Sahm with 3+ kids - would love to get advice

[Anonymous]

I had a close age spread with my 3 (and 2 are twins) so I didn’t have to deal with the school drop off juggling with a younger child as much.

During the early years (ages 0-2), I had a standing sitter 1 to 2 mornings per week and I used that time to take care of personal things and get a break. In lieu of starting preschool early and doing more running around. I just used a couple of college students and was happy to accommodate their class schedules semester to semester within reason.

[Anonymous]

I kept our nanny when I stopped working. I know this is a luxury.

I would leave baby with nanny while I took kids to school. She would do housework (cook, clean, laundry) when I played with the baby. I would leave the baby with nanny and take older kkd(s) to activities.

When Covid happened. We let the nanny go.

[Anonymous]

2 kids, SAHM until both kids in elementary school then started working part-time

- do you have any part time childcare for toddlers at home to give you time to do chores like cooking, or to take time for yourself like exercising?
No. Childcare came in the form of nursery school. Exercised with jog stroller when older kid in school. Then I started my big runs after both kids dropped off in elementary. Soon after I started working again and went straight to the office after drop off.

- what do mornings look like? Right now my nanny and I tackle mornings together before work, and I drop my older two kids off at school before work. So she actually doesn’t handle the morning routine for all 3 at once.
I got the kids ready and took them. First there was the school bus for one kid while the other kid had a later start in preschool/nursery. Eventually, when both attended the same elementary school, both shipped in together.
What's there to tackle? Have everything ready the night before. Make lunch, get them up, dressed, teeth brushed, a little breakfast and out the door. Sometimes we stopped by Dunkin Donuts on the way to school.

- after school activities: do you try to get your older kids to do activities in the same place? Do you all go together to after school activities and hang out waiting for the other?
I couldn't. Wish I could have had my older child in ballet early but oh well. When both older, both did swimming together.

- when is dinner cooked while you’re taking care of all three kids? Do you meal prep or let them play while you cook?
DH cooked because that was the only thing he was willing to do.

- how do you help older kids with homework while watching a toddler? Right now I wait until my husband is home from work so one of us can do homework with our oldest while the other watches the baby. Wondering if it’s possible to get homework out of the way earlier in the day.
They never needed help with homework. They did it on their own. I think I got some glitter glue and double sided tape for a project.
When my oldest entered middle school, the English teacher gave us all a harsh talk on Back to School Night about NOT helping the kids with homework because this was the point where if parents didn't stop meddling with homework, the kids will be relying on them through high school. It was ok to let them fail for a year and figure out how to do it all on their own. They needed to be on their own with homework before high school started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 kids, SAHM until both kids in elementary school then started working part-time

- do you have any part time childcare for toddlers at home to give you time to do chores like cooking, or to take time for yourself like exercising?
No. Childcare came in the form of nursery school. Exercised with jog stroller when older kid in school. Then I started my big runs after both kids dropped off in elementary. Soon after I started working again and went straight to the office after drop off.

- what do mornings look like? Right now my nanny and I tackle mornings together before work, and I drop my older two kids off at school before work. So she actually doesn’t handle the morning routine for all 3 at once.
I got the kids ready and took them. First there was the school bus for one kid while the other kid had a later start in preschool/nursery. Eventually, when both attended the same elementary school, both shipped in together.
What's there to tackle? Have everything ready the night before. Make lunch, get them up, dressed, teeth brushed, a little breakfast and out the door. Sometimes we stopped by Dunkin Donuts on the way to school.

- after school activities: do you try to get your older kids to do activities in the same place? Do you all go together to after school activities and hang out waiting for the other?
I couldn't. Wish I could have had my older child in ballet early but oh well. When both older, both did swimming together.

- when is dinner cooked while you’re taking care of all three kids? Do you meal prep or let them play while you cook?
DH cooked because that was the only thing he was willing to do.

- how do you help older kids with homework while watching a toddler? Right now I wait until my husband is home from work so one of us can do homework with our oldest while the other watches the baby. Wondering if it’s possible to get homework out of the way earlier in the day.
They never needed help with homework. They did it on their own. I think I got some glitter glue and double sided tape for a project.
When my oldest entered middle school, the English teacher gave us all a harsh talk on Back to School Night about NOT helping the kids with homework because this was the point where if parents didn't stop meddling with homework, the kids will be relying on them through high school. It was ok to let them fail for a year and figure out how to do it all on their own. They needed to be on their own with homework before high school started.

My children go to a private school that really pushes early literacy and homework started in K (like sending home books for reading group, literacy stuff, some math) and they expected parents to reinforce at home in PreK. You can’t expect a 4, 5, 6, 7 year old to initiate and do their homework on their own without adult involvement.

[Anonymous]

My kids are much older now (ages 8, 11, 14) but I have stayed home since my oldest was born.

So much of this depends on how much money you have and how much you like spending time with your kids. I don’t mean that in a negative way at all, you can be a great mom and still have lots of time away from your kids. I personally hated leaving mine with anyone, my kids all nursed till 2 and never took bottles and I just wanted to be with them all the time.

I sometimes had a sitter one morning a week - a neighborhood nanny whose charges started preschool so she had mornings free. I basically used the morning to go to doctors appts, volunteer ant school, and sometimes when pregnant, I would just sleep! It was helpful to have someone familiar with the baby and the house, we used her for occasional date nights too.

Kids all did co-op preschool starting at age 2. 2 mornings a week at 2, 3 mornings at 3, 4 mornings at 3/4.

Mornings, my DH was usually around so he would help, but otherwise everyone just came with me. All 3 would walk the to elementary school, baby and I would take middle to preschool an hour later on days she had it. Lots of easy breakfasts and sometimes it was a hot mess. Younger two still in PJs bundled in blankets in the double stroller for the walk to school with a sippy cup of milk and a handful of graham crackers.

For activities, mainly just the oldest did activities, or the younger ones did them while the oldest was at school. So we did mommy and me gymnastics or music class at a rec center on a morning the middle didn’t have preschool. Oldest did one activity at a time after school starting in K, and younger siblings would tag along. There was usually a playground at soccer practice or wherever. When middle hit K, same deal - they each did one activity a week, hopefully on different days! Now my DH works from home a lot, it would have been nice if he had started that earlier and I could have left a kid or two home at 5pm when heading out for baseball practice. Sometimes I would get the older two in swimming lessons at the same time/place and I would just occupy the youngest.

Dinners were usually very quickly thrown together, no gourmet cooking with a toddler around. I would try to prep veggies during nap time or the night before when I had energy. Kids just played while I cooked, or often they would help! Sometimes crock pot meals on days we would be out in the evenings. A lot of picnic style dinners at a soccer or baseball field while a kid had practice.

I am surprised a 7 year old has homework, that doesn’t seem appropriate for that age. And if it is so difficult that they require you to sit there with them and help them?? Yikes. I would be looking for another school. But if this is the norm where you live, I would try to occupy the younger two with some quiet toys and just sit with the older kid at the dining room table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kept our nanny when I stopped working. I know this is a luxury.

I would leave baby with nanny while I took kids to school. She would do housework (cook, clean, laundry) when I played with the baby. I would leave the baby with nanny and take older kkd(s) to activities.

When Covid happened. We let the nanny go.

Would love to do this but financially it would be a strain for us if I’m not working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are much older now (ages 8, 11, 14) but I have stayed home since my oldest was born.

So much of this depends on how much money you have and how much you like spending time with your kids. I don’t mean that in a negative way at all, you can be a great mom and still have lots of time away from your kids. I personally hated leaving mine with anyone, my kids all nursed till 2 and never took bottles and I just wanted to be with them all the time.

I sometimes had a sitter one morning a week - a neighborhood nanny whose charges started preschool so she had mornings free. I basically used the morning to go to doctors appts, volunteer ant school, and sometimes when pregnant, I would just sleep! It was helpful to have someone familiar with the baby and the house, we used her for occasional date nights too.

Kids all did co-op preschool starting at age 2. 2 mornings a week at 2, 3 mornings at 3, 4 mornings at 3/4.

Mornings, my DH was usually around so he would help, but otherwise everyone just came with me. All 3 would walk the to elementary school, baby and I would take middle to preschool an hour later on days she had it. Lots of easy breakfasts and sometimes it was a hot mess. Younger two still in PJs bundled in blankets in the double stroller for the walk to school with a sippy cup of milk and a handful of graham crackers.

For activities, mainly just the oldest did activities, or the younger ones did them while the oldest was at school. So we did mommy and me gymnastics or music class at a rec center on a morning the middle didn’t have preschool. Oldest did one activity at a time after school starting in K, and younger siblings would tag along. There was usually a playground at soccer practice or wherever. When middle hit K, same deal - they each did one activity a week, hopefully on different days! Now my DH works from home a lot, it would have been nice if he had started that earlier and I could have left a kid or two home at 5pm when heading out for baseball practice. Sometimes I would get the older two in swimming lessons at the same time/place and I would just occupy the youngest.

Dinners were usually very quickly thrown together, no gourmet cooking with a toddler around. I would try to prep veggies during nap time or the night before when I had energy. Kids just played while I cooked, or often they would help! Sometimes crock pot meals on days we would be out in the evenings. A lot of picnic style dinners at a soccer or baseball field while a kid had practice.

I am surprised a 7 year old has homework, that doesn’t seem appropriate for that age. And if it is so difficult that they require you to sit there with them and help them?? Yikes. I would be looking for another school. But if this is the norm where you live, I would try to occupy the younger two with some quiet toys and just sit with the older kid at the dining room table.

Thank you! This is very helpful. My 7 year old has some special needs and he has a tutor who leaves daily reading for him. It doesn’t take long and at some point I think he’ll do it independently but for right now an adult helps keep things moving. He does have minor homework from school he is able to do independently on the iPad. I think in second grade he’ll probably have some real homework though.

This is helpful insight and you sound like supermom. I enjoy being with my kids but I’m used to having help around the house while I shuttle one somewhere, go to a doctor appointment or throw together dinner during my lunch hour. So it’ll be an adjustment!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 kids, SAHM until both kids in elementary school then started working part-time

- do you have any part time childcare for toddlers at home to give you time to do chores like cooking, or to take time for yourself like exercising?
No. Childcare came in the form of nursery school. Exercised with jog stroller when older kid in school. Then I started my big runs after both kids dropped off in elementary. Soon after I started working again and went straight to the office after drop off.

- what do mornings look like? Right now my nanny and I tackle mornings together before work, and I drop my older two kids off at school before work. So she actually doesn’t handle the morning routine for all 3 at once.
I got the kids ready and took them. First there was the school bus for one kid while the other kid had a later start in preschool/nursery. Eventually, when both attended the same elementary school, both shipped in together.
What's there to tackle? Have everything ready the night before. Make lunch, get them up, dressed, teeth brushed, a little breakfast and out the door. Sometimes we stopped by Dunkin Donuts on the way to school.

- after school activities: do you try to get your older kids to do activities in the same place? Do you all go together to after school activities and hang out waiting for the other?
I couldn't. Wish I could have had my older child in ballet early but oh well. When both older, both did swimming together.

- when is dinner cooked while you’re taking care of all three kids? Do you meal prep or let them play while you cook?
DH cooked because that was the only thing he was willing to do.

- how do you help older kids with homework while watching a toddler? Right now I wait until my husband is home from work so one of us can do homework with our oldest while the other watches the baby. Wondering if it’s possible to get homework out of the way earlier in the day.
They never needed help with homework. They did it on their own. I think I got some glitter glue and double sided tape for a project.
When my oldest entered middle school, the English teacher gave us all a harsh talk on Back to School Night about NOT helping the kids with homework because this was the point where if parents didn't stop meddling with homework, the kids will be relying on them through high school. It was ok to let them fail for a year and figure out how to do it all on their own. They needed to be on their own with homework before high school started.

My children go to a private school that really pushes early literacy and homework started in K (like sending home books for reading group, literacy stuff, some math) and they expected parents to reinforce at home in PreK. You can’t expect a 4, 5, 6, 7 year old to initiate and do their homework on their own without adult involvement.

That's too bad about your kids.
My kids, the ones who didn't need homework help, are at UVA and LSE now. And no, there were no college consultants involved either. At most, mommy prep for SAT. One of the kids refused to share anything about their application.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are much older now (ages 8, 11, 14) but I have stayed home since my oldest was born.

So much of this depends on how much money you have and how much you like spending time with your kids. I don’t mean that in a negative way at all, you can be a great mom and still have lots of time away from your kids. I personally hated leaving mine with anyone, my kids all nursed till 2 and never took bottles and I just wanted to be with them all the time.

I sometimes had a sitter one morning a week - a neighborhood nanny whose charges started preschool so she had mornings free. I basically used the morning to go to doctors appts, volunteer ant school, and sometimes when pregnant, I would just sleep! It was helpful to have someone familiar with the baby and the house, we used her for occasional date nights too.

Kids all did co-op preschool starting at age 2. 2 mornings a week at 2, 3 mornings at 3, 4 mornings at 3/4.

Mornings, my DH was usually around so he would help, but otherwise everyone just came with me. All 3 would walk the to elementary school, baby and I would take middle to preschool an hour later on days she had it. Lots of easy breakfasts and sometimes it was a hot mess. Younger two still in PJs bundled in blankets in the double stroller for the walk to school with a sippy cup of milk and a handful of graham crackers.

For activities, mainly just the oldest did activities, or the younger ones did them while the oldest was at school. So we did mommy and me gymnastics or music class at a rec center on a morning the middle didn’t have preschool. Oldest did one activity at a time after school starting in K, and younger siblings would tag along. There was usually a playground at soccer practice or wherever. When middle hit K, same deal - they each did one activity a week, hopefully on different days! Now my DH works from home a lot, it would have been nice if he had started that earlier and I could have left a kid or two home at 5pm when heading out for baseball practice. Sometimes I would get the older two in swimming lessons at the same time/place and I would just occupy the youngest.

Dinners were usually very quickly thrown together, no gourmet cooking with a toddler around. I would try to prep veggies during nap time or the night before when I had energy. Kids just played while I cooked, or often they would help! Sometimes crock pot meals on days we would be out in the evenings. A lot of picnic style dinners at a soccer or baseball field while a kid had practice.

I am surprised a 7 year old has homework, that doesn’t seem appropriate for that age. And if it is so difficult that they require you to sit there with them and help them?? Yikes. I would be looking for another school. But if this is the norm where you live, I would try to occupy the younger two with some quiet toys and just sit with the older kid at the dining room table.

Agree completely that homework for age 7 is unfortunate. But this is the norm for us at our MCPS school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept our nanny when I stopped working. I know this is a luxury.

I would leave baby with nanny while I took kids to school. She would do housework (cook, clean, laundry) when I played with the baby. I would leave the baby with nanny and take older kkd(s) to activities.

When Covid happened. We let the nanny go.

Would love to do this but financially it would be a strain for us if I’m not working.

Pp here. I tried to put my older kids in the same activities but even if they were in the same activity, their age gap often put them in different times. My boys played soccer and swim and tennis when they were younger. They were on different soccer teams with different practice times and games. For swim, they were also in different skill levels. In elementary, I was able to put them at the same tennis location even with different levels.

Summer camps I tried to put them at the same location. One year after I got rid of the nanny, the older kids were in camps far from one another and I would never do that again. Rush hour plus 20+ miles with a toddler not fun.

[Anonymous]

I think once you start staying home, it won’t seem so overwhelming. Is your house baby-proofed? Your toddler doesn’t need an activity with you at all times. They can and should be able to move about the room/floor your on within sight of you with nothing crazy happening. Just let them be to play and explore. Doing homework with a 7 yr old can’t be more than 30 min per night. Surely your toddler can stay occupied, or on your lap, play with the dog, whatever. People homeschool older kids with toddlers at home. It’s not difficult and you’ll figure it out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think once you start staying home, it won’t seem so overwhelming. Is your house baby-proofed? Your toddler doesn’t need an activity with you at all times. They can and should be able to move about the room/floor your on within sight of you with nothing crazy happening. Just let them be to play and explore. Doing homework with a 7 yr old can’t be more than 30 min per night. Surely your toddler can stay occupied, or on your lap, play with the dog, whatever. People homeschool older kids with toddlers at home. It’s not difficult and you’ll figure it out

My kids always did their homework by themselves. In elementary school, it was often a math worksheet and reading. I never helped my older 2 with homework. I was probably too busy with the baby/toddler. My youngest is in third grade now and I never helped her with her homework either. Her homework takes her 5 min. She now has study guides and tests. She does them by herself.

I was an immigrant kid and my parents never helped me with my homework.

[Anonymous]

The biggest adjustment for me was realizing that every minute doesn’t have to be scheduled or planned. When the older ones are in school or preschool you can do household chores or run errands with the youngest. In the afternoons you can make dinner while one is doing homework, another is coloring and the youngest can be with you in the kitchen.

You’d be surprised how kids can learn to entertain themselves while you’re home folding laundry or meal prepping once they get used to the routine. Good luck and enjoy this phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think once you start staying home, it won’t seem so overwhelming. Is your house baby-proofed? Your toddler doesn’t need an activity with you at all times. They can and should be able to move about the room/floor your on within sight of you with nothing crazy happening. Just let them be to play and explore. Doing homework with a 7 yr old can’t be more than 30 min per night. Surely your toddler can stay occupied, or on your lap, play with the dog, whatever. People homeschool older kids with toddlers at home. It’s not difficult and you’ll figure it out

My kids always did their homework by themselves. In elementary school, it was often a math worksheet and reading. I never helped my older 2 with homework. I was probably too busy with the baby/toddler. My youngest is in third grade now and I never helped her with her homework either. Her homework takes her 5 min. She now has study guides and tests. She does them by herself.

I was an immigrant kid and my parents never helped me with my homework.

Ok, well that’s irrelevant

[Anonymous]

How long are you planning on being out of work?
If it’s a year or less and the money is not an issue I would keep the Nanny and pay her the same but give her less hours and have her still come. Maybe see if she’ll do a date night once a week or something if she’s got more time off during the day.