Abusive Husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is dealing with this nonsense in 2026. Please just make an air tight plan with an attorney and perhaps a therapist and GTFO. Do not leave anything to chance. He sounds like the sort of man who might become violent once you try to leave.

What?

Women are no longer putting up with nonsense like this from men.

Precisely. Not sure what PP is confused about.

[Anonymous]

You need to get of there. He is not a good person.

[Anonymous]

My ex and his mom only liked the fact that my breasts were bigger than hers.

[Anonymous]

I left this and you can too.

Unfortunately he did get partial custody and now says horrible things to my kids, accuses me of sleeping with family members, and the like. Winning is being able to hang up and block him.

[Anonymous]

Why have you stayed this long? (This is not judgment. I genuinely think it would help to write why you have not left.)

[Anonymous]

No one deserves to be abused and he is abusing you. Unless the insults are true I would clap back and let him know he is a weak manipulative boy that will raise his kids to only feel confident when they are putting people down because he is an abusive husband. Then I would serve him with a legal separation letter and tell him to move out.

If you are fearful of your safety your lawyer can arrange for someone to serve him.

It goes without saying that if you have cheated and abused him be prepared for those facts to come out in court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband regularly calls me names- bctch, whore, slut, psycho, stupid, crazy, worthless, are the main ones. This happens everyday during small or big arguments, and in everyday moments. He tells me no one else would ever want me and that I’m lucky he stays. He says I ruin everything and he doesn’t know why he ever married me.

He puts me down in many other ways: he tells me I’m a bad wife and a worse mom, and makes me feel like I’m remembering things wrong, blames me for his anger, says our kids should hate me, and gives me the silent for days to weeks. He threatens to leave, saying I wouldn’t survive without him.

He sometimes brings up my past to hurt me. He says that because my dad left for another family when I was a two year-old, I’m worthless and no one has ever loved me. He says my mom should’ve abandoned me too and started over like my dad did or that they should’ve never had me at all. He tells me about stepdad-how he physically abused (fractures) emotionally, and financially abused, and very creepy and inappropriate toward me, though he did not touch me — and uses that to make me feel unwanted, and says I deserved it.

He also insults my past relationships, saying that my exes are worthless just like me or that my exes are better off without me.
He accuses me of cheating with male friends or people at work, says I probably have or will, and says he should cheat too.

When I tell him that this is cruel, he says I’m too sensitive, that I provoke him, or that I deserve it. Sometimes he says he didn’t mean it, but it keeps happening.

I guess I just need to let this out. I’m frankly tired of it and don’t know what to do. Has anyone dealt with this a partner who’s like this? How did you cope?

You must be a troll.
No one cope with abuse like this. People divorce. There is no coping with this. You are asking the wrong questions.
Your question should have been: where do I find a divorce lawyer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is dealing with this nonsense in 2026. Please just make an air tight plan with an attorney and perhaps a therapist and GTFO. Do not leave anything to chance. He sounds like the sort of man who might become violent once you try to leave.

What?

Women are no longer putting up with nonsense like this from men.

Unless we stop them from disenfranchising us and removing us from the economy, then sure. But please know that women being able to own homes, obtain credit, secure a business loan is a NEW freedom for us. Many people on this board were born before women had those freedoms. If we do not immediately take action to stop our government, we will be back into the dark ages before you can say “I’ll never retire."

[Anonymous]

You're staying, why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband regularly calls me names- bctch, whore, slut, psycho, stupid, crazy, worthless, are the main ones. This happens everyday during small or big arguments, and in everyday moments. He tells me no one else would ever want me and that I’m lucky he stays. He says I ruin everything and he doesn’t know why he ever married me.

He puts me down in many other ways: he tells me I’m a bad wife and a worse mom, and makes me feel like I’m remembering things wrong, blames me for his anger, says our kids should hate me, and gives me the silent for days to weeks. He threatens to leave, saying I wouldn’t survive without him.

He sometimes brings up my past to hurt me. He says that because my dad left for another family when I was a two year-old, I’m worthless and no one has ever loved me. He says my mom should’ve abandoned me too and started over like my dad did or that they should’ve never had me at all. He tells me about stepdad-how he physically abused (fractures) emotionally, and financially abused, and very creepy and inappropriate toward me, though he did not touch me — and uses that to make me feel unwanted, and says I deserved it.

He also insults my past relationships, saying that my exes are worthless just like me or that my exes are better off without me.
He accuses me of cheating with male friends or people at work, says I probably have or will, and says he should cheat too.

When I tell him that this is cruel, he says I’m too sensitive, that I provoke him, or that I deserve it. Sometimes he says he didn’t mean it, but it keeps happening.

I guess I just need to let this out. I’m frankly tired of it and don’t know what to do. Has anyone dealt with this a partner who’s like this? How did you cope?

Tell him to stfu

[Anonymous]

Wow. This is terrible. You need to leave him! Completely unforgivable. You deserve love. He is a cruel, terrible person.
Praying and rooting for you, OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why have you stayed this long? (This is not judgment. I genuinely think it would help to write why you have not left.)

Not OP but:
- because you can't afford to live without their money
- because you've never been on your own and the thought it is too overwhelming
- because part of the abuse cycle is when they apologize/make it up to you and you're confused
- because they've convinced you that you're worthless and you're nothing without them
- because you're scared for your kids to be with them alone part of the time
- because inertia is real and the devil you know sometimes seems better than the devil you don't

There's a lot more but there are some reasons.

[Anonymous]

I tried to cope and then a really good therapist helped me realize how bad things actually were. He said and did a lot of what you describe. You need energy to leave. You only have so much energy. You can give the last of it to him, a man who is incapable of caring for you, or you can spend it on yourself and start building a plan.

I consulted with a lawyer and she gave me some initial instructions, and I didn't end up retaining her and filing for divorce until nine months later.

This is a big deal and part of you knows this already. Is this the life you want? It is not like this for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left this and you can too.

Unfortunately he did get partial custody and now says horrible things to my kids, accuses me of sleeping with family members, and the like. Winning is being able to hang up and block him.

NP and yes, no matter what some really terrible family court professionals think abusers definitely go on to extend that behavior (even if just verbal) to their kids. This is the terrible part about divorce no one warns you about when they're all screaming "just leave" as if post-separation abuse is not a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband regularly calls me names- bctch, whore, slut, psycho, stupid, crazy, worthless, are the main ones. This happens everyday during small or big arguments, and in everyday moments. He tells me no one else would ever want me and that I’m lucky he stays. He says I ruin everything and he doesn’t know why he ever married me.

He puts me down in many other ways: he tells me I’m a bad wife and a worse mom, and makes me feel like I’m remembering things wrong, blames me for his anger, says our kids should hate me, and gives me the silent for days to weeks. He threatens to leave, saying I wouldn’t survive without him.

He sometimes brings up my past to hurt me. He says that because my dad left for another family when I was a two year-old, I’m worthless and no one has ever loved me. He says my mom should’ve abandoned me too and started over like my dad did or that they should’ve never had me at all. He tells me about stepdad-how he physically abused (fractures) emotionally, and financially abused, and very creepy and inappropriate toward me, though he did not touch me — and uses that to make me feel unwanted, and says I deserved it.

He also insults my past relationships, saying that my exes are worthless just like me or that my exes are better off without me.
He accuses me of cheating with male friends or people at work, says I probably have or will, and says he should cheat too.

When I tell him that this is cruel, he says I’m too sensitive, that I provoke him, or that I deserve it. Sometimes he says he didn’t mean it, but it keeps happening.

I guess I just need to let this out. I’m frankly tired of it and don’t know what to do. Has anyone dealt with this a partner who’s like this? How did you cope?

You must be a troll.
No one cope with abuse like this. People divorce. There is no coping with this. You are asking the wrong questions.
Your question should have been: where do I find a divorce lawyer?

Fun fact: while I agree that no one should tolerate abuse, it doesn't end when you separate and file. You still have to learn to cope with someone who will weaponize the legal system, your finances, and your children against you.