Keys to Thriving or Just Surviving in NW ES--Parents, I need your insights!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you mean technically NW? Or do you mean Ward 3?

Fair question. I mean NW. Our daycare is wonderful, but we're currently on the childcare subsidy, and it's not guaranteed we'll get recertified for the upcoming year. We live in NW, and most of my son's friends are scattered across NW, so we're looking into public PK4 options in NW. We're IB for Oyster with proximity preference for Marie Reed, but obviously PK4 isn't guaranteed, so we're looking to fill out our lottery slots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is THREE. I can tell you with great certainty that what is actually going to impact him is your intense anxiety and achievement focus.

Meanwhile I can tell you that about the only factor that I think actually matters for elementary school selection is location. A neighborhood school that kids can walk to will make it easier to make friends and will reduce time stress on the family.

This this this.

Sorry no one wants to hear that your lottery spot WotP or to an in demand charter doesn't make you superior and it won't make your kid that way either. Which isn't to say your kid will have a bad experience, it's just that the lottery creates such a false pretense of lucky vs unlucky and prevents people from examining the important things.

Your elementary school kid is most likely going to thrive academically and socially in a safe, warm environment. And that may very well be your local school with friends in the neighborhood that doesn't check the boxes of a consultant. But it may not. And unfortunately there's no way to know that without some trial and error and acceptance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is THREE. I can tell you with great certainty that what is actually going to impact him is your intense anxiety and achievement focus.

Meanwhile I can tell you that about the only factor that I think actually matters for elementary school selection is location. A neighborhood school that kids can walk to will make it easier to make friends and will reduce time stress on the family.

Thank you for your thoughts on this. It's reasonable to suggest that anxiety and focusing excessively on achievement can be harmful. You're probably right about the anxiety component (not even specifically re: ES, just in general). Believe me, I'm actively working on it in therapy; goodness knows I don't want my baggage to become my kid's baggage. My husband has been a fantastic support in that regard, and we certainly try out best to make our home a safe, loving space for our son.

That said, I'm much less concerned about achievement and more concerned about my kid being in an environment that doesn't make him miserable over the next 6 years. I'm happy to accept a less rigorous school if it means he can attend a school that reinforces his curiosity, empowers him to try his best, and sends the message that he and his efforts matter. I also don't want him drowning in 2+ hours of homework in 3rd and 4th grade (something I experienced in elementary and middle school), so we're trying to choose ESs with the future in mind. I can tell you anecdotally and from the educational psych and developmental psych literature that the things I've listed as our priorities matter A LOT, even in ES....they affect mental health outcomes (internalizing and externalizing disorders), long-term attitudes and motivation toward school and learning, persistence in problem-solving through difficult tasks, and resilience to stress in adulthood.

I recognize that a lot of these things start at home. We're cognizant of that and parent with these considerations in mind. I'm interested in knowing which schools have a solid track record of fostering a positive socioemotional and educational environment for my son. I've looked at the socioemotional development curricula at as many of the NW ESs as I could find, but that information doesn't tell me whether the school effectively implements those principles in the classroom. Hopefully this clarifies why I'm asking for parents' insights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is THREE. I can tell you with great certainty that what is actually going to impact him is your intense anxiety and achievement focus.

Meanwhile I can tell you that about the only factor that I think actually matters for elementary school selection is location. A neighborhood school that kids can walk to will make it easier to make friends and will reduce time stress on the family.

Thank you for your thoughts on this. It's reasonable to suggest that anxiety and focusing excessively on achievement can be harmful. You're probably right about the anxiety component (not even specifically re: ES, just in general). Believe me, I'm actively working on it in therapy; goodness knows I don't want my baggage to become my kid's baggage. My husband has been a fantastic support in that regard, and we certainly try out best to make our home a safe, loving space for our son.

That said, I'm much less concerned about achievement and more concerned about my kid being in an environment that doesn't make him miserable over the next 6 years. I'm happy to accept a less rigorous school if it means he can attend a school that reinforces his curiosity, empowers him to try his best, and sends the message that he and his efforts matter. I also don't want him drowning in 2+ hours of homework in 3rd and 4th grade (something I experienced in elementary and middle school), so we're trying to choose ESs with the future in mind. I can tell you anecdotally and from the educational psych and developmental psych literature that the things I've listed as our priorities matter A LOT, even in ES....they affect mental health outcomes (internalizing and externalizing disorders), long-term attitudes and motivation toward school and learning, persistence in problem-solving through difficult tasks, and resilience to stress in adulthood.

I recognize that a lot of these things start at home. We're cognizant of that and parent with these considerations in mind. I'm interested in knowing which schools have a solid track record of fostering a positive socioemotional and educational environment for my son. I've looked at the socioemotional development curricula at as many of the NW ESs as I could find, but that information doesn't tell me whether the school effectively implements those principles in the classroom. Hopefully this clarifies why I'm asking for parents' insights.

Please check in with your therapist. This isn’t healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is THREE. I can tell you with great certainty that what is actually going to impact him is your intense anxiety and achievement focus.

Meanwhile I can tell you that about the only factor that I think actually matters for elementary school selection is location. A neighborhood school that kids can walk to will make it easier to make friends and will reduce time stress on the family.

+1. At three, and really through most of elementary school, your child’s experience with all the points you’ve listed will be largely driven by your attitude towards all of them. People usually will tell you to focus on commute because having an easy one helps to keep you zen enough to calmly handle all of the rest of the points you have raised.

Re: the parent attitude and commute, those are great points. The attitude component is one we try to be mindful of at home, and we've factored in commute time for NW ESs with convenience and logistical feasibility in mind. However, I hadn't thought about how an otherwise sustainable commute could compound stress over time. Thank you for sharing. I'll keep this insight in mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire this guy for next head of GAO

For clarification, not a guy, but I do think it would be awesome to work for the GAO (as some kind of research or data wonk, though). Unironically, I do semi-regularly check the GAO careers page for relevant openings. I'm a social psych researcher with a background in moral psychology applied to democracy, governance practices, and policy; I've always thought it would be cool to do some work for the GAO through that lens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is THREE. I can tell you with great certainty that what is actually going to impact him is your intense anxiety and achievement focus.

Meanwhile I can tell you that about the only factor that I think actually matters for elementary school selection is location. A neighborhood school that kids can walk to will make it easier to make friends and will reduce time stress on the family.

Thank you for your thoughts on this. It's reasonable to suggest that anxiety and focusing excessively on achievement can be harmful. You're probably right about the anxiety component (not even specifically re: ES, just in general). Believe me, I'm actively working on it in therapy; goodness knows I don't want my baggage to become my kid's baggage. My husband has been a fantastic support in that regard, and we certainly try out best to make our home a safe, loving space for our son.

That said, I'm much less concerned about achievement and more concerned about my kid being in an environment that doesn't make him miserable over the next 6 years. I'm happy to accept a less rigorous school if it means he can attend a school that reinforces his curiosity, empowers him to try his best, and sends the message that he and his efforts matter. I also don't want him drowning in 2+ hours of homework in 3rd and 4th grade (something I experienced in elementary and middle school), so we're trying to choose ESs with the future in mind. I can tell you anecdotally and from the educational psych and developmental psych literature that the things I've listed as our priorities matter A LOT, even in ES....they affect mental health outcomes (internalizing and externalizing disorders), long-term attitudes and motivation toward school and learning, persistence in problem-solving through difficult tasks, and resilience to stress in adulthood.

I recognize that a lot of these things start at home. We're cognizant of that and parent with these considerations in mind. I'm interested in knowing which schools have a solid track record of fostering a positive socioemotional and educational environment for my son. I've looked at the socioemotional development curricula at as many of the NW ESs as I could find, but that information doesn't tell me whether the school effectively implements those principles in the classroom. Hopefully this clarifies why I'm asking for parents' insights.

Your tendency to over-write everything screams anxiety, or too much free time, or bad AI editing.

You're not going to be able to determine those things in advance because it depends too much on which teacher you get, not what school you're at. I don't think you're going to be able to accomplish this little research project, at all, because all you're going to get is various people's anecdotes from past years and I don't think any particular school is better or worse about these squishy things you say you want.

It would be VERY rare for an elementary school kid to have more than 30 minutes of homework, unless that kid tended to over-think everything and wrote way more than they actually need to. In MS that's possible, but again, most kids don't have 2 hours unless they're inefficient or trying to be in a math class they really aren't ready for. Hope that helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you mean technically NW? Or do you mean Ward 3?

Fair question. I mean NW. Our daycare is wonderful, but we're currently on the childcare subsidy, and it's not guaranteed we'll get recertified for the upcoming year. We live in NW, and most of my son's friends are scattered across NW, so we're looking into public PK4 options in NW. We're IB for Oyster with proximity preference for Marie Reed, but obviously PK4 isn't guaranteed, so we're looking to fill out our lottery slots.

Your options are going to be limited by the lottery then. You may not be able to be super picky between

Our NW school does all of the things that you mention very well, but they have never take an OB non sibling in the lottery for PK4. A couple people get in for K.

[Anonymous]

my kids have been in 3 different schools over many years, and I've also been a teacher and have seen hundreds of students and families at that school.

Numbers 3,4,5 on your list are much more related to parenting than to the school. I agree that they are very important, but have seen all kinds of temperments amongst my kids classmates over the years, and it's not that related to the school and the teaching.

If the parents believe the kids can tackle a new subject easily, the kids end up tackling new subjects easily. If the parents are stressed about new things, the kids get stressed.

If the parents pay attention and ask their kids lots of open questions and encourage their kids to follow their interests, the kids are curious and love to learn.

If the parents believe their kids are capable of conquering new challenges easily, the kids have confidence in themselves and them handle new challenges easily.

Yes, your concerns are very important. But they are parenting issues. This is within the realm of your control NOT by choosing the right school but by your own behavior as a parent.

When assessing schools, the most important questions for me were about curriculum, which varies widely school-to-school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is THREE. I can tell you with great certainty that what is actually going to impact him is your intense anxiety and achievement focus.

Meanwhile I can tell you that about the only factor that I think actually matters for elementary school selection is location. A neighborhood school that kids can walk to will make it easier to make friends and will reduce time stress on the family.

This times X100.

What you forgot to think about is independence and social/community life. Starting in 3rd grade it's typical for kids to start walking by themselves to school with friends, and some even begin to self-dismiss. Having 20 other parents that live walking distance to you is important for "village" aspect - playdates, emergencies if you can't make the pick up, etc.

OP here again. Thank you for the info on self-dismissal age; that's new to me and helpful information to have. I agree that the village aspect is important. It seems like it would be great for making more parent friends (something another insightful commenter flagged as important), helping my son become more socially integrated more quickly, and fostering independence when he gets old enough for self-dismissal.

Even if we were to lottery in to a school with a longer commute, we'd be willing to move IB in the next couple of years to make that happen (finances allowing). Our focus right now is trying to get him in somewhere worth staying from PK4 to 5th. We're currently receiving the childcare subsidy for his daycare, but I've been nervous about recertification and how the current admin and DC's budget concerns might affect the subsidy program. We're hoping to get him into a public ES for PK4 so we don't have to worry about subsidy availability.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Are you on the spectrum, by any chance? Your long-winded formality and misunderstanding of the issues are red flags.

The primary years are a little boring to precocious kids. That is because primary schools, public and private, need to teach kids to read and count, and so they focus on the kids who need the most help. They offer a little enrichment, etc, but that's all.

So love of learning must come from within, and it's really not in your control: your child has a personality largely forged by genetic assortment. If you and your spouse liked to learn as kids, then it's likely your child will do the same. You can encourage it by reading to them and doing all kinds of educational activities, but really, you're starting off with the kid you have.

Elementary for kids who learn academics easily is mostly about socialization and friendships.

In secondary, the coursework becomes a lot more important, and personally, I would move out of DCPS and into FCPS or MCPS, if you want to stick with publics. MCPS in particular has a much better academic reputation than DCPS.

[Anonymous]

I would do Marie Reed and then Oyster. Oyster is a good school! No need to overthink this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is THREE. I can tell you with great certainty that what is actually going to impact him is your intense anxiety and achievement focus.

Meanwhile I can tell you that about the only factor that I think actually matters for elementary school selection is location. A neighborhood school that kids can walk to will make it easier to make friends and will reduce time stress on the family.

+1. Does anyone else get the sense that OP used AI to help create this list/draft the post? While they maybe cleaned it up a bit, the foundation doesn't seem like a human wrote it.

OP again, and ouch. I'm human. Just a low support needs autistic human who went into psychological research as a career. Several of the things I asked about come up in the psych literature a lot, and I tried to be clear and specific about what information I was looking for without being overly jargon-y. I'm not always great at striking a balance between tone, specificity, and clarity in my writing (with the exception of academic writing).

Judging by your response (and a few other posters who've said something similar), that seems to be an issue here, and it's clearly getting in the way of earnest engagement with my questions. Was my writing unclear? Is there something I need to change about my post? I do genuinely want other parents' thoughts re: NW schools, and I'm willing to reword my questions if it would help.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with others that 3-5 are hard to identify at the school level.

With that said, I think you can get a good sense of how a school responds to bullying incidents by talking to parents there.

And, our kids went to DCB for elementary (I guess technically NE but we live in NW) and did find the culture supportive of curiosity and love of learning (e.g., the emphasis of how learning languages opens our world). I don't ever remember a growth mindset lesson or anything like that but really think even a good SEL curriculum can't impart that like consistent parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is THREE. I can tell you with great certainty that what is actually going to impact him is your intense anxiety and achievement focus.

Meanwhile I can tell you that about the only factor that I think actually matters for elementary school selection is location. A neighborhood school that kids can walk to will make it easier to make friends and will reduce time stress on the family.

+1. Does anyone else get the sense that OP used AI to help create this list/draft the post? While they maybe cleaned it up a bit, the foundation doesn't seem like a human wrote it.

OP again, and ouch. I'm human. Just a low support needs autistic human who went into psychological research as a career. Several of the things I asked about come up in the psych literature a lot, and I tried to be clear and specific about what information I was looking for without being overly jargon-y. I'm not always great at striking a balance between tone, specificity, and clarity in my writing (with the exception of academic writing).

Judging by your response (and a few other posters who've said something similar), that seems to be an issue here, and it's clearly getting in the way of earnest engagement with my questions. Was my writing unclear? Is there something I need to change about my post? I do genuinely want other parents' thoughts re: NW schools, and I'm willing to reword my questions if it would help.

People here tend to be more concise. When you write something long, you're asking people for more of their time. You've written a request that can only be answered with a little essay, and honestly can't really be answered other than anecdotally.

You also made a faux pas by asking for schools in NW, so asking for way more information than any single person could actually utilize. Narrowing it down to your neighborhood is better because then people don't bother to reply if it wouldn't be relevant to you. It's also a little tone-deaf to use "NW" to mean only the wealthier schools. There are lots of schools in NW that are low-income and low-performing and they're just as "in NW" as Oyster.

You have a desirable in boundary school all the way through 12th. A lot of people in this city aren't so lucky, and when you write as if the Jackson-Reed feeders might not be good enough for your precious offspring because of some ineffable criteria that's really your childhood baggage, people get annoyed.