I chose the flagship. I chose UVA and had an incredible college experience. I was able to use my inheritance from my grandpa on grad school.

Free is free and money is fungible. I would choose the free option again. I had a very nice down payment on my forever home at 27 due to it. Besides that, I loved the big school experience. It fit me very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sort of had a similar situation. I was accepted into some fancy private schools but I had a full ride to UVA (I actually made money with scholarships). My parents said they’d give me 10k (this was 20 years ago) and a brand new car if I chose the flagship. I chose UVA and had an incredible college experience. I was able to use my inheritance from my grandpa on grad school.

Free is free and money is fungible. I would choose the free option again. I had a very nice down payment on my forever home at 27 due to it. Besides that, I loved the big school experience. It fit me very well.

Oh and my parents wouldn’t put any money down if I chose private. My inheritance would have covered it.

[Anonymous]

I would delay retirement by 1-2 years to help my kid pay for education, but I like my job. If you hate your job, I understand why your answer might be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand someone wealthy not paying for college and graduate school. You hurt your child by not saving as they cannot get financial aid due to your income.

This particular kid can’t get FA due to his own personal assets, which are extensive. His parents could be indigent, he still wouldn’t get any aid from the school. In that situation, I don’t think the parents have any obligation to pay.

I agree that if they are indigent they shouldn’t pay. But few indigent people are in a position to retire comfortably at 60. So, I am guessing they are not indigent.

[Anonymous]

I want to know more about this generous, lovely relative!

We are an UMC family that never saw the need for private schools pre-college, but have happily paid for T15 universities while understanding that kids can get great educations at virtually all colleges and universities. We would absolutely pay for whatever school our (only?) child wanted in this scenario. Not sure why you’d do private for him as a child but stop now. The peace of mind of knowing you will never need to worry about his finances post-college, barring bad choices, is amazing. I’d happily sacrifice a year or two of retirement for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sort of had a similar situation. I was accepted into some fancy private schools but I had a full ride to UVA (I actually made money with scholarships). My parents said they’d give me 10k (this was 20 years ago) and a brand new car if I chose the flagship. I chose UVA and had an incredible college experience. I was able to use my inheritance from my grandpa on grad school.

Free is free and money is fungible. I would choose the free option again. I had a very nice down payment on my forever home at 27 due to it. Besides that, I loved the big school experience. It fit me very well.

OP is in almost the exact opposite situation: their kid, knowing it’s his own money, seemingly wants to conserve it; the point of paying would be to induce the kid to choose a less-preferred, more expensive university.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So kid would rather use your money instead of theirs? Let them attend state flagship. They are smart, so should you.

OP here.

To be clear, kid not asking and has no expectations.

OTOH, if kid had *not* received this inheritance, we would certainly have offered to help them pay for college or grad school, wherever they decided to attend.

Does that change your answer?

You are playing a silly game of what if. He has a generous inheritance that covers his education plus the possibility of a full ride or merit scholarship money.

I feel like you have a lot of guilt over not contributing to college?

No guilt (yet), but certainly trying to figure out what’s right.

Kid is awesome and have mixed feelings about them foregoing a preferred opportunity bc of $$ (even if it’s their choice).

I would do a lot to give my kids the type of educational opportunity they want. But that’s me. Only you can answer for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand someone wealthy not paying for college and graduate school. You hurt your child by not saving as they cannot get financial aid due to your income.

This particular kid can’t get FA due to his own personal assets, which are extensive. His parents could be indigent, he still wouldn’t get any aid from the school. In that situation, I don’t think the parents have any obligation to pay.

As parents who are comfortable, to put it mildly, yes you pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand someone wealthy not paying for college and graduate school. You hurt your child by not saving as they cannot get financial aid due to your income.

This particular kid can’t get FA due to his own personal assets, which are extensive. His parents could be indigent, he still wouldn’t get any aid from the school. In that situation, I don’t think the parents have any obligation to pay.

I agree that if they are indigent they shouldn’t pay. But few indigent people are in a position to retire comfortably at 60. So, I am guessing they are not indigent.

This, my spouse will work till 68-70 to pay for college.

[Anonymous]

Front the $ and let kid pay you back as $50k payments kick in

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kid needs to get accepted first, they may not have a choice between state flagship and a T20 private.

There is this - it’s gotten impossibly competitive