Just found out my 22 year old does drugs recreationally

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Specifically coke. College grad, great job at a great company in the early career program with year long mentoring, etc etc, living in a major city independently, their friends are in the same industry or finance/ib/private equity or consulting (MBB) - I guess they all do it - that’s what I learned hanging out with them last night. Not sure I can DO anything. They all said It’s Fine We’ve Got It On Check. Uggggghhh. Anyone BTDT. Do the kids give it up eventually?

Young people in their early 20s feel invincible. Don't you remember feeling like that? Of course they don't see a problem. And they see everyone around them doing it, which makes them feel even more like it's not a problem. The best thing would be for him to move into a different environment that is not a "great job at a great company in a major city" in an industry such as finance or consulting. Because that's pretty much the only place where it's normalized.

They should look upwards in their company to see if the VPs seem to be using coke recreationally. My guess is no. Ask them why they think that is. Spoiler alert- because they either flamed out and went to rehab, or died. Or- if they were lucky- they STOPPED at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few things!
I went to Bucknell in the early 2000s (I am currently 44) which I'm sure everyone who is familiar, is aware that plenty of people did coke recreationally there. It was not viewed as a big deal.
Of those people, a portion of them continued to use coke after college- mostly the crowd that went to NYC to work in finance. The other portion who went on to grad school, or a different field of work besides finance, all pretty much stopped.
Of the people who continued after college- as far as I can tell, most of them tapered off and stopped by their mid 20s.
For the people who did not taper off and stop by their mid 20s, one of a few things happened. One of those people is now in jail, due to massive psychiatric issues that he didn't have in college. I don't know if the drugs led to them or not, but, I am quite sure they didn't help. Four of them are dead- three of classic overdoses, within the past few years, and one of a heart attack/ heart problem of some kid, that person had an on and off eating disorder along with her coke habit so it's likely they both contributed.

Why did so many of them die back to back in their mid to late 30s? Was it the cumulative effect? Was it that they kept taking more and more, and had moved onto harder drugs that I didn't know about? (less likely, IMO, since they continued working and being outwardly "successful"). Was it that the coke is now laced with fentanyl? Highly likely, in retrospect.

The takeaway- your kid is already in the group that didn't quit right after college. If they stay in the group that doesn't quit within the next couple of years, they're going to end up in the group where over half of them are dead by 40. Or, if the coke is laced with fentanyl, they'll be dead much quicker.

Feel free to share this with them word for word. It is all 100% true. I, too, thought that doing coke at parties was no big deal at 19, and I completely agree that tons of people did it and everyone seemed fine, and it was normalized. Make them fully aware that a large portion of the people that did it in college , like them, have already stopped since they have moved on to other environments (law school, med school, other fields of work, other cities, etc). They're in the shrinking group that still uses it, and it will keep shrinking, and eventually it will start shrinking not because they're gradually growing out of the habit but because they're dying. The people I know who died were all happy, smart, successful, popular, attractive. It didn't protect them.

This is OP. Thank you for this very real world perspective. I plan to share it with my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Specifically coke. College grad, great job at a great company in the early career program with year long mentoring, etc etc, living in a major city independently, their friends are in the same industry or finance/ib/private equity or consulting (MBB) - I guess they all do it - that’s what I learned hanging out with them last night. Not sure I can DO anything. They all said It’s Fine We’ve Got It On Check. Uggggghhh. Anyone BTDT. Do the kids give it up eventually?

This is where you went wrong. Thinking that these were great jobs and great companies when they have a horrible culture and do nothing good for society and conveying that a high salary makes a great job to your son.

+1000

Wrong values from home. This is where it lands you. (Oh, and I bet he was always a "top student.")

Take heed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few things!
I went to Bucknell in the early 2000s (I am currently 44) which I'm sure everyone who is familiar, is aware that plenty of people did coke recreationally there. It was not viewed as a big deal.
Of those people, a portion of them continued to use coke after college- mostly the crowd that went to NYC to work in finance. The other portion who went on to grad school, or a different field of work besides finance, all pretty much stopped.
Of the people who continued after college- as far as I can tell, most of them tapered off and stopped by their mid 20s.
For the people who did not taper off and stop by their mid 20s, one of a few things happened. One of those people is now in jail, due to massive psychiatric issues that he didn't have in college. I don't know if the drugs led to them or not, but, I am quite sure they didn't help. Four of them are dead- three of classic overdoses, within the past few years, and one of a heart attack/ heart problem of some kid, that person had an on and off eating disorder along with her coke habit so it's likely they both contributed.

Why did so many of them die back to back in their mid to late 30s? Was it the cumulative effect? Was it that they kept taking more and more, and had moved onto harder drugs that I didn't know about? (less likely, IMO, since they continued working and being outwardly "successful"). Was it that the coke is now laced with fentanyl? Highly likely, in retrospect.

The takeaway- your kid is already in the group that didn't quit right after college. If they stay in the group that doesn't quit within the next couple of years, they're going to end up in the group where over half of them are dead by 40. Or, if the coke is laced with fentanyl, they'll be dead much quicker.

Feel free to share this with them word for word. It is all 100% true. I, too, thought that doing coke at parties was no big deal at 19, and I completely agree that tons of people did it and everyone seemed fine, and it was normalized. Make them fully aware that a large portion of the people that did it in college , like them, have already stopped since they have moved on to other environments (law school, med school, other fields of work, other cities, etc). They're in the shrinking group that still uses it, and it will keep shrinking, and eventually it will start shrinking not because they're gradually growing out of the habit but because they're dying. The people I know who died were all happy, smart, successful, popular, attractive. It didn't protect them.

This is OP. Thank you for this very real world perspective. I plan to share it with my kid.

In summary this applies to binge drinking as well. Highly prevalent during the undergrad years...by 30 most have stopped or seriously cut back. Those who have not are likely alcoholic...they may have been already as early as college but we're disguised among the high prevalence in college.

[Anonymous]

*were

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few things!
I went to Bucknell in the early 2000s (I am currently 44) which I'm sure everyone who is familiar, is aware that plenty of people did coke recreationally there. It was not viewed as a big deal.
Of those people, a portion of them continued to use coke after college- mostly the crowd that went to NYC to work in finance. The other portion who went on to grad school, or a different field of work besides finance, all pretty much stopped.
Of the people who continued after college- as far as I can tell, most of them tapered off and stopped by their mid 20s.
For the people who did not taper off and stop by their mid 20s, one of a few things happened. One of those people is now in jail, due to massive psychiatric issues that he didn't have in college. I don't know if the drugs led to them or not, but, I am quite sure they didn't help. Four of them are dead- three of classic overdoses, within the past few years, and one of a heart attack/ heart problem of some kid, that person had an on and off eating disorder along with her coke habit so it's likely they both contributed.

Why did so many of them die back to back in their mid to late 30s? Was it the cumulative effect? Was it that they kept taking more and more, and had moved onto harder drugs that I didn't know about? (less likely, IMO, since they continued working and being outwardly "successful"). Was it that the coke is now laced with fentanyl? Highly likely, in retrospect.

The takeaway- your kid is already in the group that didn't quit right after college. If they stay in the group that doesn't quit within the next couple of years, they're going to end up in the group where over half of them are dead by 40. Or, if the coke is laced with fentanyl, they'll be dead much quicker.

Feel free to share this with them word for word. It is all 100% true. I, too, thought that doing coke at parties was no big deal at 19, and I completely agree that tons of people did it and everyone seemed fine, and it was normalized. Make them fully aware that a large portion of the people that did it in college , like them, have already stopped since they have moved on to other environments (law school, med school, other fields of work, other cities, etc). They're in the shrinking group that still uses it, and it will keep shrinking, and eventually it will start shrinking not because they're gradually growing out of the habit but because they're dying. The people I know who died were all happy, smart, successful, popular, attractive. It didn't protect them.

This is OP. Thank you for this very real world perspective. I plan to share it with my kid.

In summary this applies to binge drinking as well. Highly prevalent during the undergrad years...by 30 most have stopped or seriously cut back. Those who have not are likely alcoholic...they may have been already as early as college but we're disguised among the high prevalence in college.

I'm the PP and was about to post a similarly long response to OP that boils down to this, and deleted it because I figured it was just me going on a tangent. But I completely agree. And those heavy drinkers find eachother, because their previous circle of friends starts to cut back organically as they get married, have kids, or just find other hobbies, so they start hanging out with more like minded people who want to have drinks more often, and have more at a time, and are excited to find any excuse to get drunk. They'll say things like "these girls are just more fun! no one else wants to go out anymore!!" or "my friends have gotten so boring!" when they mean their friends aren't binge drinking as often with them anymore.

Anyways, OP, if you notice that your kid is moving on from his current friend group in a few years towards a friend group that is more coked-out, then you know he's going to keep looking for more and more coked out people to help him feel normal about it, just like heavy drinkers do.

[Anonymous]

Op, sorry for asking this (and implying that you haven't done your parenting job) but haven't warned him away from coke and other hard drugs? I hope for your sake and his that this isn't the first conversation you're having with him. Now, though, at 22, I would tell him that if he can't find a way to make it in finance without the cocaine, then he ought to find another field of work and also that you'll pay for rehab. Not worth ruining your nasal lining, heart health and overall life over a few quids.

[Anonymous]

Cocaine use is common, it has just gone from high rent to low rent … crack is “wack” category stuff

In the 80s if you were in the presence of cocaine you were with some rolling homies

As recently as a dozen years ago my son bought what he called a dime bag (??) for an upcoming graduation weekend at a US Lake, but I was cleaning out his room because he’d been drunk the night before and got careless about it, and I found that.

I took that

A few years ago I found it again and I even texted a pic to him and he was like “Oh my Bob Mom you found it” … a decade later.

I tried it same day. No real interest. Tried it again the 2nd day, rolled up dollar bill on a mirror and everything.

No interest. I just didn’t get the appeal.

[Anonymous]

Sorry also 15:09

Cocaine today is bottom barrel dirt cheap and it’s Russian roulette style often cut with fentanyl. I have a son in his 20s who is in LE and it’s the fentanyl.

Instead of getting the initial energy rush from the cocaine they expect, they end up going over a roller coaster hill and nodding off instead.

Today’s coke market is as different as the market for weed is today. Your gramma bubbie is buying weed today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry also 15:09

Cocaine today is bottom barrel dirt cheap and it’s Russian roulette style often cut with fentanyl. I have a son in his 20s who is in LE and it’s the fentanyl.

Instead of getting the initial energy rush from the cocaine they expect, they end up going over a roller coaster hill and nodding off instead.

Today’s coke market is as different as the market for weed is today. Your gramma bubbie is buying weed today

Wait... you're aware that coke these days is laced with fentanyl, and yet you found a mystery dime bag in your adult kid's room and proceeded to roll up a dollar bill on a mirror and test it out? I am equal parts horrified and fascinated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry also 15:09

Cocaine today is bottom barrel dirt cheap and it’s Russian roulette style often cut with fentanyl. I have a son in his 20s who is in LE and it’s the fentanyl.

Instead of getting the initial energy rush from the cocaine they expect, they end up going over a roller coaster hill and nodding off instead.

Today’s coke market is as different as the market for weed is today. Your gramma bubbie is buying weed today

Wait... you're aware that coke these days is laced with fentanyl, and yet you found a mystery dime bag in your adult kid's room and proceeded to roll up a dollar bill on a mirror and test it out? I am equal parts horrified and fascinated.

Yes, I want to hear more about this!

[Anonymous]

He was stoned when he did it! Bet it is the professional pot smoker who grows weed (for 10 years) and brags that his "scromitting" diet does not kill him ...

[Anonymous]

My HS senior tells me it’s more prevalent now than it was when i was young. I’ve never even seen cocaine but my kid knows people who have tried it. Smart and successful kids who i would never have expected to do something so dumb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cocaine use is common, it has just gone from high rent to low rent … crack is “wack” category stuff

In the 80s if you were in the presence of cocaine you were with some rolling homies

As recently as a dozen years ago my son bought what he called a dime bag (??) for an upcoming graduation weekend at a US Lake, but I was cleaning out his room because he’d been drunk the night before and got careless about it, and I found that.

I took that

A few years ago I found it again and I even texted a pic to him and he was like “Oh my Bob Mom you found it” … a decade later.

I tried it same day. No real interest. Tried it again the 2nd day, rolled up dollar bill on a mirror and everything.

No interest. I just didn’t get the appeal.

[Anonymous]

PP, who snort his kid’s cocaine, you are an idiot.