I need period help....period

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old is a competitive swimmer and is terrified of her period arriving at practice or a meet. I asked her if in her many years or practices and meets if she had seen any obvious signs of someone menstruating in the pool and she said no..so I told her it was unlikely that it would be obvious to others if it happened. That said, I imagine this could change as she moves up age groups...I think most of her peers don't menstruate yet, nor does she. Does anyone have any horror stories about this? I'm pretty sure she would refuse one of those period swimsuits...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 12 year old is a competitive swimmer and is terrified of her period arriving at practice or a meet. I asked her if in her many years or practices and meets if she had seen any obvious signs of someone menstruating in the pool and she said no..so I told her it was unlikely that it would be obvious to others if it happened. That said, I imagine this could change as she moves up age groups...I think most of her peers don't menstruate yet, nor does she. Does anyone have any horror stories about this? I'm pretty sure she would refuse one of those period swimsuits...

Valid fear, especially if never had a period before. It can come at any time. I would reassure her that her time in the pool is a small percentage of her total day and it is unlikely. But even so, there typically is a fair amount of cramping that comes before I significant amount of bleeding. Take that as her warning.

[Anonymous]

Here is a Q&A primer about periods and swimmers from Alto Swim Club, which is the “swim club” for Stanford-based swimmers.

https://altoswimclub.com/what-to-know-about-swimming-during-your-period

[Anonymous]

So before we get our periods, even the first period ever, we ovulate. When we ovulate the mucus turns into a slippery egg white mucus. The period comes two weeks after that. Tell her to pay attention and look out for that beforehand. And keep at least two pads on her person, in a purse, in her socks or if she wears fitted jeans inside her pants leg at the top are where I put mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 12 year old is a competitive swimmer and is terrified of her period arriving at practice or a meet. I asked her if in her many years or practices and meets if she had seen any obvious signs of someone menstruating in the pool and she said no..so I told her it was unlikely that it would be obvious to others if it happened. That said, I imagine this could change as she moves up age groups...I think most of her peers don't menstruate yet, nor does she. Does anyone have any horror stories about this? I'm pretty sure she would refuse one of those period swimsuits...

Nope. But I have stories of girls forming true solidarity if anyone needs anything. It won't be horrific because your girls will help you out. Tampons, pads, excuses, a sweatshirt to tie around your waist, a towel, a ride home, etc. Even guys who are brought up right are sympathetic and will help out. Nobody mocks this. It's nature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, the internalized misogyny on this thread is kinda intense... Period blood isn't "gross" unless you have the mentality of a middle-school boy. It's normal. You don't have to finger paint with it, just accept that it's part of having a body that bleeds regularly. It's not dirty, and the shame language on here is misogyny. It's one thing to be ignorant, it's another to be squeamish about periods.

OP, pads come in teen sizes and start at 1. A 1 or 2 will provide plenty of coverage. Get the kind with wings so they stay attached better. Tampons come in light, regular, and then a bunch of "super" that will probably be overkill for your teen. Start with a brand that offers an applicator. They come with instructions and are pretty straightforward. Cups/disks are great for some women, and a nonstarter for others. A suggestion might be to take your kid to Target or the like and let her pick out what she may want to try for herself. Don't buy too much of anything. Your kid will have preferences, and will find what works best for her. If you have extras or rejects, donate them to a womens shelter.

Period underwear are great on their own on light days, and a good backup on most days. follow the washing instructions. Your kid can rinse them out in the shower and hang them to dry between washings, or just throw them in a bucket until the end of her cycle, soak twice to rinse, and then wash according to directions. Yes, there's blood. It's not "gross" it's just part of having a cycle.

You don't sound as likely as some of the women on this thread to pathologize or stigmatize this, so good on you for that.

Sorry, but it’s ok to call gross things gross. That isn’t misogyny. Handling bedsheets with vomit or child’s underwear they pooped in is gross too. Soaking and dumping bloody period underwear water isn’t pleasant..nor is having it drip bloody water while transferring to the washing machine or wringing them out by hand. Things can “normal” and still be gross. Or worse is the dried crusty period underwear your kid forgot to put into a soak bucket and left in their laundry basket for days.

LOL. Yeah, it's pretty gross. But for us laypeople it's probably very mild in comparison to what medical workers have to stomach! But yeah, there's a lot of gross out there. It's okay to say it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, the internalized misogyny on this thread is kinda intense... Period blood isn't "gross" unless you have the mentality of a middle-school boy. It's normal. You don't have to finger paint with it, just accept that it's part of having a body that bleeds regularly. It's not dirty, and the shame language on here is misogyny. It's one thing to be ignorant, it's another to be squeamish about periods.

OP, pads come in teen sizes and start at 1. A 1 or 2 will provide plenty of coverage. Get the kind with wings so they stay attached better. Tampons come in light, regular, and then a bunch of "super" that will probably be overkill for your teen. Start with a brand that offers an applicator. They come with instructions and are pretty straightforward. Cups/disks are great for some women, and a nonstarter for others. A suggestion might be to take your kid to Target or the like and let her pick out what she may want to try for herself. Don't buy too much of anything. Your kid will have preferences, and will find what works best for her. If you have extras or rejects, donate them to a womens shelter.

Period underwear are great on their own on light days, and a good backup on most days. follow the washing instructions. Your kid can rinse them out in the shower and hang them to dry between washings, or just throw them in a bucket until the end of her cycle, soak twice to rinse, and then wash according to directions. Yes, there's blood. It's not "gross" it's just part of having a cycle.

You don't sound as likely as some of the women on this thread to pathologize or stigmatize this, so good on you for that.

Sorry, but it’s ok to call gross things gross. That isn’t misogyny. Handling bedsheets with vomit or child’s underwear they pooped in is gross too. Soaking and dumping bloody period underwear water isn’t pleasant..nor is having it drip bloody water while transferring to the washing machine or wringing them out by hand. Things can “normal” and still be gross. Or worse is the dried crusty period underwear your kid forgot to put into a soak bucket and left in their laundry basket for days.

+1. All of these things are actually gross. I had to specifically tell DD not to put blood stained clothes in her laundry basket. You don’t want them sitting there on clothes. Yes, it’s gross for anyone to find days later. I wouldn’t want to find any dried blood, vomit or poop days later. And I had to explain how it can get on other clothes if you do that.

[Anonymous]

Start with Jr / small tampons if she’s even willing to try tampons. A health Ed teacher told us how the applicator works but beyond that I had to figure it out on my own when I was younger. My 13 year old (no period yet) is afraid of the idea of tampons but she’s a serious soccer player and I assume eventually that will be easier for her.

Make sure she knows (another mom? Book?) that mucus is normal. I remember being so scared when that started for me (but I knew about periods.)

Don’t forget other health / puberty things: figure out a way for her to go bra shopping and offer before she brings it up; (eventually encourage her to hang good bras when they’re washed); offer to get deodorant, and if she wants to remove hair offer razor or creams etc.

My 13 year old’s hair became curly with puberty and she didn’t really know how to take care of it (nor did I) so we booked a session with a hairstylist to teach us. That was helpful too.

[Anonymous]

Make an office appt for DD with a female OB-GYN. Have the OB-GYN talk with DD about her body and let DD ask the MD questions. Offer to step out if DD wants to do it privately (provided there is no male nurse).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a family friend or sister who has teens who have recently gone thru this? Your DD is bound to have questions/situations when she needs additional help. You could ask your DD for suggestions on who she would feel comfortable with. You are a thoughtful dad.

I agree with this. My own mother was not helpful and I had an older sister who was my main resource. But anyone...another mom, family friend, relative.

You are doing a great job. The fact that you're thinking of all this means it's going to all be good. I'm sorry about her mom.

You’re a great dad. I would bet anything that she already knows everything or can easily ask someone on one of her teams. I’ve found those mixed age teams like swim are really good for things like this. There are also all types of really helpful videos on tik tok.

[Anonymous]

Hi, I have three daughters and the oldest is a college swimmer. When she started her period she was already considered “elite” which basically meant 6 practices a week, no excuses - which meant a crash course in tampons. I got the skinniest kind of tampon, I believe the label is light absorbency. We talked through it and I explained that it kind of goes in pointed back and not up. And then every afternoon I would hold my breath for 20-30 min while she was in the bathroom trying to successfully insert. When it became clear that she really wasn’t getting the hang of it, I spoke with my friend who is an OB GYN and she told me to buy lube to help. I did so and it was a godsend. It made all the difference and I have no idea how long she used it and needed it.

[Anonymous]

Make sure to discuss toxic shock syndrome if she is using tampons. My Mom forgot to remove a tampon in her 20’s and ended up at the emergency room. I have no idea how you forget you are wearing a tampon but it happens and it leads to bad results. The point is not to scare her but to discuss safe use to prevent illness.Tampons are a good way to deal with your period but they needed to be treated with respect.

And go over how to dispose of the products. Don’t flush pads or tampons, use the wrapper for the next pad to wrap the old pad in or some toilet paper and place it in the stall trash bin or the trash can in the bathroom. They are not flushable.

A newer tip from a female backpacker, they make compact towels that expand with water that I use backpacking. They are lightweight and can be carried easily enough in period kit bag. Having a few of those for clean up if a period starts unexpectedly instead of carrying a pack of wipes might be useful. You stop, add a bit of water, the towel opens up, and you have something to clean yourself with. The Scouts I take out backpacking love them for their business.

[Anonymous]

Agreed with starting with the skinniest tampon. If there's "leakage", then you need to go up in size. It's all trial and error.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 teenage daughters. One got her period for the first time at age 12 the morning she was supposed to leave for sleepaway camp with lots of swimming time, so she immediately used a tampon and was totally fine. The other daughter took about a year to get used to the idea but now also prefers tampons as a competitive runner. I appreciate all of the comments about using the smallest ones, but my very think (size 0/2) runner needs the most absorbent ones when she runs or else she leaks and bleeds down her leg, so I would first buy one of the boxes with multiple sizes so she can try what she needs for herself.

OP you sound like a wonderful father, best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Mom of three girls here. Some really specific advice that no one tells you and you learn through experience or embarrassing lessons:

If your daughter wears a tampon while swimming she needs to change it after practice or put on period underwear or a pad and make sure the tampon string is well-nested in whatever else she is wearing. The string from the tampon gets wet from the pool and that causes the blood to wick down the tampon--and, lo and behold if you have no other protection, it will quickly stain through your underwear and clothes--worse than even regular period blood because of all the water the tampon has absorbed.

for when you're shopping for her: Plastic tampon applicators are easier to use than cardboard.
Buy pads with wings! It's so easy for pads to shift and then you leak and have an embarrassing accident. Buy nighttime pads and the heavier duty period underwear (sort of like boy shorts) if you have someone with heavier cycles. She probably won't tell you, so buy a range of things--smaller/lighter teen pads and heavier pads, pantyliners, etc.--and wait and see which ones run out first.

buy a mattress pad and put on her bed under the sheets. Makes things so much easier to clean up. you can even do a waterproof cover and then a padded one over that that can be thrown in the wash. there are always going to be nighttime accidents. And having the stains on your mattress is embarrassing, this way you can just whisk off and wash.

-get a small basin to throw things in to soak if she doesn't have time to wash. so many times you wake up in the morning to find stained sheets or underwear but you have no time to deal before school.
-hydrogen peroxide lifts blood. So buy a bottle and keep on hand. it's kind of cool the way it foams up. good for things you can rinse, like mattresses or a sofa. also works well on dried blood on clothing.
-Advil is best for cramps, in my view, but a lot of kids have trouble swallowing. so get the smaller gel caps, rather than the cheap CVS over the counter tablets.

good luck dad!