WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok so child is loaded, parents are the kind of wealthy that describes itself as "comfortable," parents are wondering if it's cool for them to not pay for college and retire earlier.

Totally a question of OP's priorities and values, the costs of working (not just financial) and benefits (same.)

Personally I would offer to go 50/50 -- and if DC goes to public flagship, the price difference goes into their grad school/down payment/"life is uncertain you're gonna be glad to have" it fund.

OP.

Thanks for the feedback! Something along those lines is my inclination. Think it’s good for kid to have skin in the game one way or the other.

Agreed. Also I didn't hear you as being selfish, more... trying to get a sense of how to go about thinking about this in a world that doesn't provide much guidance. You want to do right by everyone in your family, and you're trying to be thoughtful about how to do that.

I think the asterisk to my response is to really get clear about the value your family imagines reflected in t20 vs public flagship. I'm not challenging the idea that it could be more valuable, but I would try to get clear on what kind of value, why, what's that about. Social capital? Financial ROI? Quality of experience?

And at the same time, think very concretely about retirement and how your choices reflect the same/different values.

These are great conversations to be having.

OP here.

Thanks for the thoughtful and kind feedback. You perfectly capture the factors that we’re trying to take into account.

As for your asterisk, the value that kid puts on a few of the T20 schools is quality of experience along with a dose of FOMO (what if I miss out on opportunities by not attending?).

For our part, we simply want them to find their way to a happy and productive life and don’t care where they attend school if it helps them achieve their goals.

Appreciate the help in framing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So kid would rather use your money instead of theirs? Let them attend state flagship. They are smart, so should you.

OP here.

To be clear, kid not asking and has no expectations.

OTOH, if kid had *not* received this inheritance, we would certainly have offered to help them pay for college or grad school, wherever they decided to attend.

Does that change your answer?

100%. You should let the kid decide where they want to go as if money is not a factor.

K, but what would you ask kid to contribute?

A PP suggested $25k yr (from their scholarship) plus living expenses from their $50k annual income.

You agree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok so child is loaded, parents are the kind of wealthy that describes itself as "comfortable," parents are wondering if it's cool for them to not pay for college and retire earlier.

Totally a question of OP's priorities and values, the costs of working (not just financial) and benefits (same.)

Personally I would offer to go 50/50 -- and if DC goes to public flagship, the price difference goes into their grad school/down payment/"life is uncertain you're gonna be glad to have" it fund.

OP.

Thanks for the feedback! Something along those lines is my inclination. Think it’s good for kid to have skin in the game one way or the other.

Agreed. Also I didn't hear you as being selfish, more... trying to get a sense of how to go about thinking about this in a world that doesn't provide much guidance. You want to do right by everyone in your family, and you're trying to be thoughtful about how to do that.

I think the asterisk to my response is to really get clear about the value your family imagines reflected in t20 vs public flagship. I'm not challenging the idea that it could be more valuable, but I would try to get clear on what kind of value, why, what's that about. Social capital? Financial ROI? Quality of experience?

And at the same time, think very concretely about retirement and how your choices reflect the same/different values.

These are great conversations to be having.

OP here.

Thanks for the thoughtful and kind feedback. You perfectly capture the factors that we’re trying to take into account.

As for your asterisk, the value that kid puts on a few of the T20 schools is quality of experience along with a dose of FOMO (what if I miss out on opportunities by not attending?).

For our part, we simply want them to find their way to a happy and productive life and don’t care where they attend school if it helps them achieve their goals.

Appreciate the help in framing this.

You're welcome! Ignore the trolls and the haters.

Sounds like this will open the doors to some good conversations about what's important to each of you individually, and to your family as a unit.

I wish we had better processes for thinking through some of this stuff. That said, my hunch is that so long as you're doing that work -- thinking it through, communicating honestly, balancing self- and mutual-care and concern -- whatever choices you make are going to be right for your family.

Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So because your kid got the inheritance, you moved your retirement up by 1-2 years? Had you not saved at all for his college?

Kid inherited when very young. We did not save for their college bc of inheritance.

So yes, doing so effectively allowed us to move potential retirement up bc we did not have to save for their college.

This is unfair you choose not to save hurting your child.

[Anonymous]

Your kid has $100k that MUST be spent on education plus $350k that CAN be spent on education plus $50k every year for life.

I don't understand why you are treating the $350k like some sort of sacred nest egg (for down payment or starting a business) when the $50k/year can play that same role.

If it were me, I'd offer to contribute the cash equivalent of state school tuition + expenses and say that if he wants to go the top school, the remainder comes out of his GIANT POOL OF MONEY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So because your kid got the inheritance, you moved your retirement up by 1-2 years? Had you not saved at all for his college?

Kid inherited when very young. We did not save for their college bc of inheritance.

So yes, doing so effectively allowed us to move potential retirement up bc we did not have to save for their college.

This is unfair you choose not to save hurting your child.

It’s a little more complicated than that.

We spent some of the $$$ that would have been saved in private school tuition K-8. Would not have been able to do that at the time and save for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So kid would rather use your money instead of theirs? Let them attend state flagship. They are smart, so should you.

OP here.

To be clear, kid not asking and has no expectations.

OTOH, if kid had *not* received this inheritance, we would certainly have offered to help them pay for college or grad school, wherever they decided to attend.

Does that change your answer?

100%. You should let the kid decide where they want to go as if money is not a factor.

K, but what would you ask kid to contribute?

A PP suggested $25k yr (from their scholarship) plus living expenses from their $50k annual income.

You agree?

I think spending 1/4 of the educational fund is reasonable. I would have them save the $50K, and to work to pay for day to day expenses while I paid room and board. I think if they wanted to dip into that money for something like study abroad, or to take an unpaid internship, that would b reasonable.

I would also reframe your thinking from “If we fulfill our obligations as parents we will retire early at 62 with a comfortable lifestyle”, vs. “If we pawn off our responsibilities on our kid, we could retire very early”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So kid would rather use your money instead of theirs? Let them attend state flagship. They are smart, so should you.

OP here.

To be clear, kid not asking and has no expectations.

OTOH, if kid had *not* received this inheritance, we would certainly have offered to help them pay for college or grad school, wherever they decided to attend.

Does that change your answer?

100%. You should let the kid decide where they want to go as if money is not a factor.

K, but what would you ask kid to contribute?

A PP suggested $25k yr (from their scholarship) plus living expenses from their $50k annual income.

You agree?

I think spending 1/4 of the educational fund is reasonable. I would have them save the $50K, and to work to pay for day to day expenses while I paid room and board. I think if they wanted to dip into that money for something like study abroad, or to take an unpaid internship, that would b reasonable.

I would also reframe your thinking from “If we fulfill our obligations as parents we will retire early at 62 with a comfortable lifestyle”, vs. “If we pawn off our responsibilities on our kid, we could retire very early”.

Interesting! Would it change your answer if kid was receiving $100k annually for life? $150k?

In other words, is there a financial tipping point at which you think kid should become more responsible?

[Anonymous]

Seems shortsighted to pay for private school and not college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems shortsighted to pay for private school and not college.

Kid benefitted greatly. But you could be right. One of the challenges of being a parent is that you never know….

[Anonymous]

I don't understand someone wealthy not paying for college and graduate school. You hurt your child by not saving as they cannot get financial aid due to your income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So kid would rather use your money instead of theirs? Let them attend state flagship. They are smart, so should you.

OP here.

To be clear, kid not asking and has no expectations.

OTOH, if kid had *not* received this inheritance, we would certainly have offered to help them pay for college or grad school, wherever they decided to attend.

Does that change your answer?

100%. You should let the kid decide where they want to go as if money is not a factor.

K, but what would you ask kid to contribute?

A PP suggested $25k yr (from their scholarship) plus living expenses from their $50k annual income.

You agree?

I think spending 1/4 of the educational fund is reasonable. I would have them save the $50K, and to work to pay for day to day expenses while I paid room and board. I think if they wanted to dip into that money for something like study abroad, or to take an unpaid internship, that would b reasonable.

I would also reframe your thinking from “If we fulfill our obligations as parents we will retire early at 62 with a comfortable lifestyle”, vs. “If we pawn off our responsibilities on our kid, we could retire very early”.

Interesting! Would it change your answer if kid was receiving $100k annually for life? $150k?

In other words, is there a financial tipping point at which you think kid should become more responsible?

One has nothing to do with the other. They can use their college fund, the yearly allotment, and OP covers the rest. Done.

[Anonymous]

I think if your kid doesn't get 100% free ride to whatever college they decide to go to, you should offer to contribute something because I think you will feel better if you do. Obviously you have supported them to 18, but college is important and you might want to support them in that way as well.

[Anonymous]

Look—kid has enough money to go wherever he wants. He should apply wherever and see where he gets in and if he gets any merit aid and whether he actually likes the schools he got into before you start what if-ing.

Whether or not you should contribute money to his education is highly dependent on how much you make and what the person who left him the money intended.

[Anonymous]

The flagship is covering 100% of cost of attendance? Do you have the offer letter in hand? It could be means tested....