The crushing guilt of not being able to give my kids a better education

[Anonymous]

homeschool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just need to sit in my sadness.

We’re in a completely average public school. My kids are unhappy…behaviors, time outside, not being challenged.

There’s nothing we can do. I can’t homeschool, and on no planet can we afford private school. Those I know with kids in private schools, have grandparents paying. I desperately wish my kids could have a different experience.

We aren’t in the DMV.

You probably can homeschool in some fashion unless you are certified braindead. Find some local homeschool groups to get support and accurate info. Some working parents do the bulk of the teaching on weekends and during the evenings.

It’s not the learning, it’s the logistics. Who will watch them? School is essentially child care.

DP. Mostly agree. We cannot homeschool mainly because we both need to work outside home.

OP is a school teacher but most districts have paths for teachers to transition out of the classroom into more flexible roles within the district. I think she needs to research this more. I know public school employees who homeschool.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t beat yourself up or feel sad. Instead, focus your energies on making sure they excel academically at their school, and on spending as much time with them outside of school as possible. You are their home base and support.

I also went to a completely average public school. We were poor and couldn’t afford anything else. I was always told to work and study hard- and honestly wanting to get out of my situation provided great motivation. I went to an ivy for college, then another top tier graduate school, and “got out.” We now send our child to private school.

That being said, have you explored financial aid options at private schools? I know of many families at our private who would never be able to afford it without very generous aid.

[Anonymous]

My mom barely graduated HS herself and yet she found a way to ensure I got a high end education appropriate to my abilities in one of the lowest ranked districts in my state.

You can do it, OP. Education doesn’t just happen at school. You don’t need to homeschool to read or print off worksheets or watch a nature documentary or actually engage with your child. But it does require putting down your phone, getting your kid off a screen, and parenting. You have 3 hours per night and at least 24 daylight hours on the weekend to work with. Give it a try.

I’ve always believed that private schools give the most bang for buck for average kids whose parents don’t want to put in the work, and I stand by that. There are so many tutoring services now. So many low cost resources. Use them!

[Anonymous]

If your kids are truly unhappy, I think you need to get to the source of that and see what you can do. Be very careful that your own negativity towards their school isn’t impacting their feelings.

And truthfully, I don’t think anyone needs to spend hours and hours supplementing elementary school kids. Let them just go out and have fun. You don’t have to optimize every experience into a learning one. Kids that are intellectually curious are going to learn. They just are. You don’t have to drill Khan Academy with them unless the happen to really enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Not op, what can working parents with low energy level do at home for a gifted 4th grader & a dyslexia 1st grader? I may have 1 hour energy max./day on weekdays and maybe 2 hours/day max. for weekends. I am exhausted, so that is the most I could contribute. The gifted child is in CES, but it is still too easy. They have enough outdoor exercise time, and I want to introduce stem (especially science) to the gifted one, and find a fun way to working on phonics and reading with the dyslexia one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not op, what can working parents with low energy level do at home for a gifted 4th grader & a dyslexia 1st grader? I may have 1 hour energy max./day on weekdays and maybe 2 hours/day max. for weekends. I am exhausted, so that is the most I could contribute. The gifted child is in CES, but it is still too easy. They have enough outdoor exercise time, and I want to introduce stem (especially science) to the gifted one, and find a fun way to working on phonics and reading with the dyslexia one.

I don't have great answers on how to work with your first grader on reading, since I don't have experience with dyslexia. But otherwise I have a few thoughts:

(1) You can definitely move ahead in math. IXL has some really good workbooks (like physical ones, not an app). We've been working through the first grade workbook with our advanced kindergartener, and she's catching on pretty quickly to place value. We do a page or two a day, sometimes we don't make much progress because we're all just too tired. This might be a 20- to 30-minute commitment a few days a week.
(2) Reading aloud. My dad read to me every night (between getting home from work and starting the kitchen cleanup), and it really helped me develop my listening comprehension and my vocabulary. Yes, fourth graders can read to themselves, but when you read aloud to them it gives them access to materials that are above their reading ability, but consistent with their comprehension level. By fourth grade you can access some pretty cool books, like John Christopher's Tripod Trilogy, Norton Juster's Phantom Tollbooth, etc. And there are so many books that your first grader will love.
(3) Board games. There are a number of math board games out there that will help kids increase their processing speed. Sum Swamp is much better for your 1st grader, but there are board games that work on multiplication and division as well, and because it's a game the kids may be much more interested in participating.
(4) History books. An extension of reading aloud from above--there are some excellent nonfiction books that will help your kids build a foundation to understand history. You could try Joy Hakim's History of US, David MacCaulay's Castle/Cathedral/Pyramid, etc.
(5) Science. Most science and engineering requires math skills that kids simply haven't developed yet (you really need at least algebra to do basic physics). So I think that most of elementary school science should be about inspiring kids and getting them excited about doing science. There are tons of experiments you could do together at home that might be fun. Some things I've thought of include planting a bean in a pot on the windowsill and measuring and graphing the height every day, getting an inexpensive microscope and looking at and drawing things like onion plant cells, building some basic electric circuits, etc. There are a lot of books full of home science experiments for kids to try. And again, you can find age-appropriate books in your library about different topics and just read to them.

[Anonymous]

OK, I've read your updates, OP, and now I think you're just whiny. Privates aren't necessarily better. Playing with old equipment: what God, what a horror! Not.

You need to be less negative and more positive. It seems to me like your kids have having great childhoods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My kids are being plenty challenged at home…they’re outside, never on screens, building stuff, Boy Scouts and chess competitions.

I mean during the day…I wish they were at private schools and were known and loved. I wish they were playing outside on cool structures and not old, falling down soccer posts.

I knew, even though you didn't disclose in your first post, that you had hyperactive boys. Also, private school teachers are there for the same reasons at public school teachers. "known and loved" - please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not op, what can working parents with low energy level do at home for a gifted 4th grader & a dyslexia 1st grader? I may have 1 hour energy max./day on weekdays and maybe 2 hours/day max. for weekends. I am exhausted, so that is the most I could contribute. The gifted child is in CES, but it is still too easy. They have enough outdoor exercise time, and I want to introduce stem (especially science) to the gifted one, and find a fun way to working on phonics and reading with the dyslexia one.

For a dyslexic child, look into Orton-Gillingham method of teaching reading. That is Phonics based and is the gold standard for teaching a dyslexic person.

At 4th grade, there are some Lego Technic kits with gears and what not that help a child understand how things move. Math is the other key. Buy some workbooks at the child's level and have them do 1-2 pages daily. This will reinforce what they know and build both comfort and facility with math.

[Anonymous]

Immigrant child of parents whose own mother had a fifth grade education. Get a textbook and teach your child reading, writing and arithmetic. Insist that lack of opportunity means jack squat.

[Anonymous]

Get them “what your (insert age, ex third grader) needs to know by hirsch. Have them listen to audiobooks that teach history while you do your commutes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My kids are being plenty challenged at home…they’re outside, never on screens, building stuff, Boy Scouts and chess competitions.

I mean during the day…I wish they were at private schools and were known and loved. I wish they were playing outside on cool structures and not old, falling down soccer posts.

I knew, even though you didn't disclose in your first post, that you had hyperactive boys. Also, private school teachers are there for the same reasons at public school teachers. "known and loved" - please.

What? Who cares about this? Kids have to be more creative with play when things arent so flashy.

[Anonymous]

One thing I did was research good kids literature, make a list of holds for the library and every week we picked up books. For kids aged 3 to 13, just having good, diverse reading material is half the battle.. my kids always had a book in their bag when they were bored with school and would often get library passes to go get new books from the school library. I went to terrible public schools and it’s incredibly how much you can teach yourself if you just pick up a book and read it. Get non fiction too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not op, what can working parents with low energy level do at home for a gifted 4th grader & a dyslexia 1st grader? I may have 1 hour energy max./day on weekdays and maybe 2 hours/day max. for weekends. I am exhausted, so that is the most I could contribute. The gifted child is in CES, but it is still too easy. They have enough outdoor exercise time, and I want to introduce stem (especially science) to the gifted one, and find a fun way to working on phonics and reading with the dyslexia one.

My kid also went to CES! There are lots of great non fiction books on science themes that your kid can read which will get them thinking. Also, we loved magazines like Ask at that age. Does your kid do scouts? The outdoorsy stuff really lends itself to a lot of science. My son has a ces friend that didn’t start scouts until 6th grade—after 5th grade Boy Scouts has very little parental involvement. For vacation, think about thinks like snorkeling or national parks (Yellowstone is great for science, as is the Grand Canyon — the visitor centers have so much science!). Encourage your kid to plant a vegetable garden. Maybe get an aquarium and check out some books on how to have one (I admit I did not love this, as we could not keep them alive). Snapcircuits are really fun. If you go on your a buy nothing group, neighbors might have some they can hand down. You can often find books with easy science experiments at the public library or used book stores or on buy nothing.