Sahm with 3+ kids - would love to get advice

[Anonymous]

I am a mom of three kids (ages 7,4,1) and am going to be taking time away from my career for a variety of reasons I won’t get into. I expect that will happen this summer or by the fall for the next school year - kids would be 7.5, 4.5 and 1.5.

I have always worked full time and had a nanny. I would love to hear from stay at home moms of bigger families how you structure your day. Specific questions:

- do you have any part time childcare for toddlers at home to give you time to do chores like cooking, or to take time for yourself like exercising?
- what do mornings look like? Right now my nanny and I tackle mornings together before work, and I drop my older two kids off at school before work. So she actually doesn’t handle the morning routine for all 3 at once.
- after school activities: do you try to get your older kids to do activities in the same place? Do you all go together to after school activities and hang out waiting for the other?
- when is dinner cooked while you’re taking care of all three kids? Do you meal prep or let them play while you cook?
- how do you help older kids with homework while watching a toddler? Right now I wait until my husband is home from work so one of us can do homework with our oldest while the other watches the baby. Wondering if it’s possible to get homework out of the way earlier in the day.

Any other considerations or tips to stay organized?

I am sort of embarrassed to ask these questions, but I’ve always had my nanny for a few extra hours so I could have time to either exercise, cook, do laundry or run errands. I don’t plan to have a nanny if I’m not working but am open to a very part time sitter for some support.

[Anonymous]

I involve my kids in food prep, laundry, chores, etc. at their skill level. Exercise- I walk on treadmill while they play educational games, or we do yoga or Pilates together.

[Anonymous]

Exercise during naps or use the daycare at the gym! Meal prep when older kids are at school and leave room for error It's a wild ride

[Anonymous]

The 7.5 would be in school full time and the 4.5 in school either part of full time. Will you be doing all the pick ups and drop offs or will they be taking the bus?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The 7.5 would be in school full time and the 4.5 in school either part of full time. Will you be doing all the pick ups and drop offs or will they be taking the bus?

My 4.5 year old will be in a private prek so no bussing yet. My 7.5 year old is TBD - we are actually in the process of switching their school for next year so they will either be local (with a bus option) or at a private school without a bus option, which would be more logistically complicated.

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of SAHMs in my UMC non DMV neighborhood - here’s what I’ve observed:
*boutique gym with childcare
*many of the dads work out of the house so moms handle morning routine solo. However, if you aren’t working you always have option to drop kids off (even slightly late) which is way less stressful than when you’re late for work / rushing to a meeting
*part-time preschool for kids starting at age 2 (we’re talking 9-11 two or three days a week at 2, gradually increases)
*kids go along for errands; hire sitters for appointments
*kids play while make dinner or try to prep during nap time and reheat

I am not sure on the activities tbh, most of the moms I know have 3-4 younger kids so they aren’t as deep in activities yet. I am about to quit and have a 2, 6 and 8 year old and this is actually my biggest concern - my kids have completely opposite interests. Guess we’re going to be dragging everyone along places / leaning into carpools more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of SAHMs in my UMC non DMV neighborhood - here’s what I’ve observed:
*boutique gym with childcare
*many of the dads work out of the house so moms handle morning routine solo. However, if you aren’t working you always have option to drop kids off (even slightly late) which is way less stressful than when you’re late for work / rushing to a meeting
*part-time preschool for kids starting at age 2 (we’re talking 9-11 two or three days a week at 2, gradually increases)
*kids go along for errands; hire sitters for appointments
*kids play while make dinner or try to prep during nap time and reheat

I am not sure on the activities tbh, most of the moms I know have 3-4 younger kids so they aren’t as deep in activities yet. I am about to quit and have a 2, 6 and 8 year old and this is actually my biggest concern - my kids have completely opposite interests. Guess we’re going to be dragging everyone along places / leaning into carpools more.

Thanks! I was actually considering part time preschool for my youngest. We’re in the northeast and she could start a 2s program in the fall from 9-11:45… but she doesn’t even turn 2 until late December and it seems so young (she would absolutely be the youngest). The few hours would be great but I don’t know if she’ll be ready to separate and since I’m planning to be working, I thought I’d do a more transitional caregiver and child program for her. Lots to consider. Carpool is an interesting idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom of three kids (ages 7,4,1) and am going to be taking time away from my career for a variety of reasons I won’t get into. I expect that will happen this summer or by the fall for the next school year - kids would be 7.5, 4.5 and 1.5.

I have always worked full time and had a nanny. I would love to hear from stay at home moms of bigger families how you structure your day. Specific questions:

- do you have any part time childcare for toddlers at home to give you time to do chores like cooking, or to take time for yourself like exercising?
- what do mornings look like? Right now my nanny and I tackle mornings together before work, and I drop my older two kids off at school before work. So she actually doesn’t handle the morning routine for all 3 at once.
- after school activities: do you try to get your older kids to do activities in the same place? Do you all go together to after school activities and hang out waiting for the other?
- when is dinner cooked while you’re taking care of all three kids? Do you meal prep or let them play while you cook?
- how do you help older kids with homework while watching a toddler? Right now I wait until my husband is home from work so one of us can do homework with our oldest while the other watches the baby. Wondering if it’s possible to get homework out of the way earlier in the day.

Any other considerations or tips to stay organized?

I am sort of embarrassed to ask these questions, but I’ve always had my nanny for a few extra hours so I could have time to either exercise, cook, do laundry or run errands. I don’t plan to have a nanny if I’m not working but am open to a very part time sitter for some support.

- I do have a sitter one afternoon a week. I work extremely part time, so sometimes I work. But I also need to be able to make dentist or doctor or hair appointments for myself or for the older kids without having to rely on DH being home.

- I have always done mornings on my own whether I’m working or not. Mornings and bedtimes are always the most structured parts of the day. It really is easier if you aren’t also trying to get yourself ready.

- I definitely put my older kids in the same activities. Or activities that occur at the same place. Like one kid is in karate while the other is in gymnastics. I try to use that time to spend 1:1 time with the kid that’s not in the activity.

- In my ideal world, dinner is cooked right before we eat while DH is out doing yard work with older kids in tow. In reality, dinner is typically cooked during nap time and left to simmer (soups and sauces) or reheated at dinner time. I will say that homemade bread is a nice thing to make with a toddler in tow. There are lots of steps where you do something and then wait an hour or an hour and a half, which is right on toddler schedule.

- homework depends on how self-motivated your child is to do homework. If your child needs a lot of involvement from you to do homework, you can’t do it with a toddler in tow. Toddlers tend to have random, urgent needs, and you can’t put that kind of time pressure on a second grader who needs you to really be present with them while they try to figure out multiplication. But if you have a second grader who can kind of figure it out and just needs you there for questions, then it’s fine. Same thing goes for music practice and other things.

My only other tip is to try to join or create a playgroup with 2-4 other moms that meets weekly. Even if they aren’t the kind of people you would normally be friends with, you need co-workers. This isn’t a job you want to do alone!

[Anonymous]

I just did it all myself. I have house cleaners e/o week. Kids went into 1/2 day preschool after their 3rd birthday. Used gym daycare for kids too young for preschool. 1 activity per kid at a time. Easy simple dinners or batch cooking.

[Anonymous]

Only the 1.5 year old should be with you all the time, including in summer. The others need structured activities at least part of most days.

[Anonymous]

I had a PT nanny two days a week before my youngest was in preschool. If the baby can start preschool in the fall, then you probably won't need it, especially with how easy it is to do target and food pick ups these days. Once the littlest is in preschool a few mornings a week, it's much easier. What you might need help with is driving to activities in the evening.

[Anonymous]

You will want and need breaks from the kids—there are some things like dentist and med appointments or certain errands that work way better if you’re alone. You can cultivate a bunch of occasional sitters or have a regular sitter who comes on a weekly schedule- regular is better. Preschool can also fill this need. I think it’s really important to have it for your own health and sanity.

[Anonymous]

The older child will be in school, the middle in preschool.

Join a gym with childcare so you can workout during the day. Have a babysitter you like that has available daytime hours for if you need a haircut, Dr appt, dentist, a lunch with friends, etc.

Other than that, I never had a nanny or childcare before preschool. I would do chores and cook with the toddler, it’s fine, and developmentally good for them. I liked to use their nap time to relax myself.

Yes, to having older kids do same activities to make your life easier. Say no to dance and gymnastics. And travel sports.

As for dinner, I don’t really think about it. I shop a few times per week for fresh ingredients and just cook when cook per normal before we eat. I don’t make anything super complicated though. Rice/potatoes/pasta, a protein, a vegetable, sauces. Pretty much no dinner is taking more than 30 min hands on time. I do bake a lot: fresh breads, muffins, cookies. Those I make in the mid morning. Kids eat after school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom of three kids (ages 7,4,1) and am going to be taking time away from my career for a variety of reasons I won’t get into. I expect that will happen this summer or by the fall for the next school year - kids would be 7.5, 4.5 and 1.5.

I have always worked full time and had a nanny. I would love to hear from stay at home moms of bigger families how you structure your day. Specific questions:

- do you have any part time childcare for toddlers at home to give you time to do chores like cooking, or to take time for yourself like exercising?
- what do mornings look like? Right now my nanny and I tackle mornings together before work, and I drop my older two kids off at school before work. So she actually doesn’t handle the morning routine for all 3 at once.
- after school activities: do you try to get your older kids to do activities in the same place? Do you all go together to after school activities and hang out waiting for the other?
- when is dinner cooked while you’re taking care of all three kids? Do you meal prep or let them play while you cook?
- how do you help older kids with homework while watching a toddler? Right now I wait until my husband is home from work so one of us can do homework with our oldest while the other watches the baby. Wondering if it’s possible to get homework out of the way earlier in the day.

Any other considerations or tips to stay organized?

I am sort of embarrassed to ask these questions, but I’ve always had my nanny for a few extra hours so I could have time to either exercise, cook, do laundry or run errands. I don’t plan to have a nanny if I’m not working but am open to a very part time sitter for some support.

My kids are 7,4, and 2 and I WFH so do lots of shuttling for activities and also prep dinner solo after our nanny leaves and do homework with my oldest while prepping.
-My SAHM mom friends expect for one have a part time sitter who helps daily or multiple days a week, even with preschool. I live in Greenwich, CT so lots of very well resourced families. If you’re not doing the babysitter route I would do part find preschool for your youngest. Especially with two older siblings, your youngest will do well and you’ll probably welcome the break too.
-Can your husband help with mornings? If he takes the train into the City you can drop him at the station after drop off. Otherwise, get everything ready the night before so it’s less crazy and do a simple breakfast (yogurt cups, cereal in the car, etc).
-My older kids and younger kids do activities in the same place or the same general area. As in, one kid has swim team practice at the YMCA and the other child has gymnastics down the street at the same time at the YWCA or I have my younger kids do a private swim lesson together or you stagger times or days. If school dismissal times are staggered significantly (kid 1 gets out at 12 and kid 2 gets out at 3) find kid 1 activities from 1-1:45 or 1:45-2:30, etc.
-I don’t meal prep outside of making more than we will need and basically always having ingredients for dishes the kids like on hand. My kids are all picky in different ways so I make different things and it’s the easiest thing at this moment in time. I let the younger kids play or watch Bluey and the older child does homework. I usually sit with my older child during at least part of their homework (while pasta is cooking, etc). My youngest still nurses, so that was a good distraction when they were 1 or early 2. My middle child likes to pretend to do homework next to my oldest and will practice writing letters or draw.

[Anonymous]

Have the nanny work part time from 3-7pm. They can do a load of laundry, feed snacks, and either get one kid to an activity while you stay home and make dinner, or she can stay home and clean up toys and prep dinner while you run around to activities.