Parents Have Messed up Priorities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are done taking care of you and your kids. They are taking time for themselves and that means enjoying their dogs.

This. Also note that many parents may not want GPs to post pics of their kids.

I never told them they couldn’t do this. I’m just surprised they don’t even want to take picture with the grandkids for themselves to look at later.

Your kids is your responsibility. Maybe they think that you are a slacker parent and will happily punt your kid over to them if they show any interest. They have trained themselves to distance themselves from the toxicity that will happen if they get involved in your life or the lives of your children.

Np- Wanting pics of grandkids, being interested in them and enjoying spending time with them isn’t about picking up anyone’s slack or responsibility. My parents have not helped me in any way since I was 18 and they still do all these things just because they enjoy it and family. It’s basically all fun and zero work. I really don’t understand people who presumably are parents themselves and think this is in any way “taking care” of grandkids or having to parent again.

Because they enjoy it.

Maybe people are different and some people don’t enjoy it. Don’t think it’s fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are done taking care of you and your kids. They are taking time for themselves and that means enjoying their dogs.

This. Also note that many parents may not want GPs to post pics of their kids.

I never told them they couldn’t do this. I’m just surprised they don’t even want to take picture with the grandkids for themselves to look at later.

Your kids is your responsibility. Maybe they think that you are a slacker parent and will happily punt your kid over to them if they show any interest. They have trained themselves to distance themselves from the toxicity that will happen if they get involved in your life or the lives of your children.

Np- Wanting pics of grandkids, being interested in them and enjoying spending time with them isn’t about picking up anyone’s slack or responsibility. My parents have not helped me in any way since I was 18 and they still do all these things just because they enjoy it and family. It’s basically all fun and zero work. I really don’t understand people who presumably are parents themselves and think this is in any way “taking care” of grandkids or having to parent again.

Because they enjoy it.

Maybe people are different and some people don’t enjoy it. Don’t think it’s fun.

That’s fine but then they need to understand it goes both ways and they cannot expect their own grown kids to keep caring after decades of them not caring.

[Anonymous]

My mom is like this. My dad adored his grandkids and bragged about them. My mom only wants pretty photos to show off and she wants to know accolades to brag about, but otherwise she could care less. It's not that surprising because she really did not enjoy being a mom. She enjoys expotic travel, looking pretty, getting complements on her looks, shopping, eating at fancy restaurants, gossiping and competing with her frenemies.

Did your parents enjoy being parents or just suffer through it?

[Anonymous]

My neighbors look to be in their late 80s or early 90s and it’s their second marriage. Her kids never visit because they have 3 dogs (!!!) and she can’t visit because they are on the opposite coasts. His kids do show up sometimes but very sporadically.
The kids must be in their 60s themselves.
It’s just so sad

[Anonymous]

Right now Dogs rule people suck

[Anonymous]

OP don't be surprised if they are then jealous when those who were involved grandparents get visited far more at the AL years later. My mom was hands off for parenting and grandparenting. She even commented what a fool her sister was for taking her grandparents so much so the adult kids could go on dates, travel as a couple, etc. When the grandkids were born my aunt wanted to go there and be a nanny and chef so my cousin could recuperate. Those grandkids adore her, she adores them, her daughter and SIL are grateful and now years later it's one big love fest at the AL. Nobody wants to visit my mom because she had no interest in any of her grandkids, made everything about her needs, and was manipulative and moody most of her life until they medicated her at AL. I visit because she's medicated and no longer mean, but she doesn't seem to understand my aunt is more popular because she was kind and loving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are done taking care of you and your kids. They are taking time for themselves and that means enjoying their dogs.

This. Also note that many parents may not want GPs to post pics of their kids.

I never told them they couldn’t do this. I’m just surprised they don’t even want to take picture with the grandkids for themselves to look at later.

Your kids is your responsibility. Maybe they think that you are a slacker parent and will happily punt your kid over to them if they show any interest. They have trained themselves to distance themselves from the toxicity that will happen if they get involved in your life or the lives of your children.

Np- Wanting pics of grandkids, being interested in them and enjoying spending time with them isn’t about picking up anyone’s slack or responsibility. My parents have not helped me in any way since I was 18 and they still do all these things just because they enjoy it and family. It’s basically all fun and zero work. I really don’t understand people who presumably are parents themselves and think this is in any way “taking care” of grandkids or having to parent again.

Because they enjoy it.

Maybe people are different and some people don’t enjoy it. Don’t think it’s fun.

That’s fine but then they need to understand it goes both ways and they cannot expect their own grown kids to keep caring after decades of them not caring.

You mean the kids they already took care of for decades?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your parents sound unbalanced, OP. Have you ever had a real, no confrontational conversation with the about this?

Do your kids notice their grandparents aren’t interested in them? How often do you see your parents?

We have deadbeat grandparents.
Our kids are very away and aren’t interested.

Is what it is. They have their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you, OP? You sound spoiled and entitled. I'm guessing your parents want some time to themselves after raising you. What I would blame them for is raising a brat.

You guys are ridiculous. They don’t even want to see the grandkids. Didn’t care when they were born. Didn’t even visit me in the hospital when I was seriously ill from the pregnancy. Many Boomers are just selfish people and they don’t care about their kids or grandchildren.

What have you done for them? All you’ve ranted about is that they owe you something. They raised and cared for you. Have you cared for them since becoming an adult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are done taking care of you and your kids. They are taking time for themselves and that means enjoying their dogs.

This. Also note that many parents may not want GPs to post pics of their kids.

Good point. So many posters whine about that here. Now we have grandparents and an adult respecting that and OP whines about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: OP don't be surprised if they are then jealous when those who were involved grandparents get visited far more at the AL years later. My mom was hands off for parenting and grandparenting. She even commented what a fool her sister was for taking her grandparents so much so the adult kids could go on dates, travel as a couple, etc. When the grandkids were born my aunt wanted to go there and be a nanny and chef so my cousin could recuperate. Those grandkids adore her, she adores them, her daughter and SIL are grateful and now years later it's one big love fest at the AL. Nobody wants to visit my mom because she had no interest in any of her grandkids, made everything about her needs, and was manipulative and moody most of her life until they medicated her at AL. I visit because she's medicated and no longer mean, but she doesn't seem to understand my aunt is more popular because she was kind and loving.

My oldest sister purposely moved a block away from my parents when she was pregnant with her first child. She had lots of hands-on help from my parents and siblings with her two boys. Fast-forward to when my parents needed help in their 80s and 90s. Nowhere to be found and the same siblings took up the slack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are done taking care of you and your kids. They are taking time for themselves and that means enjoying their dogs.

This. Also note that many parents may not want GPs to post pics of their kids.

I never told them they couldn’t do this. I’m just surprised they don’t even want to take picture with the grandkids for themselves to look at later.

Your kids is your responsibility. Maybe they think that you are a slacker parent and will happily punt your kid over to them if they show any interest. They have trained themselves to distance themselves from the toxicity that will happen if they get involved in your life or the lives of your children.

Np- Wanting pics of grandkids, being interested in them and enjoying spending time with them isn’t about picking up anyone’s slack or responsibility. My parents have not helped me in any way since I was 18 and they still do all these things just because they enjoy it and family. It’s basically all fun and zero work. I really don’t understand people who presumably are parents themselves and think this is in any way “taking care” of grandkids or having to parent again.

Because they enjoy it.

Maybe people are different and some people don’t enjoy it. Don’t think it’s fun.

That’s fine but then they need to understand it goes both ways and they cannot expect their own grown kids to keep caring after decades of them not caring.

They did care for you until you grew up. Now it’s your turn. Why do you think your parents should always take care of you and you give nothing in return?

[Anonymous]

From the great Dorothy Parker, who had a dog she named C’est Tout.

https://allpoetry.com/Verse-For-A-Certain-Dog

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: OP don't be surprised if they are then jealous when those who were involved grandparents get visited far more at the AL years later. My mom was hands off for parenting and grandparenting. She even commented what a fool her sister was for taking her grandparents so much so the adult kids could go on dates, travel as a couple, etc. When the grandkids were born my aunt wanted to go there and be a nanny and chef so my cousin could recuperate. Those grandkids adore her, she adores them, her daughter and SIL are grateful and now years later it's one big love fest at the AL. Nobody wants to visit my mom because she had no interest in any of her grandkids, made everything about her needs, and was manipulative and moody most of her life until they medicated her at AL. I visit because she's medicated and no longer mean, but she doesn't seem to understand my aunt is more popular because she was kind and loving.

Hmmm aunt did all that work and was shunted off to AL? Where is the payback?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are done taking care of you and your kids. They are taking time for themselves and that means enjoying their dogs.

This. Also note that many parents may not want GPs to post pics of their kids.

I never told them they couldn’t do this. I’m just surprised they don’t even want to take picture with the grandkids for themselves to look at later.

Your kids is your responsibility. Maybe they think that you are a slacker parent and will happily punt your kid over to them if they show any interest. They have trained themselves to distance themselves from the toxicity that will happen if they get involved in your life or the lives of your children.

Np- Wanting pics of grandkids, being interested in them and enjoying spending time with them isn’t about picking up anyone’s slack or responsibility. My parents have not helped me in any way since I was 18 and they still do all these things just because they enjoy it and family. It’s basically all fun and zero work. I really don’t understand people who presumably are parents themselves and think this is in any way “taking care” of grandkids or having to parent again.

Because they enjoy it.

Maybe people are different and some people don’t enjoy it. Don’t think it’s fun.

That’s fine but then they need to understand it goes both ways and they cannot expect their own grown kids to keep caring after decades of them not caring.

They did care for you until you grew up. Now it’s your turn. Why do you think your parents should always take care of you and you give nothing in return?

I have grown dcs and I don't consider my having raised them to be a favor I did for them so they'd repay me down the road. It is the bare minimum you have to do when you decide to bring kids into the world. I do hope for a continued good relationship over decades, but that requires two parties to make some sort of effort. It doesn't require raising kids again or any big sacrifice of anything including time and it's perfectly fine not to want to be a super hands-on grandparent...But you have to show you care in some way or you will miss out on the shared experiences that create and maintain strong family bonds.