Neurodivergent boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bigger concern would be that parenting young kids is extremely stressful and it requires a LOT of pretending to be okay when you are tired, annoyed, overstimulated, etc. And sometimes pretending not to hate your spouse when in the moment, you want them to sit on a porcupine. And committing to not bean counting at least in the short and medium term. You do the pretending because you can see past the immediate discomfort, injustice and rage and you still believe in the long term vision.

If someone can’t do that, they might be a wonderful person and a good partner, but I think coparent will be difficult.

My dad was ND and had his issues but he was a fantastic dad and partner in terms of doing work. Totally unflappable and did the lions share of the childcare after the baby stage and housecleaning. Running a household with kids takes routines and he was great at that. I don’t think you can assume anything along those lines.

“ND” with what diagnosis PP?

Who put together the routine for him?

Who reminded him to do it?

I mean my dad was a college professor. Having autism doesn’t mean you are an idiot or incapable of caring for yourself … stop indulging in total stereotypes. People with autism have always been able to live productive lives.

But to satisfy your curiosity, he learned just like everyone else, from his (large) family and later from a religious school where the kids did a lot of chores. And then he taught me that, and I teach my kid to do chores. Doing chores on a schedule is not rocket science.

Fascinating what an insightful mature child you were that you noticed and know all the ins & outs of your parent’s marriage and how they ran the household.

That’s a weird take.

[Anonymous]

Oh please. What is neurodivergent anyway? No one used that term ten years ago. Aren't we all a little, divergent? He sounds like an average man who speaks his mind and doesn't play games. You know where he stands and what he's thinking. And you know what he thinks about you instead of him being dishonest and not expressing what is bothering him. If he wasn't neurodivergent, you;d be on here asking how you can tell what your man is thinking? He never opens up to me. I know things bother him but he won't tell me so I just have to guess, blah blah blah.

[Anonymous]

I am a middle aged divorced woman dating an AuDHD man. I enjoy spending time with him and accept him as he is. It works at this moment in my life because I am not looking for another husband and am done having kids.

He is a brilliant, loving, and kind person, but if I were looking for a husband and father to my children, I would not choose him. Marriage and child rearing are difficult enough without having an inflexible partner with communication challenges.

[Anonymous]

No thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a middle aged divorced woman dating an AuDHD man. I enjoy spending time with him and accept him as he is. It works at this moment in my life because I am not looking for another husband and am done having kids.

He is a brilliant, loving, and kind person, but if I were looking for a husband and father to my children, I would not choose him. Marriage and child rearing are difficult enough without having an inflexible partner with communication challenges.

OP here. I’m curious if you would marry him if you were not going to have kids?

[Anonymous]

I would be concerned that he hasn’t been socialize. What gives him the right to be blunt about your traits? Please move on.

[Anonymous]

You do know that criticism is one of the biggest reasons for a failed marriage and divorce? Check out John Gottman’s 4 Horsemen and come back to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a middle aged divorced woman dating an AuDHD man. I enjoy spending time with him and accept him as he is. It works at this moment in my life because I am not looking for another husband and am done having kids.

He is a brilliant, loving, and kind person, but if I were looking for a husband and father to my children, I would not choose him. Marriage and child rearing are difficult enough without having an inflexible partner with communication challenges.

OP here. I’m curious if you would marry him if you were not going to have kids?

No, I would not. We are not compatible for marriage. We have different standards of cleanliness, different diets, different daily routines, and we both enjoy our time apart. When he visits me on my free weekends we even sleep in separate rooms because of his sensory needs.

I love him deeply and recognize that these differences would not work in a healthy marriage.