Sahm with 3+ kids - would love to get advice
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Anonymous
it's been years for me, but i was a SAHM for 5+ years when my kids were in that age range. They're preteens nd teens now. It sounds like the middle one is in preschool, which is great. That would be my first suggestion. Morning routine: Mornings will be hard at first, but then you'll find the routine. Have a go-to easy breakfast plan (think pan of scrambled eggs and oatmeal packets, or english muffin with cream cheese and apple slices, that kind of thing... healthy but easy). Create morning checklists for the 2 older kids (use pictures for the middle one who's probably not reading yet). Hang them in the kitchen or bathroom, and include a step by step of their day -- get dressed and put PJs in hamper, sit for breakfast, put dishes in sink, brush teeth, etc.). Maybe include a sticker reward if they do their routine well. The idea is to train them to do as much as they can without your help. Also helpful is laying out the outfit the night before and having a place where all backpacks, water bottles, coats, and school shoes go each evening so they can be grabbed easily in the morning. It also helps to get up before everyone else and do what you need to do (quick workout? shower? make coffee?). It can also help to have a place to keep the 1-year old still if you need to attend to other things -- could be a high chair with a little activity like one I used to do was to tape contact paper to their high chair and give them tissue paper to tear and stick on it or pom poms to make "art." Or a pack and play where they sit with some toys. Part-time childcare: we were on a fairly tight budget, but I did pay a sitter for a few hours a week to go exercise. I think this is worth it for whatever you need to time for to keep your mental health in check. After-school activities: I used to take them all to each other's things. Sometimes it's easy like a ballet place that had a nice play area with books and toys for siblings or a soccer practice at a park with a playground. Other times it's more of a headache, but always carry a bag with snacks, board books, crayons/stickers/etc., maybe a little card game you can play like spot it, etc. Dinner: I used to make dinner with all three underfoot, or sometimes DH was home. If he wasn't home KEEP IT EASY. Do not be ambitious here. When they're all school aged you can go back to better meals lol. Pasta with jarred sauce, steam broccoli and add butter. Put a packet of premade seasoning on chicken breasts, bake and serve with couscous and peas. Easy sides- sliced apples or oranges, jarred applesauce, yogurt, milk, frozen peas add butter, cucumber slices with hummus, steam broccoli or cauliflower and butter or sprinkle with Parmesan. If you can afford it, get some prepped meals like soups and fresh baked bread from whole foods or lasagna from your local Italian place. If you can make ahead meals on weekends definitely do that. I really like having a weekly meal plan becaus it takes the mental work out (Monday chicken and couscous with veggies and hummus, Tuesday tacos and guacamole, Wednesday bean burgers and oven fries with applesauce, thursday pasta marinara and italian salad, Friday soups from the store with fresh bread, saturday order pizza etc), If you give the kids TV time each day, this is a good time to turn on a show. If you want to save it for other things or don't do screens, have on-hand busy activities for the 1 year old (can put them in a pack and play in the kitchen with an activity if they're a mover). Easy sensory activities like high chair with shaving cream or play doh to play with. Or a couple plastic bowls with dried rice and beans and they can scoop and mix. Homework: until DC can do it without help, I'd continue to leave this until DH gets home. If you inject stress into the HW process, DC could push back, so Id stick with what's working. You can try to have DC do it on their own earlier then work through parts where help is needed when DH gets home as a compromise. This could set DC on a path for getting it done independently in the future. Good luck. I miss those days so much. It's hard but after a couple months, you'll get into routines that work for you! |
Anonymous
| I have three kids with a similar age spread. It’s both chaos and beautiful order every single day. We establish a general routine yet I also always stay flexible to take advantage of moments where the kids are occupied to meal prep, complete chores, etc. Putting in the work early to foster independent play habits in your kids will pay off in spades. I’ve never paid a regular babysitter for anything. I exercise at 6am. We limit activities to a reasonable amount that don’t put much driving stress on us. |
Anonymous
Honestly having a school with a bus option is huge. Minimizes the time siblings spend in the car at pickups and also gives kids some more time on their own. My kid enjoys riding the bus because it's kind of time for him to decompress before coming home to siblings. |
Anonymous
Follow this advice! It is excellent. My three are also now teens/tweens and I did many of the same things when I became a SAHM when the kids were 5/3/1. If you want to exercise outside the home, join a gym with childcare. Your youngest will get some interaction and you can work out. I picked the cheapest option, a public facility that also had an indoor pool. I’d take the youngest during preschool/school hours and we’d all go weekends. I wasn’t great at remembering high chair activities to keep the toddler busy during meal prep. I’d save ideas on my phone, but found it much simpler to have a go to list on my fridge. Getting them self sufficient in the mornings is huge! Lists are great but it will take extra time at first to get them to follow thru. Taking the extra time is worth it. Ten years later, my youngest makes and follows her own “morning routine” list. I never regretted getting out of the house. Going outside often served as a reset. Our funds were pretty tight, so we did all the free stuff - library story times, book store story times, building times at Home Depot/Lowes, craft projects at Michael’s, etc, as well as trying out all the parks. From kindergarten on, my kids rode the bus every single day to and from school. It was much easier to get him and the younger kids to the bus stop down the block than pack everyone into the car. Getting to school pickup would have meant waking the youngest up from nap time early. Having a basic routine and getting out of the house daily (even if it was just taking 3&1 on an extra walk) was key. If we’d had more money, a sitter would have been nice to run errands, etc but you get used to it. |
Anonymous
| I do everything with five children with no babysitters or cleaners or other help. Not sure why you can't figure this out. |
Anonymous
Probably because she’s hoping to do it well. |