Keys to Thriving or Just Surviving in NW ES--Parents, I need your insights!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is THREE. I can tell you with great certainty that what is actually going to impact him is your intense anxiety and achievement focus.

Meanwhile I can tell you that about the only factor that I think actually matters for elementary school selection is location. A neighborhood school that kids can walk to will make it easier to make friends and will reduce time stress on the family.

+1. Does anyone else get the sense that OP used AI to help create this list/draft the post? While they maybe cleaned it up a bit, the foundation doesn't seem like a human wrote it.

OP again, and ouch. I'm human. Just a low support needs autistic human who went into psychological research as a career. Several of the things I asked about come up in the psych literature a lot, and I tried to be clear and specific about what information I was looking for without being overly jargon-y. I'm not always great at striking a balance between tone, specificity, and clarity in my writing (with the exception of academic writing).

Judging by your response (and a few other posters who've said something similar), that seems to be an issue here, and it's clearly getting in the way of earnest engagement with my questions. Was my writing unclear? Is there something I need to change about my post? I do genuinely want other parents' thoughts re: NW schools, and I'm willing to reword my questions if it would help.

Your writing sounds manic. Have you been evaluated for bipolar?

Now you're just being mean.

[Anonymous]

The parts of OP’s post that seem to assume that kids can move at their preferred academic pace (acceleration from OP perspective probably, right) don’t match generally how schooling works. Generally a class moves as a class and your kid can’t really move much further. There are sometimes little enrichment activities and sometimes different class placements especially in math, in middle school, but generally, your kid’s interest in X will be satisfied only insofar as the teacher(s) do that thing for the class, following the curriculum. I guess the alternative is medieval style individual tutoring or Montessori Max (where does this exist?) or homeschooling.

[Anonymous]

I mean this in the best way possible but OP you are not going to be a good DCPS parent.

Good DCPS parent fit:

1) You have to be CHILL and let a whole lot of crap roll off your back (and focus on the long picture and big picture!) because it's a very uneven experience. You'll have good years and bad years. Fantastic teachers and downright horrible (or even missing) teachers. Things that wildly exceed your expectations and things that make you wonder how they could happen.

2)You need to be engaged the entire 14 years. There is no "set is and forget it" with DCPS. You need to be chill about a whole lot stuff (see point one) but then you need to be willing to step in and intervene and monitor grades and talk with teachers and get tutors and make schooling changes (or whatever else is needed) along the way.

For these reasons I think you are overwhelmingly better suited for private school. I have had kids at both (DCPS and a Big3 private) and neither is a perfect experience but the private will give you far more of a CONSISTENT experience. What you go in thinking you're getting is what you'll get year-in and year-out. With DCPS it's a crap shoot. It may be fabulous, it may be horrible. It may change mid year and then change again. You don't sound like have the personality for this and that's okay! Many of us didn't or don't. Or we got worn out by DCPS along the way.

Many private schools around here give extensive aid. We received quite a bit, putting one within our budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is THREE. I can tell you with great certainty that what is actually going to impact him is your intense anxiety and achievement focus.

Meanwhile I can tell you that about the only factor that I think actually matters for elementary school selection is location. A neighborhood school that kids can walk to will make it easier to make friends and will reduce time stress on the family.

+1. Does anyone else get the sense that OP used AI to help create this list/draft the post? While they maybe cleaned it up a bit, the foundation doesn't seem like a human wrote it.

OP again, and ouch. I'm human. Just a low support needs autistic human who went into psychological research as a career. Several of the things I asked about come up in the psych literature a lot, and I tried to be clear and specific about what information I was looking for without being overly jargon-y. I'm not always great at striking a balance between tone, specificity, and clarity in my writing (with the exception of academic writing).

Judging by your response (and a few other posters who've said something similar), that seems to be an issue here, and it's clearly getting in the way of earnest engagement with my questions. Was my writing unclear? Is there something I need to change about my post? I do genuinely want other parents' thoughts re: NW schools, and I'm willing to reword my questions if it would help.

Your writing sounds manic. Have you been evaluated for bipolar?

Now you're just being mean.

No I’m not. Manic writing and speech is quite distinctive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean this in the best way possible but OP you are not going to be a good DCPS parent.

Good DCPS parent fit:

1) You have to be CHILL and let a whole lot of crap roll off your back (and focus on the long picture and big picture!) because it's a very uneven experience. You'll have good years and bad years. Fantastic teachers and downright horrible (or even missing) teachers. Things that wildly exceed your expectations and things that make you wonder how they could happen.

2)You need to be engaged the entire 14 years. There is no "set is and forget it" with DCPS. You need to be chill about a whole lot stuff (see point one) but then you need to be willing to step in and intervene and monitor grades and talk with teachers and get tutors and make schooling changes (or whatever else is needed) along the way.

For these reasons I think you are overwhelmingly better suited for private school. I have had kids at both (DCPS and a Big3 private) and neither is a perfect experience but the private will give you far more of a CONSISTENT experience. What you go in thinking you're getting is what you'll get year-in and year-out. With DCPS it's a crap shoot. It may be fabulous, it may be horrible. It may change mid year and then change again. You don't sound like have the personality for this and that's okay! Many of us didn't or don't. Or we got worn out by DCPS along the way.

Many private schools around here give extensive aid. We received quite a bit, putting one within our budget.

I was agreeing with this until the bolded statement. What?! No, no, no. You *might* get what you think you're getting, but it's just as likely the school would fall short of its promises and lip service. Especially at small, less funded schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this in the best way possible but OP you are not going to be a good DCPS parent.

Good DCPS parent fit:

1) You have to be CHILL and let a whole lot of crap roll off your back (and focus on the long picture and big picture!) because it's a very uneven experience. You'll have good years and bad years. Fantastic teachers and downright horrible (or even missing) teachers. Things that wildly exceed your expectations and things that make you wonder how they could happen.

2)You need to be engaged the entire 14 years. There is no "set is and forget it" with DCPS. You need to be chill about a whole lot stuff (see point one) but then you need to be willing to step in and intervene and monitor grades and talk with teachers and get tutors and make schooling changes (or whatever else is needed) along the way.

For these reasons I think you are overwhelmingly better suited for private school. I have had kids at both (DCPS and a Big3 private) and neither is a perfect experience but the private will give you far more of a CONSISTENT experience. What you go in thinking you're getting is what you'll get year-in and year-out. With DCPS it's a crap shoot. It may be fabulous, it may be horrible. It may change mid year and then change again. You don't sound like have the personality for this and that's okay! Many of us didn't or don't. Or we got worn out by DCPS along the way.

Many private schools around here give extensive aid. We received quite a bit, putting one within our budget.

I was agreeing with this until the bolded statement. What?! No, no, no. You *might* get what you think you're getting, but it's just as likely the school would fall short of its promises and lip service. Especially at small, less funded schools.

That’s definitely true for charters but less so at DCPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this in the best way possible but OP you are not going to be a good DCPS parent.

Good DCPS parent fit:

1) You have to be CHILL and let a whole lot of crap roll off your back (and focus on the long picture and big picture!) because it's a very uneven experience. You'll have good years and bad years. Fantastic teachers and downright horrible (or even missing) teachers. Things that wildly exceed your expectations and things that make you wonder how they could happen.

2)You need to be engaged the entire 14 years. There is no "set is and forget it" with DCPS. You need to be chill about a whole lot stuff (see point one) but then you need to be willing to step in and intervene and monitor grades and talk with teachers and get tutors and make schooling changes (or whatever else is needed) along the way.

For these reasons I think you are overwhelmingly better suited for private school. I have had kids at both (DCPS and a Big3 private) and neither is a perfect experience but the private will give you far more of a CONSISTENT experience. What you go in thinking you're getting is what you'll get year-in and year-out. With DCPS it's a crap shoot. It may be fabulous, it may be horrible. It may change mid year and then change again. You don't sound like have the personality for this and that's okay! Many of us didn't or don't. Or we got worn out by DCPS along the way.

Many private schools around here give extensive aid. We received quite a bit, putting one within our budget.

I was agreeing with this until the bolded statement. What?! No, no, no. You *might* get what you think you're getting, but it's just as likely the school would fall short of its promises and lip service. Especially at small, less funded schools.

I'm the poster you're replying to and my experience is with an established Big3 private. It is darn consistent. If a teacher goes out on sick leave on Friday, there is a subject matter sub in place by Monday and a permanent replacement in place in 2 weeks (if needed.) It's very smooth--the system works like clock-work. Class sizes are consistent, expectations are consistent, curriculum is consistent. We got the exact product we paid for year-in and year-out.

I am not a mindless private school booster (AT ALL) and this is not meant as a "private vs public" post. But yes, unless you're in a third rate private, the experience is far more consistent than DCPS. It's part of what you're paying for: consistency and the ability to off-load some of the stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this in the best way possible but OP you are not going to be a good DCPS parent.

Good DCPS parent fit:

1) You have to be CHILL and let a whole lot of crap roll off your back (and focus on the long picture and big picture!) because it's a very uneven experience. You'll have good years and bad years. Fantastic teachers and downright horrible (or even missing) teachers. Things that wildly exceed your expectations and things that make you wonder how they could happen.

2)You need to be engaged the entire 14 years. There is no "set is and forget it" with DCPS. You need to be chill about a whole lot stuff (see point one) but then you need to be willing to step in and intervene and monitor grades and talk with teachers and get tutors and make schooling changes (or whatever else is needed) along the way.

For these reasons I think you are overwhelmingly better suited for private school. I have had kids at both (DCPS and a Big3 private) and neither is a perfect experience but the private will give you far more of a CONSISTENT experience. What you go in thinking you're getting is what you'll get year-in and year-out. With DCPS it's a crap shoot. It may be fabulous, it may be horrible. It may change mid year and then change again. You don't sound like have the personality for this and that's okay! Many of us didn't or don't. Or we got worn out by DCPS along the way.

Many private schools around here give extensive aid. We received quite a bit, putting one within our budget.

I was agreeing with this until the bolded statement. What?! No, no, no. You *might* get what you think you're getting, but it's just as likely the school would fall short of its promises and lip service. Especially at small, less funded schools.

I'm the poster you're replying to and my experience is with an established Big3 private. It is darn consistent. If a teacher goes out on sick leave on Friday, there is a subject matter sub in place by Monday and a permanent replacement in place in 2 weeks (if needed.) It's very smooth--the system works like clock-work. Class sizes are consistent, expectations are consistent, curriculum is consistent. We got the exact product we paid for year-in and year-out.

I am not a mindless private school booster (AT ALL) and this is not meant as a "private vs public" post. But yes, unless you're in a third rate private, the experience is far more consistent than DCPS. It's part of what you're paying for: consistency and the ability to off-load some of the stress.

Okay, but you didn't say Big 3. You just said "the private" generally. Some privates here are a hot mess. Some privates are teetering financially. Some are okay but don't really live up to their aspirations and it's naive to think they all will. Especially with such squishy ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is THREE. I can tell you with great certainty that what is actually going to impact him is your intense anxiety and achievement focus.

Meanwhile I can tell you that about the only factor that I think actually matters for elementary school selection is location. A neighborhood school that kids can walk to will make it easier to make friends and will reduce time stress on the family.

Thank you for your thoughts on this. It's reasonable to suggest that anxiety and focusing excessively on achievement can be harmful. You're probably right about the anxiety component (not even specifically re: ES, just in general). Believe me, I'm actively working on it in therapy; goodness knows I don't want my baggage to become my kid's baggage. My husband has been a fantastic support in that regard, and we certainly try out best to make our home a safe, loving space for our son.

That said, I'm much less concerned about achievement and more concerned about my kid being in an environment that doesn't make him miserable over the next 6 years. I'm happy to accept a less rigorous school if it means he can attend a school that reinforces his curiosity, empowers him to try his best, and sends the message that he and his efforts matter. I also don't want him drowning in 2+ hours of homework in 3rd and 4th grade (something I experienced in elementary and middle school), so we're trying to choose ESs with the future in mind. I can tell you anecdotally and from the educational psych and developmental psych literature that the things I've listed as our priorities matter A LOT, even in ES....they affect mental health outcomes (internalizing and externalizing disorders), long-term attitudes and motivation toward school and learning, persistence in problem-solving through difficult tasks, and resilience to stress in adulthood.

I recognize that a lot of these things start at home. We're cognizant of that and parent with these considerations in mind. I'm interested in knowing which schools have a solid track record of fostering a positive socioemotional and educational environment for my son. I've looked at the socioemotional development curricula at as many of the NW ESs as I could find, but that information doesn't tell me whether the school effectively implements those principles in the classroom. Hopefully this clarifies why I'm asking for parents' insights.

Please talk to your therapist about your concerns in more detail - maybe even print out what you've posted here and share it. Your posts are asking for things that go beyond feedback on an anonymous message board. But I do think the best advice you're getting is 1) you have a great IB path 2) you, not your school, will have the biggest impact on most of those points 3) you may have some really unrealistic expectations from DCPS (or most any public school system).

I don't want to add another long-winded reply to this thread, but there's a lot going on in your posts, and the anxiety-driven approach you are taking is likely unfair to your son and it's certainly not fair to his future teachers. You're letting your own decades-old trauma control how you're thinking about public school for a three/four year old and doing so in an overly clinical manner. My youngest is having a great experience in DCPS PK3 right now, and as a room parent with a solid read on our teacher/class/grade/school, these these posts leave me thinking, "I hope that family doesn't end up in our class next year," and that's not a good feeling to have.

Our school is great but not perfect, and while we have plenty of first-born children in the class, I can tell you that none of their parents are bringing this kind of energy to the group chat, meet ups or open hours. Teachers and schools - even the great ones - only have so much bandwidth available. I became friendly with a number of my kids' teachers over the years, and it's a hard situation for everyone when one parent takes up all of the oxygen. It does seem like you are genuinely aware of these things and working on them, so kudos there and I can only encourage you to keep doing so. If you're destined for DCPS you have to be able to be prepared to just roll with things... the good, the bad, the in between.