Celebrating Some Employees Birthdays But Not Others

[Anonymous]

My whole floor made a huge deal and threw me (and another lady) a baby shower. I was so embarrassed. I got like a $1000 in gifts a huge cake etc. Our male VP approved the time and expense. He even gave us gifts. It was both of our second children - and we each had a child of the same gender, so we didn’t need a ton of stuff. I was mainly embarrassed because there were many women who were pregnant that year and in the couple years prior and went completely I acknowledged. One of them even commented to me that no one noticed when she was pregnant - it’s true, not even a small cake from her direct female boss. FWIW I don’t think I was in the “in” crowd because I was relatively new to the team - 10 months in seat from a different department. I was young, pretty, and social - so maybe that’s why. Now, years later, as a boss - I acknowledge both male and female employees who have children. No huge affair- just a cake and co-signed office card. I will get them a personal gift - not on my company budget, but from me. It’s usually a cute baby outfit or something off their registry. It turned out to be the most toxic department and team I’ve been on in my 25 year career - I can’t even begin to tell you how awful it was

[Anonymous]

Celebrate more generally monthly or quarterly. No need to celebrate individual people. It always causes drama. Some people don't want to share their birthdays at work. Others do want to but aren't "popular" so almost no one attends their birthday lunch. If people are so into having their individual birthdays with work friends, they should just do a HH after work that there is no pressure to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Celebrate more generally monthly or quarterly. No need to celebrate individual people. It always causes drama. Some people don't want to share their birthdays at work. Others do want to but aren't "popular" so almost no one attends their birthday lunch. If people are so into having their individual birthdays with work friends, they should just do a HH after work that there is no pressure to attend.

Akward part of not sharing birthdays is a small dept with a budget for this. In my case a area I managed are all "on the clock employees" who generall take 30 minutes lunches to run out the door early and bring lunch every day to save money.

in that case there were six people in area. Every other month I order lunch a nice place, take orders, we get like Nothing Bundt the Cake or Insomia Cookies type things for desert. We spend a full hour at lunch chit chatting having a great lunch. All paid by company. And folks can leave normal time as if they only took a 30 minute lunch.

One new person did not want to do it. But that means the five other people now dont get a free lunch or desert. So it was akward. From there it kinda died out in next 2-3 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with this as a noncombatant?

My office regularly hosts lunches, cake ceremonies, balloons, cards, etc for the 'in girls' but doesnt even acknowledge the birthdays of other women.

I'm just an observer, but it's .....gross. It's so harassing that I even wonder if it's grounds for a lawsuit.

sounds like Freddie Mac

mostly Indians and ignored everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Another issue is remote employees. My remote employees got so upset about never having potlucks and wanted a gift card instead. That killed our employee sponsored potlucks quick.

[Anonymous]

My office collected $25 from each employee each year to cover sympathy flowers and baby congratulations. When you had a baby you were supposed to get a $25 gift card. Guess who got forgotten - me!

A couple years later this system broke down and they threw a deluxe baby shower at work for one woman and her husband. They collected money on a one-time basis and gave her a $300 baby sensor monitoring device. Somebody even made gender themed punch with an ice ring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My office collected $25 from each employee each year to cover sympathy flowers and baby congratulations. When you had a baby you were supposed to get a $25 gift card. Guess who got forgotten - me!

A couple years later this system broke down and they threw a deluxe baby shower at work for one woman and her husband. They collected money on a one-time basis and gave her a $300 baby sensor monitoring device. Somebody even made gender themed punch with an ice ring.

Ha. I was maybe 2 weeks into a new job when a manager had a 10 year anniversary AND a birthday fall on the same week. I got hit up for $25 for each, so $50 total. I didn't even know the guy. My birthday was 4 months later and was completely ignored.

People just suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Celebrate more generally monthly or quarterly. No need to celebrate individual people. It always causes drama. Some people don't want to share their birthdays at work. Others do want to but aren't "popular" so almost no one attends their birthday lunch. If people are so into having their individual birthdays with work friends, they should just do a HH after work that there is no pressure to attend.

This is the way to go. Monthly birthday celebrations. February 17th 3 p.m. will be the monthly birthday celebration. Done. I work at a big company now that pays for the monthly birthday celebration, which makes it even better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My office collected $25 from each employee each year to cover sympathy flowers and baby congratulations. When you had a baby you were supposed to get a $25 gift card. Guess who got forgotten - me!

A couple years later this system broke down and they threw a deluxe baby shower at work for one woman and her husband. They collected money on a one-time basis and gave her a $300 baby sensor monitoring device. Somebody even made gender themed punch with an ice ring.

Ha. I was maybe 2 weeks into a new job when a manager had a 10 year anniversary AND a birthday fall on the same week. I got hit up for $25 for each, so $50 total. I didn't even know the guy. My birthday was 4 months later and was completely ignored.

People just suck.

This seems to happen to me everywhere I go. Even during my one-year judicial clerkship the long-time secretary retired, my co-clerk had a baby, and the judge got really sick. Got hit up for a retirement gift, a baby gift, and a get well soon gift all while I had no money (and ridiculous debt, although at least those payments were paused).

[Anonymous]

As an introvert, I would request to not have all that for my birthday.

Honestly, I think it's all weird. We're adults. Do people really need/want cake/balloons/lunches for their birthday?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an introvert, I would request to not have all that for my birthday.

Honestly, I think it's all weird. We're adults. Do people really need/want cake/balloons/lunches for their birthday?!

so it is all about you. Congrats