WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation

[Anonymous]

Yes, you should contribute to your child’s college education. Stop being selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So because your kid got the inheritance, you moved your retirement up by 1-2 years? Had you not saved at all for his college?

Kid inherited when very young. We did not save for their college bc of inheritance.

So yes, doing so effectively allowed us to move potential retirement up bc we did not have to save for their college.

[Anonymous]

Ok so child is loaded, parents are the kind of wealthy that describes itself as "comfortable," parents are wondering if it's cool for them to not pay for college and retire earlier.

Totally a question of OP's priorities and values, the costs of working (not just financial) and benefits (same.)

Personally I would offer to go 50/50 -- and if DC goes to public flagship, the price difference goes into their grad school/down payment/"life is uncertain you're gonna be glad to have" it fund.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So kid would rather use your money instead of theirs? Let them attend state flagship. They are smart, so should you.

OP here.

To be clear, kid not asking and has no expectations.

OTOH, if kid had *not* received this inheritance, we would certainly have offered to help them pay for college or grad school, wherever they decided to attend.

Does that change your answer?

You are playing a silly game of what if. He has a generous inheritance that covers his education plus the possibility of a full ride or merit scholarship money.

I feel like you have a lot of guilt over not contributing to college?

No guilt (yet), but certainly trying to figure out what’s right.

Kid is awesome and have mixed feelings about them foregoing a preferred opportunity bc of $$ (even if it’s their choice).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok so child is loaded, parents are the kind of wealthy that describes itself as "comfortable," parents are wondering if it's cool for them to not pay for college and retire earlier.

Totally a question of OP's priorities and values, the costs of working (not just financial) and benefits (same.)

Personally I would offer to go 50/50 -- and if DC goes to public flagship, the price difference goes into their grad school/down payment/"life is uncertain you're gonna be glad to have" it fund.

OP.

Thanks for the feedback! Something along those lines is my inclination. Think it’s good for kid to have skin in the game one way or the other.

[Anonymous]

If them attending a good college is YOUR dream, you offer to pay. It seems DC’s desire is not that strong.

[Anonymous]

I would have DC spend 25k per year from college saving account, 50k per year from the yearly stipend (you don’t say when it begins), and you can cover anything over $75k

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok so child is loaded, parents are the kind of wealthy that describes itself as "comfortable," parents are wondering if it's cool for them to not pay for college and retire earlier.

Totally a question of OP's priorities and values, the costs of working (not just financial) and benefits (same.)

Personally I would offer to go 50/50 -- and if DC goes to public flagship, the price difference goes into their grad school/down payment/"life is uncertain you're gonna be glad to have" it fund.

OP.

Thanks for the feedback! Something along those lines is my inclination. Think it’s good for kid to have skin in the game one way or the other.

Agreed. Also I didn't hear you as being selfish, more... trying to get a sense of how to go about thinking about this in a world that doesn't provide much guidance. You want to do right by everyone in your family, and you're trying to be thoughtful about how to do that.

I think the asterisk to my response is to really get clear about the value your family imagines reflected in t20 vs public flagship. I'm not challenging the idea that it could be more valuable, but I would try to get clear on what kind of value, why, what's that about. Social capital? Financial ROI? Quality of experience?

And at the same time, think very concretely about retirement and how your choices reflect the same/different values.

These are great conversations to be having.

[Anonymous]

Of course I would offer to pay!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So because your kid got the inheritance, you moved your retirement up by 1-2 years? Had you not saved at all for his college?

Kid inherited when very young. We did not save for their college bc of inheritance.

So yes, doing so effectively allowed us to move potential retirement up bc we did not have to save for their college.

If you are UMC, you are terrible parents if you make the kid pay for the entire thing and they don't go to the school they want because you won't pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have DC spend 25k per year from college saving account, 50k per year from the yearly stipend (you don’t say when it begins), and you can cover anything over $75k

I would have DC spend 25k per year from the college account, tell them all their living expenses/fun should come from the 50k and pay the rest of tuition/room and board at wherever the kid wants to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So kid would rather use your money instead of theirs? Let them attend state flagship. They are smart, so should you.

OP here.

To be clear, kid not asking and has no expectations.

OTOH, if kid had *not* received this inheritance, we would certainly have offered to help them pay for college or grad school, wherever they decided to attend.

Does that change your answer?

100%. You should let the kid decide where they want to go as if money is not a factor.

[Anonymous]

I think it's ironic that the fact that a kid inherited money could lead to them feel that they should attend a less expensive school than if they hadn't inherited money in the first place.

[Anonymous]

I think it is an amazing gift to be able to give a kid the ability to go where they want for college and be debt free.

If it was me and I knew the amount given to my kid for college (100k), I would have been saving all along assuming I might need to contribute more. But I consider this expense part of parenting. Not everyone does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's ironic that the fact that a kid inherited money could lead to them feel that they should attend a less expensive school than if they hadn't inherited money in the first place.

Easier to spend other people’s money than your own.