Handling graduation with low-contact grandparent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it comes up, why not just say you don't have enough tickets?

Yes, and I would not mention your parents joining. Take some pictures of just your son and share those with her later. Ask your parents, if they share, to "hide" them from view, if they are Facebook friends or something. I know that's lame, but I have someone like this in my life, and the fallout of them knowing would go for months or maybe years, and it's just not something I want to deal with (given that I don't want to completely cut off contact with this person).

I personally would probably invite her to the graduation party, more people to diffuse, no set plan for the event, but only you know her.

[Anonymous]

You are allotted 5 tickets.
3 are going to you, dh and other child.
2 are going to your parents.
I dont understand where you are getting ticket 6 dh's parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are allotted 5 tickets.
3 are going to you, dh and other child.
2 are going to your parents.
I dont understand where you are getting ticket 6 dh's parent.

There is usually a lottery for extra tickets. Not everyone brings 5 people, some bring only 2 or 3 or 4. Those extra tickets are distributed through a lottery. It’s not hard to get an extra ticket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are allotted 5 tickets.
3 are going to you, dh and other child.
2 are going to your parents.
I dont understand where you are getting ticket 6 dh's parent.

There is usually a lottery for extra tickets. Not everyone brings 5 people, some bring only 2 or 3 or 4. Those extra tickets are distributed through a lottery. It’s not hard to get an extra ticket.

Well, don’t join the lottery. Easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You literally never mention graduation to Difficult Granny. If Difficult Granny asks about graduation, you say it is on x date. If Difficult Granny asks if she can go, you say you don’t have a ticket for her. You also don’t post pics on facebook with the other grandparents if Difficult Granny loves FB. If Difficult Granny says she really wants to celebrate, you do so in a very low contact way like a lunch. I say this as a mom with a parent I’m low contact with.

What about when Difficult Granny asks about the open house/graduation party?

If they are really low contact why are they communicating so much? Just don’t take the calls or answer the questions. Actually be low contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imho no need to take your parents either, just your own nuclear family is enough. Have two lunches next weekend with each side of grandparents to be inclusive or if your parents can handle it, do one lunch for all three of them together.

Nah, why leave two people out that the graduate wants when you have enough tickets?

To maintain his and everyone else's mental health during this time.

How can everyone else’s mental health be so fragile when you supposedly never see this person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imho no need to take your parents either, just your own nuclear family is enough. Have two lunches next weekend with each side of grandparents to be inclusive or if your parents can handle it, do one lunch for all three of them together.

Nah, why leave two people out that the graduate wants when you have enough tickets?

To maintain his and everyone else's mental health during this time.

Says the difficult IL.

[Anonymous]

Do not invite her, she is too much. That day should be about your child, not about grandma with issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imho no need to take your parents either, just your own nuclear family is enough. Have two lunches next weekend with each side of grandparents to be inclusive or if your parents can handle it, do one lunch for all three of them together.

Nah, why leave two people out that the graduate wants when you have enough tickets?

To maintain his and everyone else's mental health during this time.

DS is the one graduating. DS wants some people there. DS doesn't want some people there. It's 100% valid to give the tickets to people that HE wants there.

OP just ignore the evil MIL troll. She clearly is NC with a lot of people and takes it out on random posts on the internet.

[Anonymous]

This will be us in a few years. DH and his mom are very low contact. If I were you, I'd take your cue from DS. It's his graduation and he should have a say in who he wants there to celebrate. Your DH should respect that. If he's uncomfortable with his mom not being there, that's on him. He could've been addressing the issues with her in the years leading up to this milestone.

I wouldn't specifically bring it up to MIL but if it comes up somehow, DH should be the one to handle it. And I'm 100% on board with telling her that there aren't enough tickets (which sounds like it's true). If you say anything to suggest you don't want her there for any reason, or that someone else is using a ticket instead of her, it will likely cause bigger issues.

[Anonymous]

My DS just graduated from high school last spring. My mother has ruined many significant events with her bad behaviour including my college graduation. I am absolutely determined not to let her have that impact on my kids’ life. She and I have a polite but somewhat distant relationship now.We just told her we didn’t have enough tickets and would get together with her for a nice lunch at a later date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband's mother may not be expecting any invitation, since you are low-contact.

Stop worrying about it. Do not invite her. If she complains, do not explain, do not defend. The end.

This, and agree with the poster who theorized DS was getting anxiety from his OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You literally never mention graduation to Difficult Granny. If Difficult Granny asks about graduation, you say it is on x date. If Difficult Granny asks if she can go, you say you don’t have a ticket for her. You also don’t post pics on facebook with the other grandparents if Difficult Granny loves FB. If Difficult Granny says she really wants to celebrate, you do so in a very low contact way like a lunch. I say this as a mom with a parent I’m low contact with.

What about when Difficult Granny asks about the open house/graduation party?

You say “we would love to have lunch with you on x date to celebrate.”

[Anonymous]

The right thing to do is not mention it to her and if she asks, say there are limited tickets for immediate family. She doesn't need to know if there was technically availability to include her. I doubt it will come up so dont stress, and if you are torn, see that as a reflection of the unhealthy load this woman brings to your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You literally never mention graduation to Difficult Granny. If Difficult Granny asks about graduation, you say it is on x date. If Difficult Granny asks if she can go, you say you don’t have a ticket for her. You also don’t post pics on facebook with the other grandparents if Difficult Granny loves FB. If Difficult Granny says she really wants to celebrate, you do so in a very low contact way like a lunch. I say this as a mom with a parent I’m low contact with.

What about when Difficult Granny asks about the open house/graduation party?

You say “we would love to have lunch with you on x date to celebrate.”

Or: "Wow an open house/graduation party sounds great! Let us know what day you'd like to host and we'll bring DS on over."

She can plan a celebration if she wants to celebrate.